Losing You
by sweeet-as-honey
Summary: The ED is evacuated following a bomb scare (as in Holby City 8.9.15), leaving many of the characters to face their personal demons.
1. Chapter 1

_I watched the bomb storyline on Holby City this week and my thoughts naturally turned to the people who worked in the ED, who would presumably also be evacuated (unless it's a completely separate building, but for the purposes of this story, the ED will be evacuated). This story will feature most, if not all the main characters, but as time goes on, it's likely I'll focus on Cal, Ethan and Lily because I won't be able to help myself._

 _This story will explore the working relationships between Connie and Rita, and Dylan and Lofty, but there won't be any romance. Though you can always imagine it if you want to._

 _I'm sorry to mention Taylor again, but I don't think any of Cal's other girlfriends were around long enough to have a name._

 _I'll try to update every day to help make up for being deprived of Casualty._

* * *

Ethan wished he knew what was going on. Honey kept insisting everything was fine, but only on the rare occasions when he managed to get hold of her. Her phone always seemed to go to voicemail and his many texts went unanswered. He didn't even see her much at work anymore as she was working fewer shifts. He'd thought about trying to find out why, but it didn't seem right to go checking up on his own girlfriend.

Besides, Honey would hate it and Ethan didn't want that.

Honey spent far too much time hating everything he did already.

Ethan's phone vibrated as a text arrived.

He'd been longing for a text all day, but now it had arrived, he was scared of looking at it.

He sighed at his own stupidity. He didn't even know if it was from Honey. It might be from Cal saying they'd run out of milk again. Cal was always sending texts like that. Anyone would think he didn't know you could walk into a supermarket and buy some more. Did he think Ethan went up to the farm and milked one of the cows or something?

You'd think Cal would enjoy squeezing a cow's udders. Some of his girlfriends had been cows, after all.

There was no point in getting worked up over a text that might be from Cal.

Ethan counted to three and looked to see who the text was from.

It was from Honey.

* * *

Rita smiled as kindly at the patient as she could, but inside, she was seething. It wasn't the first complaint of this nature and it also wasn't the first to have been levelled against Louise.

But the thing that worried Rita most was the fact that the woman wasn't making a complaint at this moment. She was letting Rita know that she'd already made it.

"I am sorry you felt the need to make a complaint," she said. "I can assure you, that kind of thing is unusual in our hospital, but Nurse Tyler is very new to the job." She paused, knowing she had no real right to ask the next question, but forewarned was forearmed. "Can I ask who you made the complaint to?"

"A very nice lady called Mrs Beauchamp," said the woman.

* * *

Zoe walked out of Resus and leaned against the wall for a moment, massaging her temples. It was fair to say she was having a difficult day.

A difficult, _noisy_ day.

"Zoe? Are you all right?" said Dylan.

Zoe jumped. "Dylan, I didn't see you there. You nearly gave me a heart attack."

"Heart attacks are caused by a blockage in the supply of blood to the heart," said Dylan. "I highly doubt I could be responsible for one of those."

Zoe sighed. "You know what I mean, Dylan. It's just a saying."

Dylan looked at her for a moment. "You're not all right, are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine," said Zoe with another sigh. "I've just got a splitting headache and all those machines beeping away don't help. It's odd: most of the time I don't even notice them, I'm so used to them, but today I'm hearing every single beep and shriek and howl and moan..."

Dylan looked concerned. Not everyone would recognise that look as a concerned look, but Zoe did, every time.

"I could lend you my noise-reducing headphones," he said.

"You know what? That actually sounds perfect," said Zoe. "I don't suppose it reduces the patients too?"

* * *

Cal was slinking off for a slightly early break. All his patients had been discharged and it seemed silly to go and call some more patients, only to leave them in cubicles for twenty minutes while he had a coffee and got some fresh air. He heard the emergency phone ringing and moved away from it as quickly as he could: he hadn't gone to bed quite as early as he should have done last night and he needed caffeine urgently.

"Dr Knight," said Connie's voice.

Cal froze. Then he decided to pretend he hadn't heard and started walking again.

"Dr Knight, I know you heard me. Believe me, you wouldn't be my first choice to assist me, but Dr Chao is with a patient; Dr Hanna has gone for her break; Dr Keogh is not yet back from his; and I have no idea where Dr Hardy is."

Cal had a feeling Ethan was probably staring despondently at his mobile phone and willing Honey to call him, but he decided not to tell Connie about that. He turned and gave Connie a weak smile. "So what's the problem, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"An incident at the women's prison. One prisoner attacked the other. She's on her way in now."

"Right," said Cal a bit faintly. "That's fine. I'll help you."

There were a lot of women in that prison after all. The chances of its being someone he knew were very small.

Connie gave him a look that made him feel significantly smaller. "Dr Knight, it wasn't a request."

* * *

"Okay," said Robyn. "Let's try it again."

She was trying to stay cheerful, but her patience was beginning to fray at the edges. She didn't want to be unkind, but she was finding it a bit difficult to believe that Louise had worked as a nurse before. She had almost no bedside manner; very little interest in the patients, and she could never remember anything she was told.

"So let's say I'm a patient," said Robyn. "You have to give me a blood test and I'm really scared of needles."

"Everyone's scared of needles," said Louise dismissively. "Why should some people get more attention just because they're making a fuss?"

"Because not everyone is equally scared," said Robyn.

Louise sighed. "But they can't seriously believe any trained nurse would actually want to stab them."

"Well, in the first place, fear makes you have irrational thoughts so they're not going to be capable of that kind of logic," said Robyn. "Secondly, needlestick injuries can happen by accident and the patients are probably aware of this."

"But it's not common, is it?" said Louise. "And if it does, it's their fault, not ours."

Robyn thought it would be a bit unkind to wish someone else was Louise's mentor. Even if it was a secret wish right inside her head that she wasn't even going to tell Lofty.

But she did wonder if she was the right person for the job.

* * *

Lily liked to think that she was good at dealing with difficult patients. She never tried to be friendly towards them like Cal did or over-kind like Ethan, but she usually managed to get her point across and even the most unco-operative of patients generally wilted in the face of the newly-qualified registrar.

Unfortunately, she now found herself treating one of the few exceptions.

"But you need to have this scan, Melissa," said Lily. "You could have a very serious head injury which needs treatment, but before we can do that, we need to confirm it."

Melissa was sobbing. "No, I can't. I can't!"

"Why not?" said Lily. She had asked this before, more than once, but she had not been satisfied with the answer.

"Because it comes right down over your head!" wailed Melissa. "It feels like I'm going to die! I can't do it. I can't."

"Of course it comes down over your head," said Lily. "It needs to do that in order to scan your head. Please be sensible."

"I am being sensible!" cried Melissa. "No-one with any sense would go in there and I've got sense so I'm not doing it."

Lily tried again. "If you don't have the scan, we won't know if you have a serious head injury. If you do have a serious head injury, you could die."

"I'll die if I go in that scanner!" sobbed Melissa. "So I might as well go home and die. I'm not going to do it and you can't make me!"

* * *

Charlie watched, resigned, as Louis stormed out of his hospital room. It had happened almost every time Louis had visited, but he tried to console himself with the thought that Louis' visits were gradually becoming longer and longer. This time, he'd stayed for almost twenty minutes before his frustration and emotion had overwhelmed him.

Jacob sent him a sympathetic smile. "You need me to go after him?"

Charlie smiled back, grateful for his kindness. "No, it's all right. It's difficult for him. It's better to leave him alone now."

A lot of nurses would have gone after Louis anyway, but Jacob nodded before returning his attention to the young patient beside Charlie. Jacob always listened to what Charlie said and accepted that he knew his own mind – and his own son.

Jacob finished with his patient and came to Charlie's side. "How are you doing then, Nurse? I heard you might be out of here soon."

"The sooner I'm out, the sooner I'll be back," said Charlie.

Jacob laughed. "How did I know you were going to say that? Now what I'm supposed to say now is 'one step at a time' and 'let's not go getting ahead of ourselves', but if there's anyone who already knows that, it's you. Besides, you're probably now strong enough to hit me over the head with that drip if I start talking in clichés."

"Stronger every day," said Charlie.

"I can see you are," said Jacob. "And it's good to see, Charlie. I've seen a lot of good things since I came here. Lives saved. Crises averted. Mrs Beauchamp's sweet cheeks. But the thing that makes me happiest is you getting better and I don't think there's one person in this hospital who's going to disagree with me."


	2. Chapter 2

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review! I'm really glad you like it so far - I hope you enjoy this chapter too.

 **Tanith Panic** , I was really hoping Louise would become a softer character once she'd faced her fear and become a nurse again, but it hasn't happened so far! Still, it's only been one day. Thank you for your review and your kind words.

 **TheAtomicCheesepuff** , I'm glad it's not just me who wondered about that! Thank you for your review - and as you can see I'm updating right now!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - and you don't have to wait any longer! I hope you enjoy Chapter 2.

 **xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx** , your wish is my command - updated! Thank you for your review and I'm glad you like it so far.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , maybe they will be evacuated in the next episode - it's a shame we have to wait so long to find out! You'd expect a lot of them to be very upset if anything happened to Guy or Fletch. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , the two series do seem to be fairly unconnected so it wouldn't surprise me if it's not mentioned in Casualty - especially as Casualty has a week off. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

* * *

Connie's lips tightened as she realised the nurse assigned to the prisoner was Rita Freeman. She preferred not to work with Rita at the best of times; following the complaint, Connie's desire to work with the nurse had plummeted still further. She would do what she had to do, of course, but she knew that it would be a very difficult interview – an interview that would be postponed at least until the patient they were treating was stable.

"Connie," Rita greeted her with a professional smile.

"Rita," said Connie, with a smile of her own. "My office, please, as soon as we've finished with the patient."

"Sounds like someone's in trouble," said Cal, who'd been making inappropriate and extremely unfunny jokes ever since Connie had told him about the patient. She looked round in the hope that Ethan might have rematerialized, but there was no sign of him. Connie frowned: that was another little issue that needed sorting out.

Once she'd finished dealing with his brother.

"Whether a member of staff is or is not in trouble, Dr Knight, is hardly any concern of yours," she said.

"Sorry," mumbled Cal, much to her surprise. He wiped his hands on his scrub top and then fidgeted with the pens in his pocket. If Connie hadn't known better, she would have said he was nervous – which could also explain his recent unwise levity – but she couldn't think of any reason why that would be the case. The self-dubbed Knight in Shining Armour would hardly fear a patient just because they'd been in prison.

But Connie had no more time to consider the matter. The doors were opening and their newest patient was on her way.

* * *

Dylan handed the earphones to Zoe. "I need them back at the end of your shift."

Zoe nodded quickly: she knew it would worry Dylan if his belongings weren't back in their proper place at the appropriate time. Besides, Dylan was finishing later than she was today and might be needing them himself. "Thanks, Dylan."

"I hope they help," said Dylan as he walked away.

Zoe put the earphones over her ears. Although they weren't in a particularly noisy part of the hospital, she was still aware of every shout and clatter from downstairs. As soon as her ears were covered, the sounds faded almost to nothing and she was left with an almost complete silence that surprised and delighted her. She felt the tension beginning to drain away from her shoulders as she began the walk to her office.

The relief didn't last. It seldom did. Coming towards her, carrying a mop and bucket, was Max Walker, technically (some might say) her husband, though the marriage hadn't been consummated and wasn't likely to be. Zoe was hit by a sudden wave of guilt and sadness. It was all her fault that it had gone wrong and there was nothing she could do to change it.

"Zoe," said Max with a rather distant nod. His voice was too quiet for her to hear it, but she could read his lips. She knew his lips so well.

"Max," said Zoe: "can't we at least talk?"

"I have nothing to say," said Max sadly, and walked away.

* * *

Louise wished Robyn would go away and leave her alone. She liked Robyn, but she was afraid she wasn't going to like her for long if Robyn remained her mentor. She was always so nice and so patient, but that made it even more difficult. Robyn had everything: kindness; gentleness; empathy; the ability to perform under pressure and think quickly. Louise was sure that, at some stage, she must have had at least some of these qualities, but they'd completely deserted her now.

Robyn's competence, coupled with her lovely way of speaking to people, only made Louise feel more inadequate, and this annoyed her. On reception with Noel, Louise had always been the competent one who knew where everything was and always knew what to do. Beside Robyn, she felt lost.

And the more inadequate Louise Tyler felt, the more her tolerance levels dipped (and they weren't very high to start with) and the more her temper rose. This was not good news for anyone who happened to get in her way.

"Hi!" said Robyn cheerfully as they entered the cubicle. "It's Owen, isn't it? I'm Robyn and this is Louise. We're working together today. So, Louise is going to take some bloods and then we'll get them rushed up to the lab and get the results back to you as quickly as possible."

She gave Louise a quite unnecessary nudge in the arm. Louise glared at her and turned to the patient, who looked like he was in his late teens or early twenties. "Hi…" She stopped.

"Owen," prompted Robyn.

"Hi, Owen," said Louise, trying to conceal her shock at her memory lapse. Working on reception, she'd always been brilliant with patients' names, and then they were dealing with several patients at once. Noel had been in awe of her.

It was safe to say Robyn wasn't.

Louise rubbed the young man's arm with alcohol. "Not scared of needles, are you?" she asked, unable to prevent a slight sneer from creeping into her tone. But perhaps he wouldn't notice.

"It's okay if you are," said Robyn quickly. In the voice of one sharing a secret, she added: "I'm not terribly keen on them myself."

"Really, Robyn?" said Louise, startled. "How can a nurse be scared of needles?"

Robyn looked awkward. "Well, giving a blood test is a bit different from receiving one… but don't worry, Owen. You're in safe hands with Louise."

Louise tied a tourniquet around Owen's arm and prepared to insert the needle. Her lip curled as she saw he was actually shaking. What a baby! Louise wouldn't say there was nothing that scared her. Confronting her past had been terrifying. But you had to learn to control your fears and someone of Owen's age ought to be able to do that.

"You'll feel a sharp scratch," said Louise. She inserted the needle.

Owen let out a small whimper.

"Oh, don't be such a baby!" said Louise. "It's not that bad! Maybe you should have brought your mummy with you."

Robyn gasped audibly. "She didn't mean it, Owen. It's okay."

Owen gave a sob. "My mum died. That's why I'm having the tests. To make sure I haven't got what she had."

"Oh God." Louise froze into place, still holding the needle as the small phial filled with blood. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"Louise, would you like me to take over?" Robyn said with a sweet smile that didn't deceive Louise one bit.

Louise removed the needle, offered the equipment to Robyn, and had one last look at Owen. "I really am so sorry."

She left the cubicle with the feeling that coming back to nursing was a terrible mistake.


	3. Chapter 3

_I thought I'd update this early as I'll be away from the internet from midday to midnight - how will I survive?_

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're enjoying all the storylines. Don't worry: I won't do anything major like letting Louise quit her job! It's much too soon for that, but there were always going to be teething problems.

 **Vickatronic** , thank you for your review. I'm glad I made you smile! There's a bit of Dylan in this chapter and both he and Zoe will be in the next one, so I hope you enjoy them.

* * *

"I know what you need! We should all play a game," said Jacob. "It gets boring lying there in a bed all the time. You can't exercise your bodies, but at least you can exercise your minds. Do you know Charades?" He received answering nods from the three patients, Charlie being the most enthusiastic.

"Just don't try to act out The Full Monty, Jacob," said Charlie with a smile.

Jacob laughed. "No, don't worry. I know Mrs Beauchamp likes to drop in and visit you sometimes: I don't want to give her a pleasant surprise. Okay, I'll start." He thought for a moment and decided on _Doctor Who_. He didn't know what the boys were into, but that was a programme they'd all have heard of.

He confidently made the sign for a television programme, and grinned when all three patients called out: "TV!"

"Now, I have to remember to hold my hand the right way round for this," said Jacob. "I don't want to get into trouble with the delectable Mrs B." He held up two fingers, palm facing outwards.

"Two words!"

Jacob did have the slight nagging worry that nothing rhymed with doctor, but mainly he was just pleased his idea was working. Cheering up patients wasn't as difficult as some people seemed to think – you just had to work out the right way.

* * *

Lofty could tell straight away that there was something wrong with Cal. He looked white and his hands were shaking badly as he pulled on a pair of gloves. Lofty was working with Dylan in Bay 4 so he didn't know anything about the patient being wheeled into Bay 3, but it did look as though she might be female. He wondered if Cal knew her. From the way Cal talked about women, you'd think he knew most of the women in Holby.

But if he did know her, why was he treating her?

Dylan paused in double-checking his series of final checks and looked up at Lofty. "All right: you can go." He paused. "Thanks, Lofty."

It still felt odd hearing Dylan use his nickname. Lofty smiled at him but didn't leave Resus. His eyes were on Cal, who was having terrible trouble with his second glove. His eyes looked shiny. Connie was giving instructions, which so far only seemed to be for the nurses, who were busy connecting the patient up to machines.

"She's arrested!" said Rita.

Cal gave a little sob. Connie glanced at him. "Dr Knight: out. Dylan, over here, please."

"But I haven't finished checking-"

"There's no time," said Connie. "Just get over here."

Dylan stood frozen. Lofty, not knowing what else to do, took his arm and led him over to Connie's patient. Then he put his arm around Cal. "Come on, Cal. Come with me."

Cal tried to pull away from him. "I need to be with her."

"You don't want to see someone you care about going through that," said Lofty as he moved Cal firmly towards the doors. "But you know she's in very good hands."

"I love her," said Cal, the tears running unchecked down his cheeks now. "I thought I was over her. How can I love her after what she did to Ethan?"

All this made little sense to Lofty, but you couldn't expect the distressed ex-boyfriend of a patient to be coherent. "Love often doesn't make sense, Cal. I'm sure Ethan knows that."

"Where is he?" sobbed Cal.

Lofty kept his arms around him. "Let's get you into the staff room, then I can try to find him for you."

He hoped there would be someone else in the staff room who could look for Ethan. Lofty wasn't sure that leaving Cal on his own was a very good idea.

* * *

"Goodbye, Melissa," said Lily. "I am sorry I was not able to help you on this occasion. If you change your mind, you can always come back."

"Maybe I will," said Melissa. She was calmer now, but she looked tired and Lily was sure her head was aching.

"If you've changed your mind now, I'm happy to help you now," she said, trying not to show the sudden hope inside her. It did not do to betray your feelings.

Melissa shook her head. "You know, all I wanted was to be reassured. To be told you were there and I wasn't alone. To be told that everything would be all right. But you couldn't even give me that."

Lily frowned. "But you knew I was there. You could see me. And I could not tell you everything would be all right when I didn't know the results of the scan. Did you want me to lie to you?"

"You could have told me the _scan_ would be all right," said Melissa. "That it wouldn't be long. That you would be there the whole time. But you didn't." She turned and left the building.

Lily watched her go.

She had a feeling that her main concern should be for her patient and what could happen to her if she returned home with a serious head injury. She _was_ concerned about that.

But the reason why Melissa had left the hospital without being treated was because Lily had failed in her job.

* * *

Ethan screeched to a halt outside the flat Honey shared with Noel and jumped out of the car, relieved to see that Honey's own car – that silly but somehow adorable pink car with eyelashes on the headlights – was still there.

He was in time, then. She hadn't left yet.

Unless they'd both gone in _his_ car, of course.

The thought of seeing _him_ almost frightened Ethan away, but not quite. Honey was his girlfriend and he loved her and he would fight for her if he had to.

He would rather not fight if he had any choice about it, but he could throw a half-decent punch if provoked.

Ethan hammered on the door and waited. His heart was beating so quickly, he could almost hear it.

"All right! Keep your hair on! I'm coming!" he heard Honey shout from inside the flat.

Not that Ethan could hear the exact words, but it was probably something like that, knowing her.

Honey opened the door. "Oh. It's you."

"Honey, please can we talk?" said Ethan.


	4. Chapter 4

**xXxAnInspiredWriterxXx** , I am completely lost without my laptop. I'm always googling something or having story ideas! Thank you for your review - I'm really pleased you're enjoying the story.

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. I will do my best to keep on writing - I really enjoy writing and also reading reviews - it's nice to think I've given someone a bit of happiness.

 **Paradoxilla** , I think I'm officially the only person in the world who has never watched Coronation Street, but I'm glad to have made an accidental reference to a popular show! Thank you so much for your review - I'm really happy you like the story.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you so much - that's really kind of you. It is difficult juggling so many storylines and characters, but it's fun! I find Charlie the most difficult to write, but I hope I'll improve with practise.

 **Tanith Panic** , I find Louise such an interesting character. She can be hard and unempathic, but she can also be really kind. I imagine what happened to her had a devastating effect and now she's afraid to show the softer emotions. I had to show Lofty's caring side because we love it! Thank you for both your reviews.

 **Tato Potato** , I think Robyn will probably be less annoyed with Louise than a lot of people would! On the other hand, she's not afraid to take Dylan to task. Thank you for your review!

 **LittleBritishPerson** , I think Honey showed quite a bolshy side in her first couple of episodes and she was quite rude about the dress Ethan bought her, but even so, I was shocked by her recent behaviour! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Dylan had known it would happen, but he was in no way prepared. Connie should have let him finish going through his checklist before asking him to help with the other patient, but as usual, she hadn't listened. The female patient in Bay 3 was now stable, but the male patient in Bay 4 had been in VF with no output for twenty minutes.

Dylan wasn't giving up, but he knew it was hopeless. He hadn't finished his checks and the patient was in Bay 4 – so what chance was there? In his therapy sessions, he'd been working on the idea of taking a step back from his fears and emotions and trying to think the situation through in a detached way, but this was impossible in practice.

"Dylan, I'm sorry, but I don't think there's anything we can do," said Rita.

Dylan was breathing hard, from the emotion as much as the physical exertion. "Take over, please."

Rita made no move to obey him. She fixed her eyes on Dylan's. Her voice was sympathetic but firm. "I really think you need to call this. If you won't do it, I'm going to get Connie over here."

"Fine," said Dylan. "Get Connie."

He saw reluctance pass over Rita's face. Everyone knew Connie wasn't her favourite person, but she nodded and went over to the clinical lead, who was speaking to Taylor, her voice unusually quiet and reassuring.

"Connie, I think there's nothing we can do over here, but Dylan doesn't agree," said Rita.

"I'll just be a minute," said Connie. She said a few more words to Taylor, then came over to Dylan. She checked the monitors, then asked Rita a few brief questions. "I really think we need to call this, Dylan. If you won't, I will."

"It's too soon," panted Dylan.

Then an alarm sounded through the hospital.

* * *

Cal hadn't told Lofty about Taylor before. Not the full truth. Lofty knew the relationship was over, and he'd realised Cal was heartbroken because he was very good at picking up on people's feelings, but that was all he knew.

Now, Cal told him everything.

They'd met Louise on the way to the staff room and asked her to find Ethan, there was no sign of him. Louise hadn't returned to the staff room either.

Lofty hugged Cal and murmured comforting words throughout his recital, but he couldn't help feeling shocked when Cal admitted to using Ethan's credit card to give Taylor £15000.

"I know it was bad," sniffed Cal as he wiped more tears away. "But Taylor seemed so upset and she needed the money so much more than Ethan did." He shook his head. "No. That's no excuse. I can see that now. But it didn't seem wrong then."

"Con-artists are very clever," said Lofty gently. "They're very good at deceiving people and it's difficult to think clearly when you're in love. You made a mistake, but Ethan's moved on and you should too."

"I don't know if I can," whispered Cal. He went to his locker and returned with a photograph. A photograph of him and Taylor.

Lofty opened his mouth to speak. Then an image flashed across his mind.

There was something he'd seen. Something odd. Something he'd meant to tell Dylan.

But Dylan had been focusing on the patient and he'd brushed Lofty aside. Lofty had meant to tell him afterwards, but he'd forgotten.

Lofty looked at Cal and considered telling him now, but Cal was crying, his tears dripping onto the photograph. Lofty couldn't tell him anything. Not now. He put his arm around Cal again.

A moment later, they heard the alarm.

* * *

Jacob's idea of playing games had really caught on. They'd just played Twenty Questions and now they were playing the ABC game with glamour models. Charlie didn't know many glamour models as they were all much too young for him and hardly his type, but he joined in the game happily enough and the other two boys were happy to help once he'd thought of a viable first name. As both boys were very well-versed in the subject, almost any first name was accepted.

"You can choose the subject for the next round," he'd been told very generously. "Even if it's medical terms or silent films or something."

"Silent films? I'm not that old!" said Charlie, and they'd all laughed together because Charlie knew that no offence had been intended and the boys knew that none had been taken.

Their fun was cut short by an alarm.

* * *

Honey looked genuinely upset. She put her hand on Ethan's arm and he didn't shake it off because it seemed a bit rude and besides, he liked the feel of it.

"Ethan, I do really like you and I still proper fancy you, but it's not working, is it?" said Honey.

"On the contrary: I would have said it was working very well," said Ethan, trying and failing to keep the hurt from his voice.

"But we don't have anything in common, Ethan," said Honey gently. "You like walking holidays and foreign films and reading about new medical research. I like shopping and Disney films and reading _Closer_ magazine."

"But I don't think any of that matters," said Ethan. "I know I'm not usually keen on shopping and Disney films and celebrity magazines, but I do enjoy them when I'm with you. I love talking to you. Listening to you. I love your smile and the way you hug me and the way you make my whole world seem brighter. If I have a bad day at work, I can tell you about it and then you make me feel like it doesn't matter anymore."

Honey nodded sadly. "I know, Ethan. And I've tried so hard. You're the loveliest guy I've ever met. You're a gentleman and you treat me like a lady, even though you know I'm not. You don't care that I'm only a barrister and I used to be an exotic dancer. You see me as your equal. A lot of guys wouldn't see a woman as his equal even if she had a better job than him."

Ethan swallowed a lump in his throat. "You are my equal and you are a lady and I'm proud you're my girlfriend."

"But I don't want to be your girlfriend," said Honey.

* * *

Lily blinked back tears and tried to convince herself she needed to carry on with her work. There were patients waiting and both they and her colleagues were relying on her.

But she couldn't do it. She'd let a patient leave with a potentially serious injury. She'd tried her hardest and it hadn't been enough because she'd done it in the wrong way. She hadn't given Melissa what she needed and wanted; she hadn't given her what would have worked.

Melissa was being ridiculous, of course. Lily still believed that. It was childish to refuse to do what you knew to be the right thing just because you objected to the way in which the request was made. But some people were childish and there was nothing you could do to change that. The only thing you really had the power to change was your own behaviour – and Lily hadn't done it.

She hadn't even thought of doing it. It hadn't even occurred to her that this was what Melissa needed.

Lily felt tears running down her cheeks and brushed them away before heading to the loos.

She reached the door at the exact same time as Louise. "Lily? Are you okay?"

Lily wouldn't usually confide in a nurse. Especially not one who was very new to the job and lacked the politeness to address her as Dr Chao. But she realised she wanted so badly to tell someone and she had no close friend in the ED. Not since Ethan. "I... failed one of my patients today."

"So did I," said Louise.

They looked at one another for a moment.

Louise gave her a small smile. "Lily, do you want to go and grab a coffee?"

Lily felt the strangest stirrings of hope. Was Louise offering her friendship?

At one time, she would have scorned the thought. But not now.

She opened her mouth to reply.

Then the alarm went off.

* * *

Zoe was having a lovely dream. About Max. About being in his arms again.

It had been so restful, sitting in her office, hardly able to hear anything. She'd closed her eyes to savour it and fallen asleep.

She heard the alarm in her dream, but it seemed such a long way away.

She kissed Max again.


	5. Chapter 5

**ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying it, but I'm afraid Zoe won't be waking up quite yet...

 **Paradoxilla** , haha, read on and find out how many of them did as you told them! I'm afraid it isn't quite all of them. Thank you for your review!

 **TheAtomicCheespuff** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. I'm trying to update every day so here's Chapter 5! I hope you like it.

 **Tanith Panic** , I really wanted to try writing about some of the other characters and I was curious about how the bomb would affect the ED... so it made sense to put both ideas together! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're finding the story intriguing! I hope you continue to enjoy it.

* * *

Rita hated herself for it, but her eyes went instantly to Connie for guidance. The clinical lead barely hesitated. "Dylan, Rita: you and the others take Taylor outside, please."

"What about…" Dylan gestured towards the patient in Bay 4.

"He's dead," said Connie dismissively. "You can handle this, can't you, Sister Freeman? I'll see you outside."

Taylor was crying. She looked more like an angel than a criminal. Her blonde hair was fanned out over her pillow and she looked terrified. "What's happening? Is there a fire?"

"There are any number of things it could be," said Rita in a calm, no-nonsense way. "In my experience, it's most likely to be Dr Knight burning the toast. You'll be fine, Taylor." She lifted her head and looked at Dylan, who was still staring down at his patient. "Dylan. There's nothing you can do for him now, so come and help us, please."

"You… you go on," Dylan said over his shoulder. "I'll be along in a minute."

Rita watched him, frozen by momentary indecision. Into her mind came the treacherous thought that Connie would know what to do… but Connie wasn't here. Rita looked at the other nurses. "Okay. You take Taylor out now. Dylan, follow on as soon as you can, please. I'm…" She paused, hardly able to believe she was really saying this. "I'm going after Connie."

* * *

Cal sat with his face in his hands. "It's just a false alarm, Lofty."

"It probably is, but we still need to go out there," said Lofty patiently. "Come on, Cal." He put his arm around Cal and tried to haul him to his feet.

Cal sniffed. "I don't want anyone to see me like this."

"I think they'll probably be too worried about the alarm to notice," said Lofty. He rubbed Cal's shoulder. "If you go out, you'll be able to see Ethan. He's probably out there already and he'll be worried sick about you."

"Do you think Taylor… do you think she's…"

Lofty's voice was gentle. "I don't know any more than you do, Cal. But if you come with me now, we can find out."

* * *

Charlie saw the terror on the boys' faces, quickly replaced by an attempt at bravado. He got out of bed, reminding himself not to rush, and went over to the wheelchair by the side of the wall. He took it to the nearest bed and helped the boy to climb into it. "Time to go on a little adventure," he said.

The other boy got uncertainly out of bed. Charlie held out his hand to him and he came over at once, putting his hand trustingly in Charlie's.

Charlie put his hand on one of the wheelchair handles and put his own hand over it. "All ready? Then let's go."

He was aware of how tired and unsteady he felt, but he hoped the adrenaline would get him through if nothing else did. Despite his feeling of weakness and his genuine concern for the boys, he felt excitement rise up inside him. This wasn't the role he was used to playing in an emergency, but being part of one made him feel more alive than he had since his heart attack. "I'm afraid we can't take the lift in case there's a fire, so we'll just have to improvise. But you're both good at that."

They'd played quite a few improvisation games.

As they approached the staircase, the glass door swung open and Charlie came embarrassingly close to collapsing with relief when he saw it was Jacob.

"There you are!" Jacob's smile was as broad and unworried as ever. He bent over the wheelchair and gently lifted the boy. "Charlie, could you fold up the wheelchair for me? Good man. Now let's get outside and find out what all the fuss is about."

* * *

Ethan looked at Honey through eyes blurred with tears. "I thought you loved me."

"I liked you," said Honey. She touched Ethan's arm. "You are sweet. You're very sweet. But I want a guy with a bit more backbone and, I don't know, wildness about him. I want a guy who can dance with me all night long."

"I can dance with you all night long," said Ethan.

"Ethan, you can't even dance."

"But I could improve," said Ethan. "I could have lessons. You could give me lessons. Please, Honey. Please give me another chance."

"There's no point," said Honey. "I've met someone else now and we're happy."

Ethan felt a tear rolling down his cheek and quickly dashed it away. "You hardly know him, Honey."

"I feel like I do know him," said Honey. "When I'm with him, I just feel like the world is all pink and sparkly."

Ethan sniffed. "What colour's the world when you're with me?"

"Sort of… grey," admitted Honey. "It wasn't like that at first. But now…" She looked away.

"Now the novelty's worn off," said Ethan bitterly.

"Well… yeah," said Honey.

* * *

Robyn hadn't been relishing the thought of having a quiet word with Louise. But it was her job and Robyn was determined to do it well, so she'd searched the ED for Louise, finally discovering her in conversation with Lily outside the loos.

Robyn approached slowly, unsure if the conversation was professional or personal. Knowing Lily, it was likely to be the former.

"Lily, would you like to go and grab a coffee?" said Louise.

Robyn was startled, and more than a little bit interested in Lily's reply, but instead she heard the sound of the alarm.

"Right. We need to leave," said Lily, taking charge. She pushed open the door of the loos. "If anyone is in here, please come out now, leave the ED by the quickest route and assemble in the car park. Thank you."

Robyn watched admiringly, but as Lily turned, she saw the registrar's eyes were red.

"Louise, I need to speak to you later, but let's not worry about it for now," Robyn said with a smile as they made their way to the nearest exit.

Louise glared at her. "Don't hold back on my account. If you've got a problem with me, Robyn, you can say it to my face right now."

"Okay: maybe I will!" said Robyn, stung. "Louise, if you want to be a nurse, you need to be more empathic. If someone is scared, you need to reassure them. It doesn't matter if they're scared over nothing. All that matters is how they're feeling. They're having a horrible enough time already: they're in hospital!"

"Who are you to say if I'm feeling empathy or not?" retorted Louise. "You can't see into my head! I know I said the wrong thing to that boy. I feel awful about it. But you'd better start showing me some respect, girl, or we're going to have problems."

"I think we're having problems already," said Robyn.

Lily stepped between them. "I think you both need to calm down. Our first concern is the emergency and the safety of our patients. You can worry about your personal differences later."

"Thank you, Lily," said Louise. She gave Lily a sweet smile and Robyn an insolent stare. "Exactly what I was going to say."

* * *

Lofty kept his arm lightly around Cal's shoulders as they made their way towards the exit. Cal was trembling, though Lofty had decided not to mention it.

They saw Connie coming from the other direction, her phone pressed to her ear. Her eyes met Lofty's and she made a shooing motion towards the door. "A bomb?" she said into the phone. "How could a bomb have got into the hospital?"

Cal sniffed and said it was probably someone panicking over an unattended bag.

Ordinarily, Lofty would have agreed, but Connie's face was white.

"No, we didn't see any suspicious characters hanging around the ED," said Connie as she strode past them.

Lofty felt as though he couldn't breathe.

"Are you okay?" said Cal, his red eyes scrunched into an expression of concern.

"Fine," said Lofty, the words catching in his throat. As they passed Resus, Lofty glanced inside, as much to avoid looking at Cal as anything, and saw someone kneeling on the floor.

"Lofty?" Cal was several paces ahead of him. "What's up?"

"Will you be okay by yourself?" said Lofty.

Cal hurried to his side. "What are you talking about? You can't stay in here."

"Dylan's in there," said Lofty quietly. "He looks… upset. I'm going to help him. You go and find Ethan and check on Taylor."

"Okay," said Cal after a moment or two. "But don't take any risks. If he refuses to go with you, just get yourself out."

Lofty nodded. He took a nervous breath and went over to Dylan.


	6. Chapter 6

**ETWentHome** , thank you so much for what you said about Charlie - I really appreciate all your comments, but it's very reassuring and a big relief to know I'm not messing it up. I have to agree with you - Honey was harsh! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm really happy you've found so much to enjoy! There's more Robyn, Louise and Cal in this chapter. Unfortunately, I can't get them all into every chapter, but I hope no-one will be neglected for too long! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you for the new follows and favourites too. I hope you all enjoy Chapter 6!_

* * *

Connie knew that what she was doing was dangerous, but she had to make sure everyone got out safely. Having assured herself that everyone but the stubborn Dylan and the far-too-conscientious Lofty had left the ground floor of the ED, she started to run up the stairs.

"Connie, what are you doing?" shouted a horrified voice from behind her.

Connie stopped and spun round to glare at the nurse. "Rita, please leave the building."

"Why should I?" said Rita. "You haven't."

"I have to make sure everyone is safe!" shouted Connie.

"Connie, all the staff here are adults," said Rita. "They're all capable of getting themselves outside in an emergency."

"I'm the clinical lead," said Connie as she began to climb the stairs again. "My job is to run this department. I wouldn't be running it if I neglected to do my job."

Rita quickly climbed the stairs, her trainers much more suited to the task than Connie's heels. "Connie, I understand why you're worried. I would be devastated if anything happened to any of our staff or our patients. But you mustn't put yourself in danger. If we knew for certain that someone was up here, maybe it would be different. But we have no reason to assume that."

Connie was listening; reluctantly seeing the sense of what Rita was saying, but then Rita made the fatal mistake of putting her hand gently on Connie's arm. Connie shook her off angrily and the nurse gave a sharp scream.

For a horrible moment, she teetered. Everything moved in slow motion, including the hand Connie reached out to grab Rita, but she wasn't in time and could do nothing but watch as Rita pitched down the stairs.

After a moment of frozen horror, Connie raced to get to her side, but her shoes weren't made for running down the stairs. She missed a step and her ankle rolled sideways, collapsing beneath her. With a cry of pain, she fell.

* * *

There were so many people.

A large crowd had gathered in the car park and it was a while before Max alighted on his first familiar face: his sister, who, to his amazement, was having a blazing row with Louise as Lily attempted to calm them down.

"Have I walked into some sort of weird parallel universe?" said Max, and was unable to suppress the hope that perhaps in this universe, Zoe hadn't cheated on him.

"This sister of yours is power crazy!" said Louise. "I made a slight mistake, a very slight mistake, and she's going on like I've killed someone."

"Louise, it was more than a slight mistake!" said Robyn. "You really hurt him."

Louise glowered at her. "Well, how was I supposed to know what had happened with his mum? If you'd actually showed me the notes instead of keeping them to yourself… but you just had to be the senior nurse, didn't you, Robyn?"

"I am the senior nurse!" said Robyn.

Lily sighed. "Can you both please calm down? You are being very immature."

Louise put her face close to Robyn's, ignoring Lily. "Actually, no, I think you'll find I have several years more experience than you."

"But you're out of practice," said Robyn.

Lily tried again. "It sounds like you've both made mistakes. That's understandable. I made a big mistake too today. But there is no point in blaming each other."

"Who else am I supposed to blame when it's her fault?" said Louise.

"How is it my fault?" said Robyn. "Okay, so I very unkindly decided to take the pressure off you by not telling you the background. That is just, like, so unforgiveable and you'd better report me to Mrs Beauchamp. But it doesn't matter what the background is: you can't go around laughing at patients for being scared!"

Lily stepped between them. "You have both made your points. There is no need to make them again. We have patients all around us who are in need of support and perhaps medical assistance. So let's all go now and do our jobs. Louise, would you like to help me?"

Max saw the grateful look on Louise's face as she agreed. He also didn't miss the furious look on Robyn's. He put his hand on his sister's arm. "Come on, Robyn. Leave it for now, yeah?"

"But she laughed at him and taunted him!" said Robyn. "How can anyone who's trained as a nurse do that?"

"Louise used to be a receptionist," said Max. "She's spend the last few years standing up for herself and not taking any crap off anybody. She's got to adapt. Give the girl a break, Robyn. She made a pretty bad mistake, but I'm sure she knows that."

He patted Robyn's shoulder to soften his words and then continued to walk around the car park.

Robyn was safe and he was glad about that. But now he needed to find Zoe.

* * *

Cal looked down at the beautiful but pale woman who lay on the trolley, crying softly. Cal gazed at her for a moment, mesmerised, then took her hand in his and squeezed it.

He felt a jolt of shock run through her body. Or perhaps it was just the chemistry that had always been between them.

She turned to look at him, her eyes widening. "Cal?" she whispered.

"Taylor," said Cal. He raised her hand to his lips.

"Steady on!" said Taylor. Her voice was faint and her attempts to pull his hand from his were weak, but the fire in her eyes was the same, despite the tears.

"I'm so glad you're okay," said Cal. He was tearful too.

Taylor looked at him in disbelief. "You're really still carrying a torch for me after all this time?"

"It looks that way," said Cal.

Taylor stared at him contemptuously, but then she began to cry again.

Cal very nearly did as well. "Taylor, baby, don't cry. You mustn't feel guilty about anything. Except the conning, maybe, but it's not your fault I still love you."

"No… Cal… help me…"

"Taylor?" Cal quickly rubbed his tears away. Taylor had gone very pale and her tears were punctuated by sobs that were almost screams. He held her hand tightly to reassure her he was there and scanned the crowds of people around them, desperately searching for a face he knew. "Can I get some help over here, please?"

* * *

"But I love you," said Ethan. His legs seemed to give away and he just about made it to the sofa.

"Ethan…" Honey took a step towards him.

"Don't come near me!" said Ethan, and began to sob.

Honey flinched away from the harshness in his voice, but she knew she deserved it. She'd hurt him. She'd been so cruel. Ethan didn't know how close she'd come to throwing herself into his arms and begging him to take her back.

Ethan was annoying at times. He was old-fashioned and shy and had very strange taste in films. He had unusual dress sense and he really couldn't dance. He also seemed to have no interest whatsoever in getting Honey into bed and she found that frustrating in more ways than one.

There had definitely been times recently when she'd wondered if she'd made a mistake; if she'd relied too much on her dreams of Ethan rather than her memories when she'd made the decision to come back to Holby and fight for the man she thought she loved.

Now she knew she'd done exactly the right thing in coming back, but it was too late.

Honey didn't know what to do. She only knew she had to get Ethan out there.

She'd give him a few minutes, she decided. Perhaps he'd pull himself together and storm out. Then everything would be all right.

But then she heard the sound of a key in the lock.


	7. Chapter 7

**Tato Potato** , don't worry about not reviewing the last chapter. I'm posting it a bit too quickly to expect reviews every time. I really do appreciate your review though - I'm very happy you're enjoying it.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - your reviews never cease to make me happy! I'm really glad you're enjoying it.

 **Tanith Panic** , I hope you will like Louise more as the story progresses - but I will take it as a compliment that you think she's worth hating! Thank you for your review.

 _Thank you to everyone else who's still reading too._

* * *

Jacob breathed a secret sigh of relief as they finally reached the ground floor. He hadn't let his façade drop for a second – Jacob Masters never let anyone see when he was scared – but it was fair to say that the journey down the stairs had been on the hair-raising side. With three unwell patients, a wheelchair to carry and no-one else to help, Jacob had seriously been wondering if they would get out of the ED alive.

But he'd kept cheerful as they'd made their way down, helping Charlie to ensure that the boys saw it as an adventure and nothing more. Probably a false alarm, but something which they had to pay heed to all the same.

As they approached the doors, Jacob left Charlie in charge of the wheelchair as he went ahead to open the doors. They all seemed impossibly slow, but Jacob's smile didn't waver. "Out we come… and we made it! Good job, boys. The Great Escape was a success." Once they'd reached a safe distance, they all exchanged high fives.

Robyn saw them first and clapped a hand to her mouth. "Charlie! Oh my God! I didn't know you were still in there!"

"That's probably just as well, considering how worried you look!" said Jacob.

Charlie smiled. "I'm okay, Robyn. I've just been having an adventure with my room-mates. We pretended the stairs were a mountain."

"They feel like a mountain at the end of a long shift," said Robyn, her face relaxing in response to Charlie's smile.

"I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks that," said Charlie.

Jacob quickly interjected. "Robyn, could you take charge of these young men while I discuss tactics with Charlie?" In reality, he wanted to check that Charlie was none the worst for his little excursion, but he knew Charlie would prefer him not to broadcast the fact.

"Sure: come with me!" said Robyn. She smiled warmly at both boys, who, to Jacob's amusement, both seemed to fall a little bit in love, though it might have been more to do with her ample chest than her smile. Jacob watched them for a moment, then turned back to the one nurse whose opinion he valued more than his own.

* * *

Lily had never been so relieved to see Cal.

Her relief lessened just slightly when she realised Cal was crying, but he'd just have to get over whatever was wrong and do his job. "Dr Knight!"

Cal jumped and brushed his hand quickly across his face.

"Dr Knight, what is wrong with you?" said Lily. "There are patients who need our assistance."

"I… I can't work now." Cal sniffed and wiped the back of his hand across his nose.

Lily gave him a disgusted look and a tissue. "You have to."

"I have to stay with Taylor." Cal gestured towards a blonde girl lying on a trolley beside him. A nurse was injecting pain relief into a cannula while another was taking her pulse. "She was attacked today. She's already been in cardiac arrest." He sniffed again, but to Lily's relief, he used the tissue this time. "I don't know the extent of her injuries, but she's in pain and I love her."

"Cal, I know this must be difficult for you, but you're a doctor and you have to put your job first," said Lily.

On the trolley, Taylor moaned.

Cal stroked her hair. "It's okay, baby. I'm still here. I'm not leaving you."

Lily ground her teeth and wondered if, under the circumstances, shaking some sense into Cal might be acceptable.

"I'm sure one of the ambulances will be back soon," Cal said to Taylor. "It shouldn't take too long to get you to St James' and once you're there, they'll be able to make you more comfortable. And I'll be with you the whole time. I promised you I wouldn't leave you and I won't."

"Cal, you can't-" began Lily, but she stopped when Louise appeared. "Louise, did you find any of the doctors?"

"No sign of any of them," said Louise. "No Mrs Beauchamp, no Dr Hanna, no Dr Keogh, no Cal, no Ethan… I don't get it. They should all be here."

This news gave Lily a nasty feeling in her stomach, but she ignored it. "I've found Cal," she said, with a flicked glance in his direction.

He was staring, aghast, at Louise. He was clearly trying to speak, but it took him several attempts to get the words out. "What do you mean: no Ethan?"

"I mean he's not in the car park," said Louise, as though she were explaining to someone considerably younger and much less intelligent than Cal. "There are no ED doctors here apart from you two."

"Then where is he?" said Cal.

* * *

Max was making another frenzied circuit of the car park when he was suddenly seized from behind. He knew at once that the arms were too strong to be Zoe's, and that she wouldn't be grabbing him like that in any case, but he couldn't help hoping and he hated himself for it.

"Where are you off to in such a hurry, Maximilian?"

Max glared at Big Mac. "I told you. It's just Max."

"Max Lindsey Gerald, so I was told," said Big Mac.

"Yeah, all right: I don't have time for this now," said Max. "I can't find Zoe!"

"She'll be around here somewhere," said Big Mac comfortingly. "There are so many people, all moving around. She might be helping the paramedics or she might have gone to St James'."

"St James'?" said Max blankly.

"The more seriously ill and injured patients are being taken there by ambulance," explained Big Mac. "So Zoe might have gone with them. Why don't we go and see if we can find Dixie or Iain? They should know."

Max nodded and went with him. He was aware of Big Mac talking to him, but he didn't hear the words. He was remembering the last time he'd seen Zoe. She'd looked so cute in Dylan's earphone-things and he'd got a sudden urge to see her wearing the earphones and nothing else.

Max stopped walking.

The earphones.

He knew Dylan used them for noise reduction… but exactly how much sound did they cut out?

* * *

Dylan knew what he ought to be doing. He needed to leave the hospital and look after the patients he still had a hope of saving. It was ridiculous to sit on the floor Resus, keeping watch over a dead body. It was stupid. It was morbid. And there were so many people who needed help.

Lofty was sitting beside him. He'd made a few attempts at speaking to Dylan, suggesting they both went outside, but Dylan had so far not spoken. There were a million thoughts racing through his head, many of them contradictory, and he couldn't talk to Lofty as well.

Anyone who saw him would think he was being obsessive-compulsive, but Dylan was actually fighting the urges fairly well. What he wanted to do was to get up and try to revive the man lying on the bed. He wanted to do that more than anything: to continue with compressions until the man was back with him.

But the logical part of his brain knew that would achieve nothing. Even if there had been a chance of saving him before, it was gone now. Too much time had passed and the defibrillator probably wasn't switched on in any case.

He knew all this, but it didn't make the urges go away.

"How are you now, Dylan?" asked Lofty, his voice patient and calm. You would never have known from listening to Lofty that there was some kind of emergency going on and they were sitting in Resus when they should have been outside at the evacuation point.

" _I don't know_ ," said Dylan.

Lofty smiled. "That's okay. I'm not really sure how I am either. I feel quite calm and I feel happy because you're talking again, but I'm sure I'm terrified really."

Dylan turned towards him as the enormity of what Lofty was doing finally hit him. "You should go. It's not safe."

"I'm not going without you," said Lofty.

Dylan was hit by a wave of terror. He breathed through it and hoped it would soon pass. He wasn't only being stupid, he was endangering Lofty's life and he didn't want that. Lofty could be irritating at times, but he was the one person in the hospital who'd accepted Dylan as he was. When Dylan suddenly shouted at him, overwhelmed by stress and panic, Lofty remained calm and unoffended. When Dylan worried about checklists and numbers, Lofty behaved as though this was utterly normal. When Dylan panicked, Lofty just waited. He never attempted to touch Dylan or to tell him everything was all right, but Dylan somehow knew that Lofty wanted to reassure him. And knowing that made him feel reassured.

"No. You have to go," said Dylan.

"Will you come with me then?" said Lofty. "I don't want to go out there on my own." He stood up and held out his hand to Dylan. "Come with me, Dylan. It's okay. It's going to be fine."


	8. Chapter 8

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying the story so far. There are a lot of people who need to be found!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. It's really lovely that you like so many of the storylines. Cal is getting too attached to Taylor again, but you're right that he can't expect any help from Ethan this time! I'm happy you like Dylan and Lofty's friendship too.

 **Tanith Panic** , sometimes I wonder how Louise has kept her job, but there are lots of people in RL who are as bad or even worse! I enjoyed writing dirty Max, but now he needs to think with his brain rather than the other thing! Thank you for your review.

* * *

"Ethan!" said Honey. "You've got to go! Now!"

Ethan realised he was sitting on Honey's (well, Noel's) sofa, crying his eyes out and this wasn't at all fair on Honey. It wasn't her fault that she didn't love him. "I'm so sorry, Honey. Of course I'll go."

The door slammed. "Honey?" shouted a voice that didn't belong to Noel.

Honey grabbed Ethan's arm and dragged him into Noel's bedroom. "Get under the bed and stay there!" she hissed, and left the room.

Ethan had no idea why she wanted him to hide under Noel's bed, but there wasn't very much he wouldn't do for her. He crawled under the bed and cried quietly, thinking he might as well try to get it all out of his system while he had the chance. He would look a little bit silly, arriving back at the ED with red, puffy eyes, but it would be better to be tearstained and able to do his job than looking all right and not being able to do a thing because he was too busy trying not to cry.

"You'd better not be having second thoughts, Honey!" shouted a voice.

Ethan lifted his head and whacked it on the underside of the bed. He saw stars and could no longer hear anything at all, though that might be because Honey's visitor had stopped shouting.

Hold on, how dare he shout at Honey?

Ethan crawled out from under the bed and listened. He didn't want to interfere in Honey's new relationship, but he wasn't going to stand by and let him treat her badly.

"Too late to back out now, Honey! And even if you do, you know what will happen. You won't be able to go running to Daddy once he knows the truth, will you? And if your gran gets a shock like this, it could really finish her off this time."

There was a burst of sobbing from Honey.

Ethan jumped to his feet, all ready to charge out and rescue her. Then he remembered Honey had told him to stay hidden.

"So just get your stuff and come with me," said Honey's boyfriend.

"Why do you even want me anyway?" wept Honey. "You've made it clear you think I'm cheap as dirt and you're right. You could do so much better than-"

There was the sound of a slap. "You just do as you're told, bitch! You're right that I'm too good for you, but I'm doing you a favour: got it?"

Ethan burst into the room to see the man shaking Honey, before pushing her back against the wall. Furious, Ethan picked up a chair and crashed it against the man's head.

He gave a short cry and crumpled to the floor.

"Oh, Ethan!" Honey threw herself into his arms and cried even harder.

"It's okay," said Ethan as he hugged her. "It's okay, Honey. You're safe now."

She was safe. And he'd made her safe.

It was all quite incredible really. Not the kind of thing Ethan usually went around doing. Of course, he did save people's lives on a fairly regular basis, but CPR was usually as violent as it got.

And now, he, Dr Ethan Hardy, had hit someone over the head with a chair. And he'd deserved it too.

* * *

Cal looked down at Taylor. Her face looked pale and somehow hollow and there were tears coursing down her cheeks. Cal wiped them away with the tissue Lily had given him. "I'm sorry, Taylor. I know I said I'd go with you, but I can't. I love you more than anything – except my brother. And he could inside that building."

"Please come with me!" begged Taylor, looking terrified. "You're the only person in the world who cares about me. We can still be together. You can come and visit me. I'll phone you every week. I'll write to you. You… you were different from the others. Of course you were. You know that. Just please don't leave me!"

Cal shook his head. She was saying what he longed to hear, but he knew her words just came from fear. Even if they hadn't, he couldn't have gone to the hospital with her. "I'll come and see you later."

"No!" said Taylor. "You'll come with me now or you'll never see me at all."

"Then I'll never see you at all," said Cal sadly.

He turned and walked away.

* * *

Lily stood with her arms folded, trying to control the shaking that wracked her body.

She couldn't fall apart now. She just couldn't. People she knew; people she admired, even liked, were in that building. In danger. Unable to escape.

Lily wished she could unhear the tiny snippet she'd heard the policeman saying into his radio. It wasn't much, but she knew that there was a bomb and there were hostages. The policeman hadn't given any names, but he hadn't needed to. Connie, Zoe, Dylan and Ethan were all missing. Perhaps there were others too: Lily wasn't sure. But without Connie and Zoe, both the backbone and the heart of the ED were missing. Dylan had his problems, but he'd always tried to help Lily. And Ethan… just the thought of Ethan being in danger made Lily's heart quiver and threaten to break.

"Lily, the police want a word," said Louise.

Lily's hand flew to her mouth in panic. "With me? No. They can't talk to me. I'm only a junior doctor."

"No, you're a registrar," said Louise, confused.

"I've passed the registrar's exam," said Lily. "That doesn't mean I'm a registrar." She took a couple of shaky breaths. "They can't talk to me. I'm the wrong person to talk to."

Louise sighed impatiently. "Lily, you're the only person they can talk to. You and Cal are the only ED doctors here and Cal's too busy snivelling over that bimbo to be any use to anyone."

"But I can't," said Lily firmly. She didn't know why her voice was so calm when her thoughts were a jumbled mess, but she was grateful for that. If she had to fall apart, it was better for no-one to know.

"Look, we haven't got time for this!" Louise grasped Lily's arm and pulled her along.

Lily shook her head, still trembling. "You do it, Louise." She could hardly believe she was saying the words. She was Dr Chao: a qualified registrar, even if she didn't have a registrar's job. Louise was just a nurse and not even a very good one.

"What's wrong with you? No-one's going to listen to me!" said Louise. "I might be able to terrify them into doing what I say, but those people out there, they need someone who knows what they're doing. They need someone to take charge and lead them." Louise sighed. "Lily. You want to be like Mrs Beauchamp, right?"

"I would like to be a consultant eventually: yes," admitted Lily guardedly.

"Yeah, and that's why you've spent the last year staring at her and now you're even dressing like her," said Louise contemptuously. "This is your chance, Lily. Your chance to be Mrs Beauchamp. The department's in a mess and we need someone to take charge. We need _you_ , Lily."

"But everything has been organised," said Lily. "The patients are being looked after. Those that need to are being sent to St James's."

"That's just procedure, Lily," said Louise. "But that's not the only thing that matters here. We know there are almost no doctors because we've done our own check, but nobody else knows that, and we also don't know who else might be missing. We need to find out who's not here and inform the police."

Lily nodded slowly. Louise was right. They needed to be organised and methodical. Lily was both. Usually.

"Are you coming or do I have to drag you by the hair?" said Louise.

"Louise?" said Lily unsteadily.

"What now?" said Louise impatiently.

"I can't do this alone," said Lily. "Even Mrs Beauchamp needs a team. You have good organisation skills too and you aren't easily upset. Please will you help me?"

For perhaps the first time since Lily had known her, Louise was completely silent for several seconds. "Me?" she said.

"You are the best person to help me," said Lily. "We need to get everyone organised and you are very good at that. You know everyone in the hospital from your reception work. We will find Noel and ask him to help us too, but mostly I need you. Please."


	9. Chapter 9

_Thank you for all the amazing reviews, and for the new follows and favourites._

 **beckyboogle** , I'm so happy you enjoyed the chapter. I hope you enjoy this one too! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , I like a heroic Ethan too. I love him all sweet and awkward most of the time, but heroism means a bit more in some ways from someone like him! Thank you for your review.

 **Paradoxilla** , thank you for your review. Let's hope Cal has seen the light! Putting your brother before the con-artist is always a good start. I hope you enjoy the new chapter!

 **ETWentHome** , there's more of Lily and Louise in this chapter so I hope you enjoy it! Maybe the chair was a bit over the top, but he did punch Cal when he treated Lily badly so I thought he'd better do something! Thank you for your review.

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review - and thank you so much for saying that I write all the characters well - it's been a big challenge, but I'm enjoying it and it's really good to know you like the way I write them.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter! I think Lily and Louise have certain similarities and I can imagine them respecting each other. I'm happy you approve of Cal's and Ethan's actions! Thank you for your review.

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , I love the word Louly! Thank you for teaching me it and there is more Louly to come. I'm glad you enjoyed the update. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Robyn was talking to the boys when she saw something out of the corner of her eye: someone running. She couldn't see who it was, but something compelled her to look.

It was Max.

He was running towards the building, oblivious to the shouts of the police.

Robyn didn't think. She ran after him, calling his name, but found her arms firmly seized.

"I'm sorry, Nurse. You can't go in there, I'm afraid."

"But that's my brother!" said Robyn, and burst into tears. "You have to get him out of there! You have to!"

* * *

Lily finished speaking to the policeman and turned to face the crowd. Butterflies filled her stomach at the sight of them. If they were injured or ill, she would be able to treat them without any difficulties. Addressing a crowd was a completely different matter.

"Come on, Lily! You can do this," said Louise. "Wait a second." Louise left her side and returned minutes later with a trolley. "Stand on this. I'll put the break on to keep it still."

"I don't really like heights," said Lily nervously.

Louise sighed. "Lily, you'll be three feet off the ground, not three hundred! But I'll be there with you." She put the break on, scrambled on to the trolley ad then held out her hands to help Lily.

Lily took a deep breath and climbed up. She turned to face the crowd. "Excuse me. If I could have your attention, please."

Nobody heard. They continued talking, panicking and milling around.

Beside her, Louise took a deep breath. "QUIET!" she bellowed. She waited until everyone was silent and looking at them. "Dr Chao would like to say a few words to you all."

"Thank you, Louise," said Lily. "My name is Dr Lily Chao and I am a registrar with the emergency department. The more seriously injured among you have been taken to St James' Hospital, but I know some of you are also unwell, injured or upset and we need to help you. You will all please form lines. It doesn't matter how many lines there are or how long the lines are: I would simply like you to stand in lines and keep still so you can be assessed one at a time. If you are unable to move without assistance, please do not attempt to move until a member of our medical team is there to help you. Once the lines are formed, doctors, nurses and anyone else who is healthy and has medical training will please report to me. Are Noel Garcia and Max Walker here?"

The receptionist raised his hand. "Here, Dr Chao."

"Max?" said Lily.

"He's not here!" called Jacob, who had his arm around a weeping Robyn.

"Thank you, Jacob," said Lily. She tried not to feel annoyed with Robyn. It was understandable that she was worried about her brother, but Lily needed her help. "Noel, you will please come and speak to me. The rest of you, get into lines as I said." She climbed down from the trolley with Louise's help.

Noel arrived beside them, an easy smile on his face. "How can I help you, Dr Chao?"

"We need to make a record of everyone who is here," said Lily. "Would it be possible for you to hack into the system on your phone?"

"I can certainly do my best," said Noel.

"Excellent," said Lily, and went to help someone who was lying helpless on a trolley.

Once the lines were formed, Lily called the medical staff over to her. "Do you all have notebooks and pens? Good. Please speak to the patients one at a time, making notes of names and medical conditions. If anyone needs immediate emergency assistance, you will of course help them. Noel will try to access the hospital records, but if not, we can make our own records. Please try not to think about what is happening inside the hospital. As always, our priority is our patients."

As Lily watched the medical staff leave, uncomfortably aware that Cal also seemed to have disappeared now, she felt a light hand on her elbow.

"Good job, Lily!" said Louise.

"Thank you, Louise," said Lily. Seriously, she added: "I couldn't have done it without your help."

* * *

Connie put a hand up to her lip and felt blood. Pain seared through her ankle and she could feel multiple bruises forming.

Several steps below her, lying in a little heap, Rita was quite still.

She looked so vulnerable. To Connie, she had always seemed completely the opposite. Someone who could take care of herself and didn't care who she hurt along the way. She'd hurt Connie more than once and Connie didn't think she could ever forgive her.

But she needed help.

There were only a couple of stairs to the landing. Connie had landed face-down on the stairs and it seemed pointless to try to turn around and get up onto her feet and walk down in a dignified manner. Connie wasn't sure her ankle would hold, in any case. She tried to ignore the physical pain, just as she tried to ignore the emotional pain that hit her all the time in this job. It was all she could do sometimes to keep it inside.

Connie lifted a hand from the stair and groped for the one below. She dragged her body downwards, gasping aloud as her many bruises made themselves felt. She was glad (in a way) that Rita was unconscious and couldn't see her like this: the dignified Mrs Beauchamp, crawling down the stairs on her stomach.

It hurt. It hurt so much. Spots danced in front of Connie's eyes and she closed her eyes for a moment, willing the pain and nausea to go away or at least fade. After a moment, she tried again, forcing herself down another step. Only one more to go, though she would have to keep crawling in order to get the rest of her body down the stairs. Her skirt was bunched up around her bottom and she doubted her tights had survived the descent, but at least there was nobody to see.

And all the while, she waited. Waited and listened for the explosion she was sure would come. The bomb was in another part of the hospital, but the damage could potentially reach the ED.

At last, her hand touched the landing. She dragged her legs down the stairs, her ankle throbbing and protesting with every jolt. Connie gasped but managed not to cry out. "Rita?" said Connie, but there was no response. "Rita, can you hear me? Open your eyes!"

Rita's eyes remained closed, but as Connie shuffled on her stomach towards her, she heard a soft moan. Connie pulled herself into a sitting position, resisting the urge to bite her lips to stop herself from screaming.

"Rita, it's Connie," she said. "Can you tell me what hurts?"

"Head," said Rita.

Judging from the way in which she'd fallen, a spinal injury was also possible. Usually, the correct procedure would be to wait for assistance, but all that changed when the injured person was in danger. "Rita, does anything else hurt? Your back?"

"It feels a bit bruised," said Rita. She opened her eyes and fixed them on Connie, her gaze hardening. "Because you pushed me."

"No, Rita! I didn't!" Connie's voice rang with panic; she told herself to be calm. "I didn't push you, Rita. You were touching me and I shook your hand off."

"Do you really expect me to believe-" began Rita, but then she stopped as they heard footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Who's there?" called out Connie, just as Max came into view. She had no idea what he was doing here, but that could wait. "Max? Can you help us, please?"

"Sorry: no time," said Max. The staircase was split in two and he ran up the other one, too far away for Connie to grab him. "I need to get to Zoe!"

Connie's blood ran cold at the thought of Zoe being up there, but at least Max had a chance of helping her. "Rita, I know it's a risk to move you, but there's a bomb in the hospital. Can you sit up for me, please?"

Rita gave her a cool look. "For you, no. For myself…" Grimacing, she hauled herself up into a sitting position, but to Connie's relief, she moved easily and with no signs of severe pain.

"Rita, you're bleeding," said Connie worriedly. There was a laceration on Rita's head, but Connie had no bandages with her and no clothes that could be easily removed.

"The others are outside," said Rita. "They can deal with it. Let's go." She held the banister as she got herself into a standing position. For a moment, she swayed and Connie shuffled across the floor to catch her if necessary, but then Rita regained her balance. "What are you waiting for?"

"I can't walk," said Connie abruptly. She hated to show weakness. "I've twisted my ankle. A sprain, I think."

"Then you'll just have to go down on your bum, won't you?" said Rita unsympathetically.

Connie glared at her. "It looks like I will."


	10. Chapter 10

**Tato Potato** , I'm afraid things are about to start going even more wrong! I think it's sad Connie and Rita don't like each other - I don't think I can make them into best friends, but respect is possible! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review - and for making me start wondering what it would be like if Connie and Rita turned out to be long-lost sisters! I think the Freechamp fans would hate it. I'm glad you liked the ending of Chapter 9.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm afraid it would take more than a bomb threat to make Connie and Rita start being nice to each other! But they're stuck with each other now so you never know what might happen. Thank you for your review.

 **LittleBritishPerson** , thank you so much for pointing that out - I hadn't really thought of that, but it's a really good idea and I think I might use it. Thank you for your review.

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're enjoying it.

* * *

Lofty crouched in front of Dylan, his hands on his shoulders. "It's okay. Just take your time."

"I don't… I don't know…"

"Don't worry about that," said Lofty. He could do all the worrying for both of them and he was very worried that Dylan was refusing to leave Resus. Everything had seemed quite promising for a while: Dylan had let Lofty help him up, but then something had frightened him. Lofty still wasn't sure what, but the result was that Dylan was sitting down again, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head in his hands.

Lofty knew Dylan had mental health problems. The whole hospital knew it now. It didn't bother Lofty: Dylan was still Dylan and Lofty liked him, despite his attitude. Of course, Lofty liked most people, but he didn't think Dylan was as bad as some people – specifically Robyn – thought.

But the difficulty was that Lofty didn't know what to do, and considering they'd all been asked to evacuate the building, they were probably in danger, which meant Lofty might have only a limited amount of time in which to help Dylan.

He listened to Dylan's shallow breathing and tightened his hands on his shoulders. "Dylan, it's going to be okay. I know it's a bit scary, but I'm sure we can handle it. I just need you to try to breathe more slowly. Can you do that for me?"

"Why don't you think I'm a freak?" said Dylan. His voice was tight with fear, but there was genuine curiosity as well.

"Because you're not one," said Lofty. "You are unique, but that's a good thing. It would be boring if we were all the same. I wish I was unique. I think I'm quite boring, to be honest."

Dylan lifted his head. His eyes were wide and staring, but his voice, when he spoke, was almost angry. "You are not boring, Ben. I mean Lofty."

Lofty smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot. And I don't mind if you call me Ben. No-one else does and it is my name."

"Why are you called Lofty?" asked Dylan. Again, he sounded like he really wanted to know. "I thought it was nickname for a tall person. It would be a better nickname for Dr Knight."

"I'm called Lofty because I used to live in Robyn's loft," explained Lofty.

Dylan considered this for a moment. "No-one ever calls me Boaty."

"I don't think they'd dare!" said Lofty. "Everyone has a lot of respect for you, you know, Dylan. You're a really great doctor. I'm just a stupid, clumsy nurse."

"You're not stupid or clumsy," said Dylan. "You have more than reasonable intelligence and there are many people more clumsy than you. You broke my mug, but I don't think I've ever seen you break a patient."

"First time for everything," said Lofty jokingly. He looked for an answering smile on Dylan's face, but he just looked blank. "I am sorry about your mug. And about what I said. I really didn't mean it."

"I know," said Dylan. "I was just… disappointed. I know the others talk about me. I know I'm a freak."

"No, you're not!" said Lofty.

"But I really hoped you didn't talk about me," said Dylan, without looking at Lofty.

Lofty felt terrible, but his voice was firm. "I don't usually. Not like that. I'm really sorry, Dylan."

There was a pause. "I'm sorry for calling you incompetent and refusing to work with you," said Dylan.

Lofty looked at Dylan and smiled. "It's okay. You're not the first person to say that and you won't be the last. I'm just glad we're mates now." He looked hopefully at Dylan. "We… we are mates, aren't we?"

For a moment, he thought Dylan might say no. Or perhaps say nothing at all. But then he nodded, just slightly. "Yes. I'd like that, Ben."

* * *

The hospital was surrounded, but Cal wasn't going to let that stop him. His little brother needed him. If he was in any sort of trouble, Cal either wanted to get him out of it or face the trouble alongside him. That was what Ethan had always done for him and it was high time he did the same for Ethan.

He did feel a fleeting sadness as he thought of Taylor. He believed she really had been frightened, but he could see now what he'd been too much in love to see before. She didn't care about him. She just found him useful and would say anything to make him give her what she wanted.

It didn't matter that she was still beautiful. It didn't matter that his feelings had all come flooding back. She didn't love him; she probably didn't even like him – and for that reason, he had to let her go.

Cal wiped away a tear but blinked the rest back resolutely. Taylor was his past. Ethan was his future and Cal had to make sure he still had one.

Cal stopped near the staff room. He couldn't be completely sure from this distance, but it looked like the window was still open. He'd leaned out of that window to have a cigarette when Lofty had been comforting him earlier, and afterwards, he'd left the window slightly open. Not enough for anyone to be likely to notice, but hopefully enough to get ridof any lingering smell.

He walked confidently towards it, knowing he would be less likely to attract attention if he walked as though he knew what he was doing. As he pulled the window open to its fullest extent, he heard a shout, but he told himself not to panic and climbed quickly through the window, shutting it behind him.

The staff room was empty. He left it and checked every room along the way. Resus seemed like a possibility: Ethan might have remained with a patient, but the only people in there were Dylan and Lofty. They were sitting with their back to the door, their heads close together as they conversed in low voices. Cal couldn't help feeling he shouldn't interrupt, but he knew he had to take any opportunity he could to find a clue to Ethan's wherabouts. "Hey, guys: have you seen Ethan?"

"No: sorry," said Lofty. Dylan didn't answer, but Cal saw he was shaking his head.

He left Resus and went to check the cubicles. It was only when he was halfway through that it occurred to him to wonder why Lofty and Dylan were sitting on the floor in Resus.

* * *

Charlie had told Jacob and Robyn he was all right. He had told everyone who'd asked that he was all right, but he was struggling when it came to convincing himself.

Actually, if he was honest, he was just struggling.

He didn't want to worry any of them, but he knew this feeling too well. He knew what was coming and that meant he was going to worry them whether he warned them or not.

There was tightness in his chest and a pain that travelled down his left arm. His breathing was shallow, though he was doing his best to breathe quietly so nobody would know. He felt lightheaded, despite Jacob's insistence that he lie down, and when he touched the back of his hand to his forehead, he felt beads of sweat.

"Charlie? Hey, Charlie, are you okay?"

He should have known Jacob would notice. He was busy comforting Robyn, who was understandably upset because Max had gone back into the hospital (Charlie had an idea it was something to do with Zoe: Max wouldn't commit such a foolhardy but caring act for anyone else), but Jacob was a good nurse. He was able to keep an eye on three or four things at once.

Charlie tried to smile at him. The pain was getting worse now. He knew that he'd been lucky to survive before, and then he'd been in the safety of the ED. Now, out in the car park, at his age, with his history of heart problems, he knew he could be seeing Jacob for the last time. This saddened him slightly, but at the same time, he felt he was lucky to have got this far.

His biggest regret was not saying a proper goodbye to Louis.

"Oh my God!" said Robyn. "I'll get Mrs Beauchamp. No, I can't get Mrs Beauchamp. Jacob, what are we going to do? Should I get Lily?"

"No," said Charlie softly. He tried to reach out his hand towards her. "Don't be sad, Robyn. I've had a good life and you will too. There are other, younger people here. Help them."

The speech was, he felt, necessary; but it left him exhausted and in pain.

He closed his eyes. The ED would carry on without him.

But Louis… he wished he and Louis could have parted as friends.


	11. Chapter 11

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry for worrying you, but this is Casualty so I thought at least one of them should have some kind of brush with death!

 **chloeshdw** , thank you so much! I'm really happy you're enjoying the fanfic and I hope you'll continue to enjoy it. Thank you for your review.

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , I wanted to put Honey and Ethan into the last chapter, but that would have made it too long. That's the problem with having so many storylines! They are in this one though. Thank you for your review.

 **EDSidekick** , thank you for your review. It's always so lovely when someone can imagine the characters saying the lines I've written for them. I hope you continue to enjoy it!

 **beckyboogle** , you'll have to wait and see if I'm brave enough to kill Charlie off! There's a chance it might result in all of you killing me off! Thank you so much for your review - it really is wonderful that you find it captivating and real.

 **CBloom2** , I'm sorry I can't bring Charlie back in this chapter, though there is a slight development in his storyline, but I know that killing Charlie off would be a very big step for which I might never be forgiven. Thank you for your review!

 **Tanith Panic** , I know where I'd like to take this story, but it's possible I will be influenced by the series - I don't know anything about tonight's episode and very little about the future. I can't tell you about Charlie either, but I would definitely worry in your position! I'm happy you liked Ben and Dylan's scene. Thank you for your review.

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review. Yes, it is all Connie's own fault! I'm not sure I'd dare tell her that to her face, though!

 **ETWentHome** , I'm happy you like Ben and Dylan's friendship. Cal probably will realise soon that Ethan isn't in the ED. I don't know why he doesn't just phone him, but that would completely ruin my plot! Okay, I won't tell you Charlie dies... Thank you for your review!

* * *

The bed was shaking. Zoe wasn't particularly surprised: the bed usually did shake when she was with Max. She could also hear Max saying her name, which was also completely what she would have expected, but there was something odd about it. It was quieter than she would have expected and he sounded more frightened than ecstatic.

Then Zoe opened her eyes and discovered she wasn't in bed with Max at all.

She was sitting on the chair in her office. Max was shaking her shoulders and it looked like he was screaming her name, but they were surprisingly quiet screams.

Max reached forward and made a grabbed at her head. Zoe jerked away without thinking about it, but Max had got hold of something (along with a handful of her hair), and yanked it from her head.

"Hey! That's my hair!" said Zoe. Then she looked at what he had in his hands.

Max was holding Dylan's noise-reducing earphones. Zoe blinked at them and then she remembered. Not just the fact that Dylan had lent them to her but the fact that she'd cheated on Max and the last time she'd seen him, he'd refused to speak to her.

So what was he doing here?

"Zoe, we've got to get out of here!" said Max. "The alarm went off and we had to evacuate the building. They're talking about a bomb. We've got to get out of here now!"

Zoe didn't move. She was too busy staring at Max in amazement.

"Zoe!" said Max. He grasped her hands and tried to drag her to her feet.

"You came to rescue me," said Zoe. "You were worried about me and you risked your life to save mine, even though I…"

Her voice trailed away.

She couldn't have said more even if she'd wanted to because Max's lips were firmly on hers.

* * *

Honey sank down onto a chair, her hands over her face. "Oh, Ethan…"

Ethan spoke, his voice stunned. "Oh gosh, did I really just hit him?"

"Yes, you did," said Honey. "And it was brilliant and heroic and sexy and so amazing, but I don't know what I'm going to do!"

She felt Ethan's arm going around her. "We're going to report him to the police, Honey. We should probably report me to the police at the same time, but you'll be fine. He was attacking you. Threatening you." Ethan's voice shook slightly. "He deserved to be hit, but now we need to leave before he wakes up."

His arm was warm and protective. Honey leaned into him. His heart was beating very fast and he was trembling. "I love you, Ethan. I love what you did for me. But you've ruined everything." She began to cry.

"Honey, I'm sorry." Ethan held her closer to him. "I'm so sorry I… wait a minute: how did I ruin everything? And why did he have a key to your dad's flat?"

Honey's only answer was sobs. It was all so complicated. And if Ethan had ruined her life, why did she love him so much?

"Come on. We need to get you out of here before he wakes up," said Ethan. "Do you think you can stand up?"

Honey tried to stand, but her knees wobbled. Ethan caught her and picked her up in his arms. He carried her out to his car. "There you are, Honey." He helped her inside and then went around to the driver's side. "Okay. Can you tell me what happened?"

"He's got pictures and videos of me," wept Honey. "Working. In the club. He said if I didn't leave you and go back to Manchester with him, he'd show them to my dad and my gran. I couldn't let him do that! My dad was so upset when I set him and Big Mac up with those prostitutes at the wedding. If he knew that I wasn't much better than a prostitute myself… I didn't want to lose him, Ethan. And my gran: she's much better now, but if she knew I was involved with something like this… I didn't want to leave you, Ethan, but these people are my family and I wasn't sure if we had a future…"

She looked up at Ethan. He looked close to tears, but not angry. The arms he wrapped around her were gentle. "Of course you couldn't let him do that to your family. But you didn't have to go along with it, Honey. Why didn't you tell the police?"

"He said they wouldn't do anything," Honey sobbed into his chest. "It's not illegal to show someone your pictures and videos, even if photography and videos isn't allowed in the club. I didn't know what to do, Ethan. I just went along with whatever he wanted. I got him a key to the flat and told him when my dad wasn't going to be around. I did everything he asked me to do. And it was horrible, Ethan. So horrible!"

* * *

Lily looked around in satisfaction at the more controlled conditions in the car park. It was actually a lot more controlled than the ED, though she imagined fear played a part in that. While fear could make you panic, it could also make you too scared to do anything except what you were told.

The ED staff had responded very well to her instructions. Although even more depleted than Lily had imagined, they had worked hard to restore order and ensure that everyone was examined and treated. She could ask for medical assistance from the main part of the hospital if necessary and had considered requesting the assistance of Charge Nurse Adrian Fletcher, who had previously worked in the ED, but as the bomb was in the main part of the hospital, she imagined all the medical staff were very busy with their own patients.

Being in charge still worried her. Cal had been the latest member of the ED staff to disappear and the police had told her that someone dressed in scrubs had entered the building via a window. This meant Lily really was the only ED doctor – even an upset Cal was better than no Cal at all.

The situation was not only frightening but confusing. She could understand why Cal had run into the building: Cal was always impulsive and had been very emotional even before he'd realised Ethan was missing. She also knew that Dylan had problems, and much as she respected him, Lily knew that she couldn't always expect him to behave in a professional manner. But it seemed odd to her that Connie, Zoe and Ethan hadn't left the ED. The police had assumed they were being held hostage, but as the bomb was in the main part of the hospital, Lily couldn't understand how they'd become involved.

She also now knew that two of their nurses were missing too. Rita was still in the building, along with Lofty. Louise had reported that the absence of both Lofty and Max had rendered Robyn pretty much useless – and Charlie of course was, for all practical purposes, a patient.

But, as Louise had said, this was Lily's chance. Her opportunity to prove that she had the ability to be a clinical lead one day. She was not going to let her patients and colleagues down. No matter how difficult, impossible and frightening it all seemed.

"Lily!" Louise caught her elbow.

Lily turned to her in annoyance: she did not like to be touched unnecessarily. She particularly disliked being grabbed unexpectedly. But then she saw the expression on Louise's face. "What is it?"

"It's Charlie," said Louise breathlessly. "He's having another heart attack. You've got to come now."


	12. Chapter 12

**beckyboogle** , aw thank you so much! I would most definitely be surprised if that happened. I would think someone was playing a joke on me. I'm so pleased you're enjoying this story. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. Charlie is in this chapter too, but whether he'll be around for the next one, I can't tell you...

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I just had to get Zax back together, but they won't be together for long if they get blown up! No, Charlie isn't dead quite yet...

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , I'm so happy you enjoyed the latest update - thank you for your review. There's more Lily, Ethan and Honey in this chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , Ethan was protecting his girlfriend so I'm glad you're letting him off just this once! I think Lily probably forgave Louise in the circumstances. I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait and see about Charlie! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Cal charged up the stairs and stopped short when he saw Connie and Rita. Connie was sitting on the stairs, looking pale but rather cross. Rita had only slightly more colour in her cheeks than Connie and was clinging to the banister as though she needed it to hold her upright. "Are you two okay?"

"Cal, what are you doing in here?" said Connie. "Go outside now, please."

Cal hesitated for a moment, aware that neither of the women looked well. "Are you two okay? Do you need help? I can't leave till I find Ethan, but if there's anything I can do..."

"Ethan?" said Rita, surprised. "Isn't he outside?"

"No, he's not," said Cal. "I don't know where he is. I'm so scared something's happened to him."

"You really must be scared if you're admitting to it," said Connie, quite gently.

Cal nodded. "Yeah, I am. I just turned my back on the only girl I ever loved because Ethan is more important. There's no way he'd stay inside unless something or someone was stopping him. I've got to find him."

"Of course you have," said Rita gently. "Go on, Cal. We'll be fine."

Connie glared at her. "Excuse me, Rita. Dr Knight is a member of _my_ department and I decide where he does and does not go."

Rita's voice was faint but vicious. "Fine. But if you even think about keeping Cal away from his brother just because I said he should go..."

"Oh, give me credit for a bit of human decency!" said Connie.

"Okay," said Rita. "I'll try anything once."

Cal closed his eyes for a moment. These women bickered more than him and Ethan, and that was saying something.

"Dr Knight," said Connie. "You may go and look for your brother, but please be careful. If he's in danger, leave straight away and report what you know to the police."

"Thank you," said Cal. He would have gone whatever Connie had said, but his life was always easier when he did as she told him. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you? Rita? Okay. I'll see you later."

He hurried past them and went on up the stairs. He wished he'd thought of collecting his phone from the staff room, but he hadn't. The only thing in his mind had been Ethan. He reached the top of the stairs and began his search, pushing open all the doors that were unlocked and looking under all the desks, as well as opening any cupboard that looked large enough to contain Ethan.

"Ethan!" he shouted as he searched; then the idea came into his head that Ethan could be in more danger if anyone knew Cal was looking for him. He stopped searching and looked as quietly as he could, but it was difficult. His breathing was shallow and unsteady and he felt as though it was loud enough for Dylan and Lofty to hear him in Resus.

He reached Zoe's office door and pushed it open. When he saw Zoe and Max kissing passionately, he couldn't help but feel happy for them: he didn't know exactly what had gone wrong between them, but they'd always seemed perfect as a couple.

Then he remembered Ethan.

"Sorry to interrupt," he said, "but have you seen Ethan? And you really shouldn't be here. The building's been evacuated."

"No, no idea where Ethan is," said Zoe. "Sorry." She started kissing Max again.

Cal was tempted to grab them both by the hair and shake them until they understood the potential danger they were in, but they were both adults. If they wanted to stay here and take the risk of getting blown up or burned to death or whatever the problem was, it was no concern of Cal's.

The only concern of Cal's was Ethan.

* * *

Louise stood beside Robyn and Jacob as Lily examined Charlie. Robyn was still crying, but nobody was paying attention to her now. Lily spoke quietly to Jacob, asking a few questions, and then nodded.

"I'll get Mrs-" began Lily, and stopped. "No. There's only me. I have to do this."

"And I'm sure you can," said Jacob reassuringly. "Pretend he's just another patient, Lily. Pretend he's not Charlie."

"But he is," said Lily in anguish.

Louise saw her wavering; saw the panic returning. She could understand it because she felt it herself and she didn't have nearly as much responsibility as Lily. She took a step towards the doctor. "You can do this, Lily, okay? I know you can."

"I can't deal with this," said Lily.

Louise gripped her arm. "No, Lily: you _can_."

"No, I mean I don't have the specialist equipment to deal with this," said Lily. "We can't even run an ECG. Charlie needs to go to St James' and he needs to go now. Help me with the trolley, please. You too, Robyn."

They wheeled the trolley through the crowds. Lily's system of getting everyone to stand in lines made this much easier. Fortunately, there was an ambulance standing ready and Lily told Louise to go ahead and warn Dixie and Iain there was another patient on the way.

Lily and the others arrived before Louise had finished explaining. "Jacob, stay and help, please," said Lily. "Louise, help Robyn to calm down, then I need both of you to get back to work."

* * *

Ethan and Honey sat in the police station. A police car had been sent to the flat to arrest Honey's boyfriend, but no-one had come to speak to Ethan and Honey yet. Ethan still wasn't sure if he was seen as being there to support Honey or if he was going to be arrested too in a minute. He'd encouraged Honey to phone Noel so she'd have someone else with her if Ethan was taken away to a cell, but so far she'd refused. "I can't tell him, Ethan. I can't tell him what I did. How can I tell him I provided a guy I hardly know with a key to the flat?"

Ethan had to admit he had no answer to that.

He saw a policeman coming towards them, but he didn't get his hopes up this time. Numerous police officers had walked right past Ethan and Honey in the time they'd been here, brushing off or even ignoring Ethan's anxious questions about when they were likely to be seen.

But this time, the policeman stopped. "Miss Wright?"

"Yes, that's me," said Honey. "This is Dr Hardy."

"Miss Wright, we've picked up your boyfriend from your flat and we're holding him in a cell. He's being questioned now."

"Is he all right?" said Ethan anxiously. "I hope I didn't hit him too hard. If he needs medical attention, I'm happy to help."

The policeman shook his head. "That's okay, Dr Hardy. It's nothing we can't handle. He has a small cut on his head, but there's nothing to suggest a more serious injury. We're monitoring him, of course."

"Of course," nodded Ethan. "But if there's anything I can do..."

"We'll let you know, doctor. Thank you." The policeman paused. "I also have to apologise for keeping you waiting so long – and I'm afraid you'll have to wait even longer. Unfortunately, there's a major incident at Holby City Hospital so we're very busy."

Ethan gripped Honey's arm for support. "Holby City Hospital?" he whispered. He cleared his throat. "What happened?"

"I'm afraid we can't really talk about it at present, Dr…" The policeman stopped. "Is that where you work, Dr Hardy?"

Ethan nodded faintly and hugged Honey tightly as she started to cry. "And my brother. And Honey's dad. Honey works there too. We're all in the Emergency Department. Please, can't you tell us anything at all? My brother's called Dr Caleb Knight and Honey's father is Noel Garcia."

The policeman sat down beside them. "I'm afraid we don't have any details of specific members of staff, Dr Hardy. The incident is centred around the main part of the hospital, rather than the emergency department, but the whole hospital has been evacuated."

"Did everyone get out safely?" asked Ethan.

The policeman looked sympathetic. "I'm afraid I can't even tell you that. I'm very sorry. If you'd like to try contacting them, there's nothing to stop you, though they won't necessarily have their phones with them, of course. If any information becomes available which I'm permitted to share, I'll come and let you know."

"Thank you," said Ethan, his voice faint, and got his phone out of his pocket. Beside him, Honey did the same. "Thank you very much for letting us know."


	13. Chapter 13

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. Yes, Cal is looking for Ethan. Ethan doesn't know that yet, but he will want to find out if Cal is all right. Perhaps in this very chapter...

 **CBloom2** , thank you so much! It means a lot that you're enjoying it. Yes, there's a good chance at least one of the brothers will end up not feeling very happy... but what else did you expect? Thank you for your review.

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're finding it intense - that's what I was hoping for! There's more Ethan in this chapter and an update on Charlie tomorrow.

 **ETWentHome** , they haven't been in the ED for quite as long as it seems as everything is happening at once, but they still need to get out of there! Dylan I can forgive because of his problems, but Zoe and Max need to control their hormones! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , Zoe isn't very good at controlling her desires and Max is just glad to be kissing her again! But if they want their marriage to work, staying alive would be a good plan. Thank you for your review - I'm really pleased you're enjoying it.

* * *

Robyn knew there were people who needed her. There were patients who need treatment and monitoring; there were patients who needed reassurance. All of which Robyn could usually give, and enjoyed giving.

But now, she couldn't. She kept seeing Max running into the building. A heavy weight had settled on her heart as she realised she might never see him again. Lofty was in there too: her best friend might never come out of there alive. Rita, who was such a good friend as well as a great boss. Cal, with whom she had shared so many drunken evenings. Ethan, who wasn't quite one of the crowd but was a great doctor and such a kind man. Connie, who regularly frightened the life out of Robyn, but was always so poised; so elegant; always knowing exactly what to do.

Even Dylan and Zoe, whom she'd thought she'd never forgive for their treatment of Lofty and Max… Robyn would have given anything to see them standing out in the car park with them, one calling her best friend incompetent while the other treated her brother like dirt. Robyn might not like them very much at the moment, but she'd never wanted them to be anything other than alive.

"Robyn!" Louise's voice was sharp. "Can you just stop crying? I know Max is your brother and Lofty is your mate, but this is ridiculous. You're a nurse!"

"But I'm also a human being," sobbed Robyn. She didn't care what she said now, not when the pain and unhappiness inside her were so strong. "Maybe you should try it sometime."

* * *

"Well, it makes perfect sense to me," said Lofty.

Dylan looked at him, his eyes narrowing as he examined Lofty's face for signs he was lying. He'd always thought that lying was something Lofty didn't do particularly well, but he was doing an exceptionally good job of it on this occasion.

"When something bad happens, it's natural to worry about it happening again," said Lofty. "Especially when it means patients suffering. And when bad things keep happening, then you want to stop it from happening so you try to find ways of stopping it. Like making a list to make sure you don't forget anything. And as well as doing that, you look for a common… what's the word? Like in maths. The little number under the line in fractions."

"The common denominator," said Dylan.

Lofty flashed him a grateful smile. "Yeah, that's it. You look for the common denominator. You can't always find one and sometimes there isn't one, but if there is something that's there all the time, then you're always going to wonder if that's got something to do with it. Even if it's just a number."

Dylan was amazed to hear such clear and logical reasoning from Lofty. "But how do I stop it? How do I stop being scared? How can I do my job again?"

Lofty sighed and gave Dylan a rueful smile. "I think you're asking the wrong Ben. But I'll think about it, Dylan. See if I can come up with something. If one of my mates isn't happy, I always want to help."

* * *

Ethan left a message on Cal's phone, asking him to call as soon as he got the message, and turned his attention to Honey, who'd succeeded in getting hold of Noel. He'd known as soon as he'd seen the expression of relief cross her face.

"But you're all right?" said Honey. "You're really all right?" Again, that look of relief. "Oh my God, I'm so glad you're okay. I was so worried."

Ethan heard her voice tremble and he took her free hand in his.

Then Honey went still. "What? What is it? Dad, you're scaring me."

Ethan let go of her hand and put his arm around her instead. He hoped she couldn't tell that he was shaking. He knew; he just knew that what Noel had to say was in some way related to Cal.

"No, he isn't!" exclaimed Honey, so loudly that the man on the desk looked up. "He's right here with me."

And then it hit Ethan.

It hit him so hard, he could barely breathe.

He'd left his shift without telling anyone and there had been a major incident. The hospital had been evacuated. Anyone who wasn't in the car park would be considered to be still inside the building.

Ethan closed his eyes as the room spun. What had he done? All those times he'd berated Cal for leaving the hospital in the middle of a shift to see a girl…

At least Cal had always told him he was going. Ethan had told no-one.

"Cal did what?" Honey's voice was little more than a whisper.

Before he knew what he was going to do, Ethan snatched the phone from his girlfriend. "Noel, what happened? Where's Cal?"

"He's gone into the ED to look for you, Ethan."

* * *

Rita could barely see, the room was spinning so badly, but she didn't let go of the banister. She told herself the feeling would pass in a minute. Obviously, she'd hurt her head more seriously than she'd thought, but that meant she needed treatment and her best chance of receiving it was to get out of the ED.

"Rita! Sit down!" said Connie sharply.

Rita ignored her and felt for the step below her, but she lost her balance and collapsed. A feeling of shock went through her body as she sank down onto the stairs and her headache increased in intensity.

"Rita!" Connie's hand landed on her shoulder. "Rita, can you hear me?"

"Of course I can hear you! I'm injured, not deaf," snapped Rita.

"Oh, so you are finally admitting you've hurt yourself?" said Connie. "We must be grateful for small mercies at least." She took Rita's chin in her hands, forcing her head around, and peered into Rita's eyes.

"Don't touch me, please," said Rita as calmly as she could. She knew it wouldn't help if she lost her temper.

Connie glared at her. "Believe me, I would rather touch a rabid rattlesnake, but I need to look at your eyes. Your pupils aren't the same size. Do you feel sick at all, Rita?"

"No," said Rita untruthfully. "And I don't feel dizzy; my memory of events is far too perfect and there's nothing wrong with my level of response."

"On the contrary, your response leaves much to be desired," said Connie. She moved Rita's head again and peered into her nostrils.

Rita removed Connie's hand and then quickly let go of it. "I asked you not to touch me, Connie."

"And I'm asking you to be sensible, but we don't always get what we want," said Connie. She turned Rita's head and peered into one ear, then the other.

This caused the room to spin alarmingly and Rita reached out blindly, grabbing at something which turned out to be one of Connie's breasts.

"I could get you fired for sexual assault," said Connie grimly, "but fortunately for you, I've never experienced anything less sexual in my life."

Rita squinted her and then turned her head away. "Oh God, as if one of you isn't more than enough."

"What are you drivelling about now?" said Connie, but almost immediately, she gripped Rita's arm. "Do you have double vision?"

"I didn't say that," said Rita.

"I think you'll find you did," said Connie. "I'm going to fetch help."

"How are you going to do that?" said Rita. "By walking on your hands? That really would create a sensation if you walked out on your hands with your skirt over your head, but you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Connie glared at her and jumped to her feet. She cried out in pain as her weight went onto her injured ankle and she half-fell into a sitting position, clutching her ankle and almost crying.

Rita edged closer to her. She didn't know which of the Connies she could see was real, but one of them needed her help. She'd helped objectionable patients before and there was no reason not to do the same now.

If only her head would stop spinning.


	14. Chapter 14

**CBloom2** , yes, Ethan will be going to save Cal now! No shortage of brotherly love in my stories. Cal probably won't be very happy with his little brother, but I'm sure he'll get over it. As long as he survives... thank you for your review.

 **Becs2202** , he does know where Cal is and he's probably not going to be very happy about it! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , so if you want Cal, Connie, Rita, Lofty, Dylan and Max to get out safely, does that mean Zoe should stay in there? She has been behaving very badly... thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , Cal and Ethan very rarely have it easy in my stories! I'm really happy you like the rivalry between Connie and Rita - that was difficult to write. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm really glad you're still enjoying it. Even though it's a serious story, I can't resist putting in a bit of comedy sometimes. I love Dylan and Lofty together even when they're just friends!

* * *

Jacob watched Lily admiringly as she gave crisp instructions to Dixie and Iain. His affections currently belonged to Connie 'Sweet Cheeks' Beauchamp, but she seemed determined to appear uninterested and perhaps had rules about becoming involved with her colleagues. Lily might prove a more than acceptable alternative. She hadn't shown any interest in Jacob so far, but he wasn't about to be put off by small details like that.

Jacob helped Dixie and Iain to get Charlie into the back of the ambulance. "Maybe I should go with them," he said as Dixie closed the ambulance doors and made her way to the front of the ambulance.

Lily gave him a frosty look. "Did I ask you to go with them?"

"No," said Jacob. "But I don't always wait for suggestions."

"When I'm in charge, you wait," said Lily as the ambulance's engine started up. "And if I do tell you to do something, it is not a suggestion."

The engine failed. Jacob faintly heard Iain shouting something to Dixie, who tried to start the engine again, without success.

"I'll go and look at the engine," said Jacob, but Lily stopped him with a shapely and on his arm.

"No, Jacob. You are needed here."

Jacob grinned. "Well, if you need me, Dr Chao, how can I say no?"

He wasn't in the least fazed by the look Lily gave him.

Dixie got out of the ambulance and went to open the bonnet. The back doors of the ambulance opened and Iain started to get out, but a noise from Charlie's monitor stopped him. "His heart's stopped. I'll start compressions."

"Bring the trolley out here if you can do it without disconnecting him from the machines," directed Lily.

"We can do it in the ambulance," said Iain.

Lily's eyes narrowed. "Please do as I say."

"I can't see what's wrong with it," they heard Dixie say as she made her way towards the back of the ambulance. Immediately, she sensed trouble. "What's happened?"

"His heart's stopped. I've asked Iain to bring him out here," said Lily crisply.

Dixie looked slightly confused. "We can treat him in the ambulance, lovely. It's probably better not to move him."

"My name is Dr Chao, not 'lovely'!" snapped Lily.

Jacob shook his head reprovingly. He liked his fiery Dr Chao, but she had a lot still to learn.

"Sorry," said Dixie briefly, and went to help Iain.

Jacob touched Lily's arm again. "I know the ambulance seems quite small and cramped, but Dixie and Iain are used to working in those conditions. I'm sure it'll be fine to leave him in there."

"But you are not in charge, Jacob, are you?" said Lily. She watched as Jacob went to help Dixie and Iain pull the trolley out of the ambulance again. Lily bent over Charlie and checked his pulse. "Jacob, begin compressions, please."

* * *

He wasn't there. Cal had looked everywhere in the ED, but there was no sign of Ethan. Cal stood for a minute, wondering where he could be, but the answer was obvious.

Ethan must have gone into another part of the hospital. Perhaps he'd heard someone shouting for help or some sort of a struggle and he'd gone to help. That would be so like Ethan. He wouldn't have known how much danger he was in. He must have known there was something wrong because of the alarm, but he wouldn't have known there was a bomb.

Though even if he had, it might not have stopped him. Cal was the brother who was usually associated with daring rescues and the one who defied authority in order to do it, but Ethan would never abandon someone who needed help.

Cal pushed open the door leading to another part of the hospital and stepped into a deserted corridor.

The building was large, but he wasn't going to give up. He was going to search every inch of the hospital until he'd found Ethan.

* * *

Louise watched with something between despair and annoyance as Robyn continued to sob. Louise had asked her to stop crying so many times. She'd yelled at her; she'd almost begged her. Nothing had worked.

Nurses were supposed to be good at comforting people, but Robyn would not be comforted.

Louise wanted to believe it was Robyn's fault. Robyn was being stubborn and immature, refusing to listen to good advice; refusing to do the job she was paid to do.

But Louise knew that wasn't the problem. The problem was Louise. She could big someone up if she had to, even a doctor like Lily who didn't usually seem to be lacking in self-confidence. But she didn't know what to say to a nurse who was convinced she'd lost her brother and was falling apart.

"I wish they'd just do something!" wailed Robyn.

"Who?" said Louise.

"The police. The emergency people," wept Robyn. "Why are they just sitting outside?"

Louise felt impatient. How did Robyn expect her to have knowledge of the emergency protocol of the police force?

"I just want them to do something!" cried Robyn. "Max is in there; Lofty's in there; lots of people are in there and the only person who's done anything is Cal."

"They probably can't just go bursting in," said Louise. "If they frighten the guy with the bomb, he might set it off and kill everyone."

Robyn started to howl even louder.

Louise decided that mentioning the fact Max and Lofty could be killed probably hadn't been the best move.

She ran her hands through her hair in frustration. Why was she so useless? Why couldn't she just be a nurse? Robyn would know what to say if their positions were reversed. Rita would certainly know. Charlie would know best of all. Even that idiot Lofty (that was another thing she definitely shouldn't say to Robyn) would know. He understood people. It was like an instinct with him. He could just look at someone and see what they were feeling. Louise couldn't.

"I wish Lofty was here," sobbed Robyn. "I wish Max was here too. I wish everyone was. But if Lofty was here, he'd give me the biggest hug ever and make me feel like everything would be okay."

The biggest hug ever….

Well, that was one thing Louise hadn't tried and she was getting desperate now.

Louise tentatively reached forward. She put one hand on Robyn's shoulder and the other on her arm. Gently but firmly, she pulled Robyn into her arms.

She felt a jolt of surprise travel through Robyn's body. For a moment, she stood completely still in Louise's embrace and Louise was afraid, so genuinely terrified that Robyn would push her away. But then Robyn's arms came up and she hugged her tightly. Almost painfully, but Louise didn't mind.

She couldn't remember the last time someone had held her like that. As though she were somebody important. A lifeline, even.

As though she were needed or even… _liked_.

In a rush of gratitude, Louise pulled Robyn closer. She wasn't sure why she was so grateful that Robyn hadn't spurned her; cast her aside; rejected her clumsy attempt at comfort. But it didn't matter. She focused her attention on the girl in her arms. "We're not giving up on them, Robyn: okay? I might not know Max and Lofty as well as you, but I'm sure they're not giving up. And neither are we. So what we're going to do, Robyn, is we're going to stay here for a bit and have a hug because I bet even Mrs Beauchamp needs a hug sometimes, and then we're going to go back out there and help as many people as we can. And when Max and Lofty get out of there, which they will, we'll have seen to all our patients, which means we'll have time and energy to spare for Max and Lofty. Because once they get out of there, I think they're going to need a few hugs too. Okay, Robyn?"

Robyn lifted a surprised face from Louise's shoulder. "Okay, Louise."

Louise patted her on the shoulder. It felt a bit awkward, but she was sure Robyn would understand her intentions. "You can do this," she said softly. "I know you can."


	15. Chapter 15

**ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like Louise helping Robyn - it's sad to see them not getting on in the series when Robyn is usually so kind and easygoing. You're right about Lily - she can be a little bit too focused on doing her job at times - there's actually more about that in this chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , I do apologise for Louise's inner thoughts! And for not warning you about them. I'm sure you know I don't agree with her. I was worried about writing that, but I thought that was exactly the kind of stupid thing Louise would think. I think she would judge people without getting to know them properly and would label someone as stupid just because she saw them drop something once. But she is starting to realise that her judgements weren't correct and I think that's the most we can hope for at this stage. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're still enjoying it despite that idiot Louise!

* * *

Honey gazed at Ethan as they drove towards the hospital. "I can't believe that you just walked out of the police station when they wanted to speak to you!"

"How could I stay?" said Ethan. He punched the steering wheel. "How could I stay when Cal's in danger and it's all my fault?"

"It's not your fault." Honey reached out and touched Ethan's arm. "He's the one who chose to disobey rules and go charging in there like a rhinoceros! And you couldn't have known there was going to be some big emergency."

"I suppose not," said Ethan, but he still didn't look happy.

Honey squeezed his arm. "Seriously, do you have any idea how amazing you are? Running out of work to rescue me and then running from the police to rescue Cal? And you save lives all the time in the hospital too. You're a hero, Ethan. And that's the hottest thing ever."

Ethan looked as though being hot was the last thing on his mind right now, but he did smile.

"I'm proper proud of you," said Honey. "I was actually wondering if this was working; if you were maybe a bit too… a bit calm for me, but you've totally changed my mind now! My own superhero!" An idea came to her and she squealed in excitement. "Oh my God, Ethan, do you think there might be, like, fire engines?"

"If there's a fire, there probably will be," said Ethan. He bit his lip and clenched his hands around the steering wheel.

Honey squeezed his arm again. "Don't worry, Ethan. You can get Cal out safely. You're a superhero, remember? I was just thinking you'd already run away from the hospital and the police: if you run away from some firemen too, you'll have done the complete emergency services, won't you? And all in one day!"

"Apart from the coastguard," said Ethan.

Honey leaned closer to him. "Well, if you wanted, we could head down to the coast later…"

"That does sound lovely," said Ethan. "But I'll have to see how Cal is."

"Of course you do," said Honey. She held more tightly to Ethan's arm and put her other hand on his knee. "He'll be okay, Ethan. I know he will. He's got his superhero brother looking out for him, hasn't he?" She kissed him on the cheek. "And every superhero has a ditzy sidekick, don't they? We can be like Superdoctor and Honeygirl! You save lives and I give people magic tea and read their auras."

"You're not ditzy," said Ethan. "Honey…" His voice shook slightly. "I'm so glad you're here. When I thought you'd left me, it was one of the worst feelings I've ever experienced. You've made me so happy in more ways than I knew it was possible to be happy. You're the reason I'm able to knock out bullies, evade arrest and go into possibly-burning buildings to save my brother. I couldn't do any of this without you and I'm just so happy you're still in my life." He let go of the steering wheel and put his hand over one of hers. "I love you, Honey."

Honey's heart soared. She'd been beginning to believe that Ethan was never going to say the words, which had put her in a difficult position because there was no way she was going to say it first. "Isn't this just typical of you? You would _finally_ tell me you love me when we're driving at sixty miles an hour - which is over the speed limit, by the way - and I can't even kiss you!"

"Sorry. I think I'm better at breaking the law than I am at romance," said Ethan. "But I'll try to improve."

Honey smiled and rested her head upon his shoulder. Good-looking, good job and a good old-fashioned superhero too (with the emphasis on old-fashioned). Could this man get any more perfect? "I love you too, Super-Ethan."

* * *

Connie couldn't speak: the pain was too bad. All she could do was sit very still and concentrate on not throwing up. She was absolutely, one hundred percent not going to throw up in front of Rita Freeman.

"Connie, just breathe," said Rita.

"You seriously think I'd stop breathing?" Connie said between gasps for breath. "Believe me... the last thing... I want to do... is make your day."

She felt Rita's hand on her arm. "Just keep still and the pain will go off in a minute."

"Oh, _thank you_ , Rita," said Connie. "Where would I be without your superior medical knowledge?" The pain was receding now. Connie knew it would be too bit much for a lot of people, but she could deal with it. "Okay. Let's keep going." She saw Rita reach for the banister. "Don't you even think about standing up again!"

"And don't _you_ even think about telling me what to do!" said Rita.

"I'm _not_ thinking about it," said Connie sweetly. "It comes very naturally without thought, believe me. You have a head injury, Rita, and if you try walking, you're likely to collapse and fall downstairs and kill yourself. Naturally, from a personal perspective, I wouldn't care that much, but as a doctor, my job is to save lives. I think the only way of ensuring that we both get out of her alive is to – firstly - go down on our bottoms, as I'm doing now, and secondly, refrain from killing one another."

Rita was probably trying to glare, but it didn't have quite the same effect with mismatched pupils. "You never did like making things easy, did you, Connie?"

"Oh, I'm more than happy to make things easy if that's what you need," said Connie.

Rita held up her hand. "No. I understand your suggestion perfectly, and as it happens, I'm not in complete disagreement. So, let's do this."

"If we can both stay alive that long," said Connie.

"You'd better watch what you say to me then, hadn't you?"

"Likewise," said Connie.

* * *

Lily watched tensely as Jacob continued compressions. She wanted so badly to believe this wasn't happening. It had been bad enough in Resus when Connie was there and would have taken over if necessary, but now Lily was on her own.

She wanted so much to be a success. To make people proud. She was beginning to believe that her parents wouldn't be proud of her even if she became the best doctor in the world, so now she was working to make Mrs Beauchamp proud: to be the doctor Connie obviously believed she could be.

But now, Connie wasn't here. Nobody was here, and the person lying on the trolley wasn't a stranger. It was Charlie. And Lily knew that every single person who worked in the hospital would be desperate for her to save him.

Lily squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to care. She'd tried not to make friends with anybody. She was there to further her career and continue with her life plan. Her only personal interest had been in Ethan, until he'd chosen that shop-girl over her.

But she did care. She didn't want to lose any of them. She'd been hurt not to be invited to Zoe's hen party; secretly devastated when the bus had driven off without her; but by far the worst feeling was the thought that she might never see any of them again. Ethan, with his sweet smiles and incomprehensible jokes and the kindness Lily hadn't been able to cultivate in herself. Cal, with his outward strength and determination which, Lily had learned over time, concealed deep emotions a very caring heart. Connie, with her high standards, devastating intelligence and the ability to keep control no matter what.

And Charlie: the man who lay before her, his heart not beating. A man with so much wisdom, kindness and gentle humour, even Connie had to listen to him.

"Pulse check," said Lily as Jacob stopped compressions.

Jacob shook his head. "Nothing."

"Then we'd better… we'd better shock him," faltered Lily. Dixie and Iain had already brought out the AED. She watched, unable to move, as Jacob quickly attached the pads.

"Dr Chao, shall I charge up the machine?" said Dixie.

"I'll do it." Lily knelt down on the gravel and pressed the button to charge the machine. "Shocking." Her voice was more confident this time. She wasn't feeling confident, but she knew she mustn't let the others know. They were relying on her. They needed her to save Charlie, or at least do enough for him to get to St James's. There was another ambulance on the way, but Lily had no way of knowing how long it would be.

Charlie's body jumped in response to the shock. Lily's gaze moved sharply to Jacob; he checked for a pulse and shook his head.

 _Just another patient_ , Lily told herself as she took over compressions.

But it wasn't. It was Charlie.

It was the one job at which she couldn't fail.


	16. Chapter 16

**Tanith Panic** , I hate the way Lily is treated by the others sometimes. She does upset them, but I'm sure it's an accident. I'm afraid I can't tell you about Charlie - for one thing, I haven't finished writing it! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for both your reviews. Yes, it is entirely possible that someone will die! I think I'd choose Zoe too at the moment, but it would have more dramatic impact to choose someone else... I'm happy you're still enjoying it.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your kind words about Lily - she is a very interesting character but not easy to write. After Cal risked his life to save Ethan, I thought Ethan should try to return the favour! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Ethan was quite tempted to roar into the car park and screech to a halt outside the doors of the ED - he had a feeling Honey would like that - but he was concerned that making so dramatic and obvious an entrance might put Cal into more danger. Once he'd parked a short distance from the hospital, Ethan lost an argument with Honey about whether she should stay safely in the car (apparently, superheroes' sidekicks never waited in cars) and the two of them raced to the hospital to discover Lily giving compressions to a patient on a trolley.

"Jacob, what's happened?" said Ethan. "Is Cal still in the ED?"

"As far as we know, yes," said Jacob. "Sorry, Ethan. Glad you got out okay, mate."

Ethan nodded distractedly. He looked at the patient on the trolley and felt his heart lurch. "Oh God. Charlie."

"He had another heart attack," said Jacob. "His heart stopped in the ambulance, which has some kind of engine trouble. We're waiting for a replacement ambulance now."

Ethan wasn't sure what to do. All he wanted was to go and find Cal, but he didn't like to leave Charlie. It didn't seem fair for Lily to be the only doctor present. He wondered where the others were.

A muffled banging sound was heard from the direction of the ED.

"Oh my God…" said Honey.

The world swam.

For a moment, Ethan thought he was going to be swallowed up by darkness, but then the mist cleared and he began to run.

* * *

Robyn dried her eyes and looked up at Louise. "Okay. I'm okay. Well, I'm not okay. But I'm okay."

Louise patted her arm. "You're doing well, Robyn. Just do one patient and see how you go."

Robyn looked at her uncertainly, wondering if they ought to stay together as she was supposed to be mentoring Louise, but with so many hospital staff missing, they probably couldn't afford to. She looked towards the ED again. If anything happened to Max…

"Don't look," Louise advised her quite gently. "I know it's hard, but focus on your patient."

"Okay," said Robyn. "I can do this. I can do this. Louise, I don't think I can do this."

Then they heard it.

A sound Robyn had hoped never to hear again.

An explosion.

* * *

"Do you know what stopped you from leaving last time?" said Lofty.

Dylan couldn't quite get over how patient he was being. Of course, Lofty very seldom did get impatient: that was far more Dylan's forte. But it was such a new experience to be able to talk about his feelings to another person and to find they understood. Rita had accepted and Zoe had sympathised, but neither had _understood_.

Lofty, with his real gift for seeing how people felt inside, understood to a greater extent than Dylan could ever have believed possible.

"It was the number," said Dylan. "I stood up and the first thing I saw was Bay 4. That made me think I shouldn't leave."

"It might just have meant that was the a bad moment to leave," said Lofty. "If you try again now, it might be okay. We won't know unless we try."

Dylan thought, then nodded. There was no harm in doing that much and as there were patients who needed his help, he really did need to try. He accepted Lofty's extended hand and stood up.

Bay 2.

He turned to Lofty. "It's all right. I can leave now."

Lofty's face lit up. "Brilliant!" he said as though Dylan had achieved something really clever. "Let's go."

They were just leaving Resus when the world around them shuddered.

* * *

The pain was getting worse now. Rita could feel a discharge from her ear which Connie had informed her (with far too much satisfaction) was watery blood, indicative of a head injury. But she kept going. She would never in a million years admit it, of course, but Connie was the reason why she kept going.

Rita couldn't let Connie see her give up. She didn't want to show any signs of weakness. Side by side, they bumped down the stairs. Almost in unison, Rita's feet and Connie's good foot landed on the bottom stair. They supported themselves with their hands as they moved their bottoms down a step too.

"So, how are we going to get to the door?" said Rita, more than a faint note of challenge in her voice. "Because I'm telling you now: you can't walk it."

"And you certainly shouldn't consider walking," said Connie.

Rita shrugged. "I won't walk if you don't walk."

"Fine," said Connie. "I could hop, but you shouldn't. You'd fall over and hit your head again."

"Hopping would jar your bad ankle," said Rita. "We wouldn't want that."

"I suppose we could slid on the floor on our rear ends," said Connie.

Rita smirked. "I could. But I'm not sure the great Mrs Beauchamp should be sliding along the floor like that. Not with a skirt on."

Connie frowned as she realised Rita was correct.

"We could wiggle along on our bellies," suggested Rita.

"I don't think you've got sufficient chest power," said Connie, sticking her own chest out. "In order to see where you're going, you'll have to strain your head into an unnatural position."

"Then what should we do?" said Rita.

Connie opened her mouth.

Very few things stopped Connie Beauchamp from speaking.

A loud explosion, it seemed, was one of them.

* * *

Zoe moaned aloud as Max began to kiss down her neck. He'd got her dress off now and although he'd abandoned his attempts to unhook her bra (quite surprising really, considering Max's considerable experience in this department), it was fair to say the said bra was no longer performing its intended function.

"Shall we make the earth move?" said Max.

Zoe started to unbutton his jeans. "Yes, Max." She had a feeling they ought to be doing something else, but nothing mattered now. Nothing but her and Max and being back together.

Soon, they were both completely naked, Max having yanked the offending bra over her head. Their bodies joined together.

The earth moved.

* * *

Cal moved slowly through the hospital. His heart was pounding with the fear he was trying his hardest to deny as he walked softly through the corridors, his ears attuned for the smallest sound. He hadn't seen or heard anyone so far. He knew the hospital had been evacuated, but he'd expected Ethan to be somewhere near the ED or he'd have been unlikely to hear the cries for help – if that was what he'd heard. Perhaps there had been some other reason why Ethan had gone in the main part of the hospital. He might have been told to go, perhaps by Zoe or Dylan. Or perhaps he had an assignation with Honey but didn't want to be caught by anyone who worked in the ED.

Though if he had an assignation with Honey and didn't want to be caught, it would have been much more sensible to leave the hospital. That was what Cal always did.

Then he heard it. A bang.

Then something fell upon his head.

* * *

Charlie could see a light.

It was some way up ahead of him, but it burned brightly and seemed to be calling to him.

Slowly, he began to walk towards it.


	17. Chapter 17

_Thank you for all the reviews! They're amazing and so are you._

 **beckyboogle** , thank you so much - that's really kind of you. I hope I can keep it exciting. I'm happy to announce no-one will be dying... in this chapter.

 **Penelope salt** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you're enjoying it. I'm sorry I couldn't update last night, but I will be updating every day until this story is finished.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you! I really am honoured to be compared with Shakespeare. I have been compared to Shakespeare once before, but that wasn't a compliment. I like your way better! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying the different storylines.

 **Tato Potato** , I can tell you this much. Either it will be Cal or it won't. Thank you for your review - I know I'm being a tease, but I really do appreciate your reviews.

 **ETWentHome** , you'll find out where Ethan is soon. I'm glad you're enjoying the different storylines - that's a very interesting point about Charlie. I didn't think of interpreting it both ways, but it's good to know it's possible. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're still reading and enjoying it. I would have updated sooner, but I couldn't get into the house!

 **lauraamyx** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying the different points of view - I've never written anything with so many before, so it's really good to know it's working. I hope you continue to enjoy it!

 **Georgy-Girl** , I'm really glad you're enjoying it! You'll find out a little bit more about some of the characters in this chapter. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lily stood frozen. She didn't need anyone to tell her what had happened. She didn't want to look; didn't want to see how much damage had been wrought with her friends still inside.

She felt hands touch hers. "I'll take over," Jacob said gently. "I know Ethan's here now, but he won't be at his best and you might be needed too."

"I will decide…" began Lily, but then she stopped. "No. You are correct, Jacob." She turned to Dixie and Iain. "Dixie, you're able to use the AED?"

"Yes, Dr Chao," said Dixie.

"'Lily' is fine," said Lily. "Please administer shocks if necessary."

She walked briskly towards the ED, her confident steps belying the terror inside her. She half-expected to see a crumbling ruin, but the ED looked the same as usual. There was minor chaos in the car park and Louise was standing on a trolley and demanding calm, while Noel and Big Mac walked between the lines of people, trying to soothe the more anxious individuals. Robyn was as white as a sheet but trying to help.

Lily decided she'd better find out what had happened. She went to ask the police for an update, only to discover they were holding tightly to Ethan, who was trying to get away from them.

"Please let me go in!" he begged. "My brother's in there."

"Ethan's a superhero, you know!" said Honey. "You wouldn't believe what he's done already today."

One of the policeman spoke firmly to Ethan. "If your brother is in there, he will be found and helped, but we can't let you go in until it's safe to do so."

Ethan stopped struggling and his eyes filled with tears. He looked more like a small boy than a superhero. "But he's my brother and he could be dead."

Honey put her arms around his waist. "He's not dead, Ethan. I'm sure I'd know if he was dead. I'd feel something in the air."

"It's my fault!" said Ethan, as Honey tried to wipe his tears away.

Lily took his arm and led him to a bench. "Now, why would it be your fault?" she said crisply as she sat beside him.

Honey sat on Ethan's other side. "No, it's my fault. Ethan came to see me, but he didn't tell Cal he was going so Cal thought he was in the building."

"You mean you weren't inside the building?" said Lily, her voice rising. "You were on a _booty call_?"

"No, he was rescuing me from the violent blackmailer I was cheating on him with," said Honey, as though this explained everything.

They heard another voice and looked up to see an irate Louise. "You mean Cal risked his life and his future happiness for you and you weren't even in there?"

Ethan, to Honey's clear dismay, began to sob even harder, but then he looked at Louise. "What do you mean: his future happiness?"

"His girlfriend was here," said Louise. "Blonde. Jailbird. Taylor something? She wanted him to go to the hospital with her and told him if he didn't go, she'd never see him again. He chose to go after you."

Ethan sat frozen in horror, but then he jumped to his feet. Lily and Honey pushed him back down onto the bench.

"No, Ethan. You are not going into the building," said Lily firmly. "All you will do is put yourself in danger and create more work for the emergency services – which will delay getting help to Cal. So you will stay here, please, and try to keep calm because we are the only two doctors and you might be needed."

Honey gave her an indignant look. "Ethan won't create more work for the emergency services! He's better than the emergency services. He's my superhero, aren't you?" She dabbed at Ethan's tears again.

"He might be your superhero, but right now, he is our doctor!" said Lily. "And the only superheroing he will be doing is emergency medicine."

Louise touched her arm. "Lily, his brother is in danger and he's blaming himself. He's not going to be in any condition to work and you can't expect him to."

Lily glared at her. "Exactly who do you think you are?"

"Someone who made the same mistake with Robyn," said Louise. She held out her arms as Robyn came towards her.

"I'm sorry: I know I should carry on working, but I can't!" wept Robyn.

Louise patted her back. "It's okay. You've done really well to keep working as long as you have."

"No: you don't need to work, Robyn," said Ethan. He took the tissue from Honey and wiped his face. "But I do. Cal and the others need me and this probably won't be my job anymore after today."

"Don't say that!" said Honey.

Lily gave Ethan a quick visual assessment and decided he was calm enough to work. "Of course this will still be your job. If one booty call is a reason to fire someone, then Cal would have left long ago." She hesitated, wondering if she dared to do it, especially with Honey watching, then she made her decision and gave Ethan a hug. "Cal has a habit of being all right and he is not one to break the habit of a lifetime."

Ethan nodded shakily. "Thanks, Lily." Then he gripped her arm so painfully, she almost cried out.

Two figures were making their way towards them, each supported by a policeman. One was tall and dark-haired. She was limping heavily but still wearing both her shoes. The other person was small and blonde and had a cut on her head.

Connie looked a bit shaken, but she made the effort to speak with her usual confidence. "Dr Chao. Good to see you. Dr Hardy. Glad you got out safely."

"Oh, I wasn't-" began Ethan, only to receive a swift kick from Lily. There was honesty and then there was stupidity.

"Mrs Beauchamp: you have a leg injury?" said Lily.

"It's just a sprained ankle," said Connie. "I'm sure Dr Hardy can deal with that. But perhaps you could treat Rita, Dr Chao: she needs her head examined."

"Excuse me!" said Rita.

Connie waved a hand graciously. "You're excused."

"If you'd like to follow me, Rita," said Lily, only to be stopped by a shout. She looked up to see Dylan and Lofty coming out of the ED. Dylan was walking unsteadily, his eyes wide and staring as Lofty supported him. It looked as though the nurse was speaking encouragingly to the doctor as they walked.

"Are you two all right?" said Lily.

"We're not hurt," said Lofty. "But Dylan's... we're both a bit shaken up."

Dylan was muttering to himself. "It's my fault. It's my fault. We shouldn't have left. I knew we shouldn't have left." He turned on Lofty. "Why did you let me leave?"

Lofty spoke soothingly. "It's not your fault, Dylan. Why don't we sit down for a bit? You look... I mean, I feel a bit shaky."

"It was my fault," said Dylan. "I should have heeded the warning. I should have known."

Lily bit back a sigh as she realised Dylan was in an even worse state than Ethan.

"Lofty, please stay with Dylan," said Lily. "Louise and I will treat Rita. Ethan, you will treat Mrs Beauchamp. You may, of course, stop if Cal is brought out or if you feel unable to work."

"Who died and made you clinical lead?" said Dylan.

"Fortunately, no-one," said Connie. "But if I had, the hospital would have been in very good hands."


	18. Chapter 18

**Tato Potato** , in some ways, I do want to tell you, but I think there would be complaints if I did! I think you could be right about Ethan - he's certainly struggling to cope now. Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying it.

 **Penelope salt** , thank you very much - that's a big compliment! I think you'll find about Cal tomorrow. I can't really write anything from his point of view unless he's alive and conscious and he might not be either! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I didn't think you'd forgive me if I killed Lofty! Dylan will need help so I probably shouldn't kill his therapist either. But there are plenty of other people I can kill instead! Thank you for your review - I hope you keep enjoying it.

 **beckyboogle** , sorry for teasing, but I just can't tell you! Thank you so much for your review. No-one dies in this chapter, but I wouldn't stop worrying quite yet...

 **ETWentHome** , thank you so much for your kind words. I love how Dylan's problems ended up fitting in so well with a Holby City story - thank you to the writers for that! Thank you for your review and I hope you enjoy this chapter too!

 **Georgy-Girl** , I know, poor Dylan has no reason to blame himself for any of this, but there is so much in the story that plays on his insecurities. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Max opened his eyes. He was lying on his back, looking upwards at what he thought should have been the ceiling. His breath came shallowly and there was pain in his chest; his arms… everywhere.

He tried to remember where he was. He felt very cold and his shoulders appeared to be bare, but he couldn't see anything below his chest as something large was resting on it, pressing into him and hindering his efforts to breathe. He tried to sit up; tried to push at it with the arms trapped beneath it, but it didn't move.

Where was he? What was he doing here? Why was he naked?

When remembered, terror filled him. He turned his head from side to side, looking for Zoe, but all he could see was chaos. Zoe's overturned desk with files and papers scattered. Two filing cabinets had also toppled. And everywhere there was white plaster: some in little flakes, looking almost like snow; some attached to large, misshapen lumps of wood, including the one sitting on Max's chest.

"Zoe?" Max croaked out as he looked from side to side again. Spots were starting to dance between his eyes and he knew he was about to lose consciousness, but he fought it desperately as he looked for some sigh of the woman he loved. His _wife_. "Zoe!"

He both wanted to see has and didn't want to. If he saw her, at least he would know where she was. If he didn't see her, that might mean she was safe; that she had escaped before the ceiling came down and trapped her. But if he didn't see her, it could mean she was trapped under the debris as he was, perhaps seriously injured.

If only he'd got her out sooner. If only he hadn't let his stupid animal lust take control.

Then he saw it poking out from under one of the filing cabinets.

A £400 high-heeled shoe.

* * *

Lofty rubbed Dylan's back and listened to his frightened breathing. The fact Dylan was letting Lofty touch him at all showed how deeply affected he was. "It's all right, Dylan," he said. "You're all right. You're safe."

"What?" said Dylan, looking first outraged and then terrified.

"Everything's going to be all right, Dylan."

"How do you know?" Dylan's voice was harsh. "What do you know about anything? Have you even read a checklist in your life?"

"Quite often, actually," said Lofty. "I'm quite good at forgetting things so it's good to remind myself sometimes."

Dylan didn't seem to be listening. "I knew." His voice had dropped to a shaky whisper. "I knew something bad would happen. I knew."

Lofty felt completely out of his depth. He wasn't qualified to deal with this. But the one thing he knew for certain was that he wasn't going to give up. He never gave up on his mates. "Dylan, none of this is your fault."

"But it's happened twice now," said Dylan. "My home. My workplace. It can't be a coincidence."

"It's a coincidence," said Lofty. "They do happen. And if you're looking for a common denominator thingy, there were loads of us at the wedding who are here today. Me, Zoe, Max, Ethan... But it isn't our fault. We didn't force some guy to get hold of a bomb and take a few people hostage. Even if we do push someone over the edge, it's not always our fault because we're not the ones who put them on the edge in the first place. It's not your fault, Dylan. You mustn't blame yourself."

* * *

"So, where is everyone?" said Connie briskly as Ethan bandaged her ankle. "Lily's been here all the time; you, Dylan, Lofty, Rita and I got out safely. What about Zoe and Max?"

"I don't know," said Ethan. He didn't think they'd come out, but it was difficult for him to think of anything but Cal. He could focus on doing his job, but any other question left him floundering.

"You didn't see anything of them when you were in there?"

Ethan shook his head, lowering his eyes in an effort to hide his guilt. He didn't know what to do. Lily clearly thought that telling Connie the truth was a bad idea, but his feelings were mixed. He didn't like hiding the truth from his clinical lead, but he also knew she was a lot more stressed and upset than she was pretending. He'd seen her catch her lip between her teeth and once or twice heard a tremor in her voice. The last thing she needed was for Ethan to give her something else to worry about.

 _Just keep quiet, do your job, and don't fall apart._

"Well, all we can do is wait for news," said Connie. She touched his arm. "And not give up hope."

Ethan nodded, blinking back tears.

Connie kept hold of his arm and gave him a moment before continuing. "Now, I've seen Robyn, Louise and Lofty." Her lips tightened momentarily. "And Sister Freeman, of course. Where's…" She stopped, her eyes widening briefly with fear, though she quickly hide the emotion. "Where's Charlie? Did he get out of the hospital safely?"

Ethan secured the bandage, trying to hide his distress. With everything that had happened, he hadn't anticipated that Connie might ask after Charlie. "I'm sorry, Mrs Beauchamp. He had another heart attack and then his heart stopped. Jacob, Dixie and Iain were trying to restart it when we heard the explosions."

He saw Connie's head drop, her hands covering her face and her hair swinging forward to provide a further screen. "Oh God. Oh, Charlie. Why wasn't he taken straight to St James'?"

"I don't know," admitted Ethan. There was so much he didn't know because he hadn't been where he was supposed to be. "Lily wanted him to go to St James' after the heart attack, but there was a problem with the ambulance and they were waiting for another one."

"Right: if you've finished treating me, I'd like to see him," said Connie.

Ethan opened his mouth to tell Connie that it would be inadvisable to put any weight on her foot and that he had no access to crutches at present. But he knew that would be a waste of breath. "All right: I'll take you there now." He didn't want to be so far from Cal, but he knew there was nothing he could do for him till he was out of the building. Connie, probably the best doctor he'd ever worked with, might be able to help Charlie. He helped Connie up and offered her his arm.

"Thank you," said Connie, with more gratitude than he'd ever heard from her.

"My pleasure," said Ethan politely. Then he cringed at the inappropriateness of his words. "I mean… I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"It's all right, Dr… it's all right, Ethan," said Connie gently. "I know exactly what you meant."

* * *

"Do you remember what happened?" asked Lily as she examined the wound on Rita's head.

"Connie pushed me," said Rita, her words slurring.

Lily frowned, both at the sound of Rita's voice and the words themselves. "I hardly think that's likely."

"No… she… pushed me," said Rita.

"Okay," said Lily. She would deal with that side of things later. "Are you taking any anti-coagulants?"

Rita stared at her blankly.

"Medications to prevent clotting of the blood," said Lily, frowning. Surely Rita knew that.

"Medications…" said Rita. "Medications… No."

"And how are you feeling?" said Lily. She already had more than enough information to tell her that Rita needed urgent hospital treatment – and that the hospital car park wasn't good enough - but she wanted to get as full a picture as she could and to keep Rita talking. "You say you have a headache and double vision… do you feel nauseous at all?"

Rita stared out in front of her, an odd expression on her face, though perhaps that was partly due to the discrepancy in pupil size.

"Look at me!" commanded Lily.

No response. She shook Rita's shoulder and saw her eyes move in response, but still she said nothing.

"I'm just going to check your breathing and pulse," said Lily. Once this was done - neither giving her any added concern - her eyes left Rita briefly to look around the car park: almost immediately, she saw what she was looking for. "Mac, can you please bring me that trolley?"

Big Mac went to the trolley at once and started to wheel it over. Nearby, Lofty said a few quiet words to Dylan and came to help.

"Help me get Rita onto the trolley," said Lily. "Thank you." She looked around again. "Noel, can you please call an ambulance? I'm not sure we have one available. Tell them we have a woman in her 30s with a suspected severe head injury following a fall. Please walk with us and relay any other questions to me."

Noel nodded and fell into step beside them, already speaking to the emergency services.

Lily looked down at Rita's pale face. "Rita, can you hear me? Look at me, please."

Lily hated this. She was a doctor. She knew what was wrong and she knew what to do, but she couldn't do it. Without monitors and equipment, she was powerless. Rita's level of response was deteriorating and Lily could do nothing. Charlie could be still fighting for his life in the car park: there had been so little Lily could do. Max, Zoe and Cal were still inside the building and Lily was sure she would know how to help them too - but even once they were out, Lily could do little other than make them as comfortable as possible without making their injuries worse.

Her friends could be dying around her, but all she could do was stand by helplessly and hope.


	19. Chapter 19

**Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you like the story. There is a little bit of Zoe in this chapter, but I can't promise good news!

 **Tato Potato** , I'd be saying exactly the same thing if this was somebody else's story about Cal! It's a shame about Rita, but if I'm going to kill someone, I like to keep my options open. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid a few people are falling apart in this chapter, but probably only emotionally. I hope you enjoy it!

 **Tanith Panic** , Rita is suffering the delayed effects of a head injury. It could be that nothing much is wrong with her or she could drop dead. It all depends on what kind of mood I'm in. Thank you for your review!

 **Penelope salt** , thank you for your review - I hope you enjoy the new chapter. I'm afraid Cal isn't in this chapter, but there will be a bit of an update at the end.

* * *

Robyn sat very still, letting Honey's chatter wash over her as she tried to pretend she was somewhere else. Somewhere a very long way away. In an alternate universe where everything was fine. Where they were all working happily together in the ED and Robyn knew exactly where Max was. A place where Lofty was still smiling. A place where Zoe hadn't cheated on Max.

"Come on. Let's go and talk to Dylan," said Honey. "He looks lonely now Lofty's gone to help Lily and I wouldn't want to be on my own if I was him."

"Dylan likes being alone," said Robyn.

"No-one really likes being alone," said Honey with certainty. "He's just shy and he's got a sad soul. He needs a few cups of my special tea inside him and a bit of healing."

Robyn let her gaze drop to the floor. She felt as though she had no energy to spare: it was all focused on Max. But she knew she had to stop Honey from going over to Dylan. Robyn didn't exactly understand Dylan's problems and she still hadn't quite forgiven him for the way he'd spoken to Lofty, but Honey was so exuberant and she had a feeling it would only stress Dylan out, which would create more work for everyone.

Robyn let her head drop into her hands. Why was everything so difficult?

"Hey, it's okay," said Honey, rubbing Robyn's back. "Max will be okay. I know he will. I've seen his lifeline."

"A long lifeline only means a long life," said Robyn, as more tears filled her eyes. "It doesn't mean an easy life. It doesn't mean a life free of pain and suffering."

Honey looked confused. "But isn't it good if he's alive?"

"It will be good he's not dead," said Robyn tearfully. "But what if he wishes he was? What then?"

* * *

Jacob was beginning to lose hope, but the last thing he was going to do was show it. He kept his voice optimistic, if not cheerful, as he gave instructions to Dixie and Iain. He knew their hopes were fading too, but Charlie was a fighter. Jacob knew Charlie wouldn't give up that easily.

He didn't look up when he heard the sound of voices: he was completely focused on his task – but as the voices came nearer, he recognised the female voice as Connie. Jacob thought he would pick out Connie's voice in the middle of a crowd.

"How is he?" asked Connie as she approached, leaning heavily on Ethan. Jacob didn't miss the fact that she was wearing only one shoe: the other foot was wrapped in a white bandage. The other shoe was, as he might have guessed, held firmly in her other hand.

"We're not giving up on him yet," said Jacob.

Connie stopped beside the trolley, looking down at Charlie. "I told myself, if it happened again, that the kindest thing might be to let him go."

Jacob raised his eyebrows. "It's your call, boss."

"And I say: carry on," said Connie, her voice slightly unsteady but determined. "Perhaps it is the kindest thing to do… but nobody's ever accused me of being kind and I don't intend to let them start now. We're not going to lose him, Jacob."

Ethan spoke with a softness and hesitancy that Jacob knew wasn't entirely due to the terror of Connie. "Mrs Beauchamp, is there anything I can do?"

Connie touched his arm. "No. You should go in case Cal needs you. Thank you, Ethan."

"Thank you," Ethan echoed in a trembling voice and started to walk away.

"As soon as I'm done with these compressions, I'll keep my fingers crossed for Cal, Ethan," Jacob called after him.

Ethan turned and gave Jacob a weak smile over his shoulder. "Thanks. Mine are crossed for Charlie too."

* * *

The pain was getting worse, but Max wasn't giving up. He continued to call Zoe's name, despite the increasing difficulty of taking in a breath. In every pause between shouts, he dreaded both hearing her voice and not hearing it. He didn't want her to be here. He wanted her as far away from danger as possible.

But considering how close they'd been only minutes before, it didn't seem likely.

Again, he tried to push at the object on his chest. Again, he failed.

Then a groan reached his ears.

"Zoe?"

Another groan, but Max recognised it as his name.

"Zoe, are you okay?"

"How can I be okay when I've got God knows what on top of me?" said Zoe.

Max realised he was fighting back tears. He'd been doing that a lot lately and Zoe was always the cause, but the relief that filled him at hearing her sound so normal; so much like herself was immeasurable. "You're under the filing cupboard, Zoe," he said between gasps for breath. "I can see your shoes…"

"I'm not wearing my shoes, you idiot!" said Zoe. "I don't leave my shoes on for sex. Not unless I have a special request."

Max tried not to remember that he'd not been the only person recently to be in a position to make such a request. "I'm glad you're okay."

Zoe sounded cross. "Max, I've been buried alive here. In what way am I okay?"

"Fair enough," said Max, and he couldn't help smiling a little bit. He'd known a lot of bad patients in his job, but Zoe had always been one of the worst.

"And I really do feel quite-" Zoe broke off and groaned.

"Zoe?" Max's smile was gone now. "Zoe, are you okay?"

Zoe didn't reply.

* * *

Dylan looked up as the hospital barista sat on the bench beside him. She gave him a smile and he felt himself tense.

"Sorry, Dylan," said Robyn. Her eyes were red and she looked like she might burst into tears at any moment.

Dylan knew the feeling.

Robyn gave him a small, trembly smile. "If you want to be alone…"

"Of course he doesn't want to be alone," said the barista. Dylan had heard her name was Honey, but he didn't think that could be her real name.

"Actually, I would like to be alone," said Dylan. "So, if you don't mind…"

"No, I don't mind," said Honey. "I think it's good to be honest about what you feel. It shows you're in touch with your emotions."

Robyn put her hand on Honey's arm. "Come on, Honey. Let's go and check on some of the patients."

Honey ignored her and took Dylan's hand. She traced a finger along his palm. "You've had a difficult life, haven't you, Dylan?"

Dylan yanked his hand away. "How can you possibly know that?"

"It's in your palm," said Honey. "I can see things you've done. Things you're going to do."

"Things I've done?" said Dylan.

Honey nodded. "It's not going to get any easier if you keep going the way you are, you know."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You need to be around people," said Honey. "You need to make friends; start talking to people. You need to start doing normal things. Living on your own with a dog at your age... that's not normal, is it?"

" _Honey_!" said Robyn, dismayed. "She didn't mean it, Dylan. She's just messing around."

"Of course I mean it!" said Honey. "It's all in his palm. I'm not just making this up, you know!"

Dylan sat, frozen. He knew he wasn't normal. He knew this was obvious even to someone of Honey's limited intelligence. But that didn't make hearing it any easier. He stood up. He was breathing hard and trembling.

"Where are you going?" said Honey, startled.

"Away from you!" shouted Dylan, and walked off.

* * *

"Is there anything I can do?" Ethan asked Louise in a quiet voice.

Louise shook her head. "I think we've got all the injuries under control. Lily did a lot. She's been brilliant."

Ethan nodded sadly. He'd passed Lily on the way back to the car park. Rita was unconscious on a trolley and he'd offered his assistance, but Lily had told him she had everything under control and he believed her.

Ethan felt anything but brilliant and he was barely even controlling himself.

"Are you okay?" said Louise, her voice surprisingly gentle.

"Not really," admitted Ethan.

"You should have told someone you were leaving the ED," said Louise.

"I know," whispered Ethan. "What do you think I've been telling myself ever since I found out about Cal?"

Louise put her arm around him. Ethan tensed: he didn't really feel he knew Louise well enough to let her hug him. He didn't really liked to be hugged by anyone except Honey and – in certain circumstances and only in private – Cal.

He wondered if Cal would ever hug him again.

"Why don't you go and speak to the police?" said Louise. "They might have some news."

"But do I want to hear the news?" said Ethan in a choked voice.

"You'll have to hear the news eventually," said Louise. "It might as well be now."

Ethan nodded and they made their way to the edge of the cordon, where they were met by a policeman.

"Is either of you a doctor?"

"Yes, I'm Dr Hardy," said Ethan. His heartbeat quickened.

"We've got men in the building now. We've found some casualties and we need the assistance of-" The policeman stopped, peering more closely at Ethan. "Aren't you Caleb Knight's brother?"

"Yes, I am," said Ethan.

The policeman was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry, sir. I think it's best if we find someone else."


	20. Chapter 20

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , that's the problem with killing characters - it's really sad! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the less sad parts of the chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , I didn't want anything to happen to Cal, but I'm under such pressure to kill people off... which I take as a big compliment as it shows people care what happens. Thank you for your review!

 **CBloom2** , I could have made you wait till tomorrow to find out about Ethan, but I'm in a generous mood (and I really wanted to write about Ethan). So there are two Ethan sections in this chapter - I really hope you enjoy them. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , it's quite difficult having so many characters, but I'm trying not to forget about anyone! Thank you for saying you like that aspect of the story. I have to agree about Honey, but foolish characters can be useful. Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , I'm afraid something has happened to Cal, but you might get your wish concerning Ethan... I definitely think he and Cal ought to be together now. Thank you for your review!

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you're enjoying the cliffhangers and not finding them annoying. You'll find out some of what I'm going to do to Cal in this chapter...

 **Georgy-Girl** , you don't have to wait any longer... the next chapter is right here. Thank you for your review - I hope you keep enjoying the story.

* * *

Louise watched as the colour drained from Ethan's face. She took a step closer to him, ready to break his fall if he fainted, but then he seemed to steady himself.

"I think Dr Keogh's over…" he began as he looked over to where they'd last seen Dylan. Only Honey and Robyn were there. Ethan looked in the other direction, back towards the crowds, then he spoke, his words soft but deliberate. "There's Dr Chiltern over there with the trolley. You could ask him."

The policeman nodded his thanks and walked off.

Louise frowned slightly. She didn't think she knew Dr Chiltern and as a receptionist, she'd prided herself on knowing everybody. Perhaps a new doctor had come in without her realising, but the name Chiltern did sound familiar…

By the time she'd realised Ethan was actually talking about Lofty, the policeman was some distance away and Ethan was running into the ED.

"Ethan!" Louise ran after him, but even in her nurse's shoes, she couldn't catch him. She stopped just outside the ED. Louise liked to think she could handle anything and when it came to unruly patients, she probably could. Entering a building with a bomb threat was a different matter and she hesitated on the threshold.

"Louise?" She turned to see Honey.

"Honey, I'm sorry," said Louise. "I couldn't stop him. But I'm sure there's no danger now. They were asking for a doctor. They just didn't want it to be…" She gave Honey another apologetic look. "…Cal's brother."

Honey didn't look upset. She was clapping her hands in delight. "That's my Superdoctor! But he needs his Honeygirl!"

"Honey, don't be stupid!" said Louise in alarm, as the barista ran into the ED.

* * *

Lily watched in relief as the ambulance drew carefully into the ED. "Right: let's get Rita onboard."

There was a look of horror on Connie's face. "This is Charlie's ambulance! He's been waiting longer. He should be seen first."

"Mrs Beauchamp, it is not first-come, first-served," said Lily, rather surprised that this needed explaining to the clinical lead, but perhaps it was some sort of test. "The reasonably-young woman should be saved before the elderly man."

Connie's eyes were shiny. "But we can't. We can't lose Charlie."

"We might not have to," said Lily, as two paramedics got out of the ambulance. "We just have to do what makes medical sense."

She saw Jacob put his hand on Connie's shoulder and waited for the inevitable moment when Connie would order Jacob to remove his hand. Connie didn't. This might have been because she was focused on Charlie, but Lily thought she looked just slightly comforted by Jacob's action.

"She's right, you know, Connie." Jacob's voice was very gentle.

Connie didn't answer in words, but she nodded, her eyes fixed on Charlie.

Jacob squeezed her shoulder. "I'll help get Rita into the van."

Connie nodded again.

The paramedics had opened the back doors of the ambulance and put the ramp in place. Lily took one corner of Rita's trolley and helped Jacob, Iain and the paramedics to guide it as gently as possible into the ambulance. Connie remained where she was, still giving compressions, while Dixie sat beside the AED, ready to deliver the next shock. Iain and one of the paramedics each grabbed one of the ambulance doors, preparing to slam them closed.

"No, not yet!" called Connie, as her hands continued to work rhythmically. "You can take Charlie too. There's room for both of them."

The paramedics looked doubtful. "In an emergency, we might, love," one of them said. "But-"

"It is an emergency!" snapped Connie. "Charlie is the best nurse we've got and the ED couldn't function without him. Just do as you're told and put him in the ambulance."

"Who's in charge here?" asked one of the paramedics, his eyes going to Jacob.

Lily gritted her teeth. Trust them to assume the man was in charge! "Mrs Beauchamp is our clinical lead. I am a doctor. Jacob is just a nurse."

It annoyed her even more when Jacob laughed. "The 'just' is a matter of opinion, but Mrs Beauchamp's authority is not. And Dr Chao does all right too for such a young doctor. If you want my advice, you should do as these fine young ladies say."

Lily resolved to have stern words with Jacob later, but for now, she ignored him and spoke to the paramedics. "Please take Nurse Fairhead too if you can do so without endangering Sister Freeman's life. If you cannot do this, we will wait for another ambulance."

"She's right," said Connie, her words a sigh. "Dr Chao is right."

* * *

"Dr Chiltern?" said the policeman.

Lofty's thoughts were elsewhere. Specifically on the man he'd just seen hurrying away from the ED. "Um, yes?"

"Dr Chiltern, we require your assistance," said the policeman.

"Oh. Okay. I'll come and… wait, did you just call _me_ 'doctor'?" said Lofty. "I'm not a doctor. I'm a nurse." He watched as Dylan disappeared from view. "And I really need to be somewhere…"

The policeman looked confused. "But Dr Hardy said…" He glanced back towards the ED. "Where's he..." The policeman swore colourfully and got out his radio, giving quick instructions to apprehend Dr Hardy. "What do you mean you took him to the casualties? Find him and bring him back. I'm trying to get hold of another doctor." He turned to Lofty. "Where can I find another doctor?"

"Mrs Beauchamp and Dr Chao are round by the ambulance station," said Lofty. Instinct told him Dylan wasn't an option.

"I'll show you if you like," said Big Mac. "You go on, Lofty, and do what you need to do."

Lofty thought he'd better wait for permission from the policeman – he didn't want to get arrested – but this was readily granted. Lofty ran in the direction Dylan had taken and looked around. There seemed to be no sign of him, but something made him look upwards.

There was a multi-storey car park near the ED. Alongside it were steps, leading up to the different levels. Dylan was running up the steps.

Lofty couldn't move.

The ED staff parked their cars in the ED staff car park. He could think of no reason why Dylan might go up there.

No reason except one.

* * *

Ethan found the first part easy. He ran into the ED and found a policeman standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Excuse me. I'm Dr Keogh. I've been sent to treat Dr Knight." He didn't know whether everyone was aware that Dr Hardy was Dr Knight's brother, but he wasn't taking any chances.

"I'll take you part of the way, sir," was the reply, and Ethan found himself escorted up the stairs.

He had a million questions bubbling around inside his head, but he forced himself to keep silent. He had to appear professional. He didn't want anyone else saying he couldn't see his own brother.

Even though just thinking about Cal and what might have happened to him filled him with terror.

The policeman's radio crackled. "Sorry, Dr Keogh. Someone's trying to contact me." He held it to his ear.

Ethan could guess who it was. He'd known his 'Dr Chiltern' ruse wouldn't last long. Even if Lofty guessed what Ethan was up to, he would never pretend to be a doctor – and he'd be right not to. Ethan moved quickly, throwing himself through the doors leading to the main part of the hospital. He kept running until he saw more policeman up ahead of him and skidded to a halt. "I understand you requested the services of a doctor. I'm Dr Keogh."

"Thank you for coming so quickly, Dr Keogh. The most serious injury was sustained by the bomber; one of the staff members with him, a Nurse Fletcher, has what we think is a superficial wound – though you would be able to say better than us, sir; the other member of staff, a Guy Self, is suffering from shock but appears uninjured; and there's another member of staff, we believe a Dr Knight, who's been hit on the head by falling masonry and seems to be unconscious."

Ethan took a shaky breath. He was concerned and upset to hear that Fletch had been involved and the fact Guy Self was suffering from shock was worrying, even though his apparent lack of injury suggested the policeman wasn't using the term 'shock' in the medical sense. But only one person mattered. "The man with the head injury: what was he wearing? What colour scrubs?"

The policeman looked surprised. "I'm not sure to be honest, sir. The ceiling collapsed so he's been showered with debris and there's quite a lot of blood, but it looks like he's wearing a grey top and black trousers."

Ethan thought for a moment that he might faint. There was a rushing sound in his ears and he could no longer see anything but darkness. But when he spoke, his voice was firm. "Take me to him, please."

"Dr Keogh, I'm no expert, but I think the bomber's condition is far more serious. He looks like he needs surgery."

"I'm not a surgeon," said Ethan. "Please do as I say and take me to Dr Knight."


	21. Chapter 21

**ETWentHome** , I do feel a bit mean, but this is Casualty... it would be wrong to have too many healthy people! I'm afraid there is no Cal or Ethan in this chapter (most unlike me, I know!), but I hope you'll still enjoy it. Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , it will definitely be very difficult for Ethan to treat Cal - much like when Cal had to treat Ethan. You'll find out more about that in the chapter after this one! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

 **TildaJoy** , Zoe and Max were in Chapter 19, but they were missing from Chapter 20, as you say. It's quite difficult to write about them as Zoe's not talking and Max can't go anywhere, but I've written an extra scene for this chapter. Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you're enjoying it despite your fears for Zoe and Max! Their storyline has a slight development in this chapter and I've already written a Zax scene for the next chapter. I hope you'll enjoy them.

 **Tato Potato** , I'm afraid Cal isn't in this chapter (sorry), but you might need the handkerchief for Chapter 22. I don't know how good I am at tear-jerkers, but you might just find out... Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I won't be writing much about the bomber as he was given far too much time and attention in Holby City - and I have enough people to worry about! To be fair, Jacob does swagger round like he owns the ED! Thank you for your review.

 **Penelope salt** , thank you for your review. I'm afraid this chapter focuses on injured characters other than Cal, but I hope you still enjoy it. Cal will have to be in the next chapter because I miss him too!

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you so much! It really is lovely that you're enjoying it so much. I hope you enjoy this chapter too. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Robyn looked up as three figures emerged from the ED. The policeman was waving a reproving finger at Honey, who looked pouty and fed up, while Louise was clearly trying to calm her down. Robyn almost smiled at the thought of Louise being the gentle, calming one, but smiling just wasn't possible now. Not even for Robyn.

After a few more stern words from the policeman, Louise and Honey came over to Robyn. Honey threw herself down beside Robyn with a sigh and folded her arms.

Louise sat on her other side. "Robyn, how are you doing?" Louise looked stressed and tired and as though she might snap at anyone who stepped out of line, but her voice was gentle.

"I don't know," said Robyn honestly. "I just feel… I don't know how I feel. Like a part of me is missing. No: not just missing. Cut away. And it hurts, Louise."

Louise patted her shoulder. "I know, Robyn. I wish there was something I could say."

"I'm glad you're here," admitted Robyn.

"I'm not sure anyone's ever said that to me before," said Louise. She was probably trying to make her words sound casual; even joking, but she didn't quite manage it.

"How's Charlie?" asked Robyn. "Are the boys okay?" She'd mostly thought of Max, but Charlie and the boys had regularly flitted across her consciousness.

Louise nodded. "Noel called the boys' relatives so they have someone with them now. Charlie's going to St James'."

"And what about Zoe and…" Robyn couldn't say his name.

"The policeman mentioned casualties, but he didn't mention Zoe and Max," said Louise. "Let's try to keep positive: okay?"

"I'll try," whispered Robyn.

* * *

Connie sat in the ambulance with Jacob's arm around her. She had questioned the necessity of this, but as Jacob had said, the ambulance was cramped and he had to put his arm somewhere. The paramedics had been reluctant to allow them to travel in the ambulance, but Connie had persuaded them that a surgeon and a nurse who worked in an emergency department were hardly going to hinder their work.

Charlie's heart was beating again, but he remained unconscious. For the first few minutes, Connie didn't allow herself to take her eyes off him, but he seemed better than he could have hoped for – and against her desires and inclination, thoughts of the other patient were creeping into her mind as well.

"Perhaps I should have left her inside," said Connie.

"When the ED was potentially about to be blown up?" said Jacob. "You don't hate her that much, do you?"

It didn't surprise Connie that Jacob seemed to know the history of her relationship with Rita. There wasn't that much Jacob didn't know. "She wasn't in any danger where she was. If she'd just stayed there and not moved..."

"You couldn't be sure she wasn't in danger," said Jacob. "And it's not like you could have run out of the ED and asked for help. I don't think you'll be running anywhere for a while, Mrs Beauchamp. Or wearing your other shoe."

"Where did I put it?" said Connie. She knew it wasn't important, but it bothered her that she had no idea where it was.

Jacob smiled. "I gave it to Dixie to take care of. I thought you'd be needing it again."

"Clever of you, Nurse Masters," said Connie. "With brains like that, you're wasted in nursing."

"Well, who am I to argue with the clinical lead?" said Jacob.

Connie turned her head to look at him. "You do realise that was sarcasm?"

Jacob shook his head. "I never would have expected you to resort to the lowest form of wit."

"I moderate my wit according to who I'm talking to – and their level of understanding," said Connie.

Jacob laughed. Connie felt his body shaking against hers. "If you say so, Queen Bee. If you say so."

Connie almost smiled too but both became serious as Rita's monitor started beeping.

* * *

Dylan reached the top of the stairs and walked over to the edge. He stood, looking down, feeling almost detached. He knew why he was up here, but he now felt quite calm. Honey wanted him to be normal. She seemed to think that not being normal was wrong. Dylan didn't believe he was ever going to be normal and in that moment, he'd hated himself. Hated himself for being wrong.

This, he knew, was a way out. Even if he did survive the fall, he wouldn't be able to go to the ED for treatment and St James' must be seriously overworked. If he took this option, it would soon be over. Then Honey and numerous others would be no more offended by his oddities and probably even Dervla would forget him before too long.

He took a step closer to the edge and closed his eyes. He was breathless, mostly from running but perhaps partly from the emotion. Dylan wasn't sure he wanted to die. There were good things in his life, like Dervla and his job. But he knew he didn't like being alive. Dervla only consoled him when they were together and Dylan wasn't sure how much longer he'd be able to do his job. His professional life was falling apart along with everything else.

Then he became aware of footsteps, along with gasps for breath. Someone shouted his name.

"Who is it?" said Dylan, without turning.

"It's Ben. Lofty. I saw you coming up here. I was worried."

Dylan could tell that he meant it. He sounded scared, but that made no sense. "Why?" said Dylan in bewilderment. Why would anyone care that much about him?

Lofty moved closer. "Because you're my mate and you seem upset."

"I'm not upset," said Dylan.

He was more… resigned.

"Okay. But you're still my mate," said Lofty. "And I think Honey said something to you that… annoyed you?"

"No, Honey was right," said Dylan. "I'm wrong. And there's nothing I can do about it."

Lofty put his hand tentatively on Dylan's arm. "You don't need to do anything about it. You're great as you are, Dylan."

"You say that," said Dylan expressionlessly. "Maybe you even believe it. But everyone else knows the truth."

"You don't want to pay any attention to what Honey says," said Lofty. "Even Noel admits she's tactless sometimes."

Dylan sighed. "She wouldn't need tact if I was normal. You only need tact when there's something wrong."

Lofty spoke gently. "Why don't you come away from the edge, Dylan?"

"I don't want to," said Dylan.

"I know you don't," said Lofty. "And I know that what you're thinking about seems like the only way out. But maybe you don't need a way out. You've got your therapy and you've got your mates."

Dylan scoffed. "Mates, plural? I don't think so."

"You've got me and Zoe," continued Lofty, unabashed. "And you've got Dervla. You couldn't really leave Dervla, could you?"

"Maybe it's for the best," said Dylan with a shrug. "It's no life for a dog. She's already run away from me once."

Lofty pulled gently at Dylan's arm. "But then she came back and now she's happy. And I want you to come back too, Dylan. Come back from the edge. Come back to the ED with me. Please."

Dylan shook Lofty's and from his arm. Very slowly and deliberately, he walked towards the edge.

* * *

"Hello? Can anyone hear me?"

Max opened his eyes. He had the impression that time had passed and thought he might have been unconscious, but it was difficult to be sure of anything. He tried to take a breath in to shout, but only a small amount of air entered his lungs. The pain in his chest was excruciating, but that wasn't important. "My… wife…" he choked out. He was trying to shout, but barely made any sound at all.

"Hello?

"Hello." Max tried again. "My wife… help her."

The voice came again. "We'll help you and your wife, mate: don't worry. My name's Aaron: I'm a fireman. We're going to get you out of here as quickly as we can. Can you tell me your name and your wife's name?"

"My wife is Zoe… I'm Max."

"Don't worry, Max. We'll help both of you. I'll just see if I can make Zoe hear: my wife says I have a voice like a foghorn and I can see you're struggling a bit there. Zoe? Zoe, if you can hear me, can you try to make some sort of answer? Any kind of noise will do."

Max waited. The tension was so great, he wanted to scream, but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't afford to drown out any sound Zoe might make.

There was nothing.

"Have you spoken to Zoe?" asked Aaron.

"A bit," said Max. "Then she… stopped."

Aaron's voice was reassuring. "I'm guessing you work in this hospital, Max, so you'll know she might just have fainted, but it's scary being in this situation yourself, isn't it?"

"Scared for Zoe…"

"Of course you are," said Aaron. "I would be too. Okay: my colleague's gone to find a doctor who can treat you once we've got you out. All you need to do now is keep as still as you can and keep talking. I think we're ready to start clearing a path to you now."

Max tried to speak again, but his breaths were becoming weaker. "No… Zoe… first…"

"We'll do everything we can to help Zoe," were the last words Max heard as he sank back into unconsciousness. "I promise you, Max. Everything we can."


	22. Chapter 22

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , I'm glad I gave the name Aaron to a nice character! I love that name. Thank you for your review - there's more about Max and Zoe in this chapter.

 **Paradoxilla** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed it, despite the hyperventilation! Honey really didn't choose her words with care - she couldn't have known Dylan's triggers, but it wasn't a very kind thing to say to anyone.

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you're enjoying the story. I can't promise to save Max and Zoe, but I haven't finished writing the story yet and I will take your wishes into consideration.

 **Georgy-Girl** , it's a shame you're not up there to help Lofty save Dylan! They do have a scene in this chapter so you won't have to wait to find out what happens. Thank you for your review!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you - it's nice to know I'm keeping things tense! I loved the exchanges between Connie and Jacob in the last episode so I had to include something similar. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Although they're very different, I think Dylan is growing to trust Lofty in the series - I love their friendship. No, Max isn't in a good position - but he's probably in a better position than Zoe!

* * *

Lily watched the ambulance drive away and stood for some moments, trying to calm herself down. She knew that if she wanted to be a consultant eventually, she would have to deal with this kind of thing all the time, but seeing two colleagues being driven away in an ambulance, knowing she might never see them again, did bring tears to her eyes.

"You all right, lovely- I mean Lily?" said Dixie. "I understand if you're too busy, but if you'd like to come and have a cup of tea, you're always welcome."

Lily shook her head impatiently, then realised the invitation was kindly meant. "Thank you, Dixie, but I really am too busy. With Mrs Beauchamp gone and Dr Keogh unwell, it's just me and Dr Hardy, who is naturally worried about Dr Knight."

"You know where we are if you do get a spare minute – though I'm sure you'll be allowed back in the ED before too long," said Iain.

"I hope so too," said Lily, and started to walk away, but then she turned back. "Thank you for your help with Charlie and Rita. Both of you."

Dixie and Iain both smiled at her. To Lily's surprise, the warmth in their smiles gave her a bit more strength. She smiled back and started to make her way back to the ED.

"Excuse me. Are you one of the doctors?"

It was a young man with brown hair. He looked extremely anxious and somehow familiar. Lily thought for a moment but couldn't place him. She'd treated so many people after all. "I am, but I'm afraid the ED has been evacuated due to an emergency. Do you require medical assistance?"

"I… I need to see my dad," said the man. His gaze was fixed on Lily's shoes. "Charlie Fairhead."

Of course. Lily remembered now. She stiffened, but kept her voice professional. "It's Louis, isn't it? I'm Dr Chao. Your father has been taken to St James'."

"Thanks," said Louis in a soft voice. "Is he… is he okay?"

"Your father suffered another heart attack," said Lily. "Later, his heart stopped beating. He is very ill."

She watched the colour drain from Louis' face but felt little sympathy. "Is he going to die?"

"It's possible," said Lily. "If you give him your support, it could make a difference." She looked meaningfully at him. "But if you want to support him, then do it properly. It's no good promising you'll be there for him and then running away again. Make a decision and stick to it. For Charlie's sake, I hope you make the right one."

* * *

"Dylan, please don't." Lofty's voice was shaking.

"Why do you care?" said Dylan harshly.

Lofty took step closer to him. "Because I like you, Dylan. You're a good man. You always work hard and you do your best for people. You're strong and you're intelligent and I admire that."

Dylan shook his head. "Why would you say that about me?"

"Because it's true," said Lofty. "And it scares me to death what you're doing now." His voice trembled. "I already might have lost Max and Cal. For a long time today, I thought I'd lost Ethan. I can't lose you too and I'm so grateful you were with me in Resus today because I don't know how I'd have coped if you weren't."

"If I wasn't there, you wouldn't have been in Resus," said Dylan. "You'd have been outside with all the normal people."

Lofty realised he was right, but that wasn't what bothered him. "Dylan, you are normal."

"I'm afraid of a number."

"Everyone's scared of something," said Lofty. "I'm scared of clowns. It's normal to be afraid of something and the way you reacted to being afraid was normal too. You believe the number's bad so you want to protect your patients from it. You believed that leaving Resus would be a bad thing so you didn't leave, even though you were putting yourself in danger. Perhaps you were wrong about the danger, but you still acted for the good of other people."

Dylan turned slowly. "But no-one was in danger. Not because of that."

"How can we ever really be sure?" said Lofty. "Bad things do happen and we don't know what causes it. You had an idea of what might be happening and you didn't want to take any chances. Not everyone would risk their life like you did, but wanting to protect others from danger is normal."

"Living with a dog isn't normal," said Dylan.

"Lots of people live with a dog," said Lofty. "There's more than one right way to live your life, Dylan. It's what you want to do, so you should do it. Nothing else matters."

* * *

Ethan looked at the still figure on the hospital floor. His face was bloodied and swollen and his left wrist had an open fracture. Ethan dropped to his knees, almost falling, and checked Cal's breathing. It was shallow, but still there. Ethan tried to speak to the policemen, but his voice trembled and he had to clear his throat and start again. "I can treat him, but I need help, medical equipment and a safe place to treat him."

One of the policeman spoke into his radio, asking for news on the safety of the building and enquiring about the availability of doctors. Ethan removed his jumper and shirt and asked the policemen to help him tear his shirt into strips. He put pressure on Cal's wrist, careful not to press on the protruding bone, and took the pieces of shirt handed to him by the policeman. He rolled up two strips and placed them around the bone so he was able to bandage the arm without pressing on it.

Cal's other arm appeared undamaged, but Ethan knew that didn't necessarily mean anything so he touched it only lightly as he spoke to his brother. "It's going to be okay, Cal. I'm here. I'm going to look after you. I'm your safety net and I won't let you down."

He started to examine Cal's scalp for signs of bleeding, swelling, tenderness or depression in the bone. His eyes were full of tears, but he blinked them away as his hands worked methodically.

Cal had saved him once and he was determined to do the same for Cal.

* * *

"Is there any news?" Lily asked tensely when she saw a policeman coming towards her. "I'm Dr Chao: I work in the ED."

The policeman's expression showed relief. "I was looking for you, Dr Chao. Please come with me."

All Lily wanted to do was refuse. She knew where he was taking her. She didn't want to see her colleagues all bloodied and bruised. Seriously injured… or worse. But she knew she had no choice.

"The damage from the bomb doesn't seem that serious, but there are a few casualties. Most of them are in the main part of the hospital, but there are two people trapped in one of the offices. One we've spoken to: he seems to be drifting in and out of consciousness. He says there's a woman there too, but the area needs to be cleared. We're working on that now."

"I'm happy to help, but I can't do it alone," said Lily. "I'll need stretchers to carry the patients downstairs and into Resus – or someone to bring the necessary equipment to me. I can't treat two patients at once very easily so we really need at least one other doctor. There are doctors elsewhere in the hospital if Dr Hardy and Dr Keogh not available."

The policeman nodded. "I'll see what we can do, Dr Chao."

Lily was about to call to Robyn and Louise, but then she remembered that Max was Robyn's brother. "Louise. Come here, please. I am going into the ED. Please gather up all available nurses and find me as many doctors to assist me as possible."

"I'm not sure there are any other doctors," said Louise, a worried look on her face. "Ethan's-"

Lily cut her off. "Just do your best."

She went into the ED and was taken upstairs. A knot of dread formed in her stomach. She could guess where they were going and she knew who she was likely to find.

Zoe's office was carnage. There usually was some sort of carnage in Zoe's office but nothing like this. Furniture overturned; lumps of plaster, wood and other materials on the floor; on the fallen furniture; everywhere. Lily scanned the wreckage, trying to put her emotions to one side as she located Max. A large piece of ceiling lay across his chest, pinning him to the floor. Zoe's desk lay across his legs. There were a couple of fireman in the room, working their way towards the far corner of the room.

"Hi, Max. It's Lily." Lily checked his breathing. It was rapid and shallow. "Max, can you hear me? Open your eyes."

Max made no sign he'd heard. Lily lifted the corner of the fireman's jacket that had been placed across his chest to check his clothes weren't causing constriction. Her mouth formed an O as she realised he was topless, but Lily was a doctor and had seen many topless men. She shook his bare shoulder lightly, but there was no response.

Lily guessed he was suffering from shock, but as his legs were trapped, Lily was unable to lift them. She was also unable to take his radial pulse so she pressed two fingers to his neck. His pulse was weak and rapid. "Max, don't worry. We're going to help you and Zoe. Just hold on for me. Please."


	23. Chapter 23

**Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I think Lily needed a bit of kindness - and I thought it was about time she accepted it! You'll hear more about Charlie, Zoe and Max in this chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , I thought it might be a bit disappointing if all that was wrong was a few bumps and bruises! They do need a miracle, but this is Casualty so miracles can happen. Though that doesn't necessarily mean they will. Thank you for your review!

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. No, it doesn't seem too good! It so often doesn't on Casualty. It is horrible for Ethan - there's more about that in this chapter.

 **Tanith Panic** , no, nothing abnormal about living with a dog! But Honey has some very strange ideas. One could almost say abnormal! I don't think I'm very good at being moving so I really appreciate your kind words. Thank you for your review!

 **Guest** , that's very true - Max and Zoe need some happiness and it looks like the Casualty writers aren't going to oblige us anytime soon. So it's all up to the fanfiction writers! This chapter does include a bit about Zoe. Thank you for your review!

* * *

"I'm one of the top surgeons in the country," said Connie. "Did you know that?"

Jacob smiled. "You obviously know it. And why not? I've never been one for false modesty."

"I've noticed," said Connie with a small smile. "Now please let me finish. I'm a top surgeon and I've saved numerous lives. It's not an easy job and I'm not going to pretend it is. But this… this is so much harder."

"Being the relative instead of the doctor?" said Jacob.

Connie nodded. "I feel so powerless. I know that if I went in there now, I could save Rita and Charlie and do at least as good a job as any of the doctors here."

"I don't doubt it, boss."

"But I can't," said Connie. "I'm not allowed. All I can do is sit here and wait… and hope."

Jacob put his hand on her arm.

"Sorry: is this yours?" Connie removed the hand and returned it to Jacob's lap.

Jacob smiled to himself. He wasn't discouraged. "I'm sure we'll hear something soon."

"I hope we do, or I might have to march in there and demand answers," said Connie.

"And I don't doubt you'd get them," said Jacob.

It had been a tough journey in the ambulance. They'd nearly lost Rita and the paramedics had been glad of Connie's assistance and advice. Without surgical equipment, Connie had been unable to perform the craniotomy she believed Rita needed; without scanning equipment, she couldn't even be sure if she was correct, but she and the paramedic had performed CPR while Jacob had monitored Charlie.

Jacob knew that Connie and Rita weren't the best of friends, but he'd seen that Connie really didn't want to lose her. "Connie. Why do you hate Rita so much? What did she do to you?"

"We've never got along well," said Connie.

"But something really big must have happened," said Jacob.

He half-expected Connie to tell him to mind his own business, but instead she nodded. "Yes. It did."

"Want to tell me about it?"

"No."

"I'm a good listener," said Jacob. "And I'll keep it to myself."

Connie sighed. "You're not going to let it go, are you?"

"Me? Let something go?" said Jacob. "Never."

"Her husband is a convicted paedophile," said Connie. "Or possibly ex-husband now. I don't know. They were separated. But she let him into the hospital. My daughter Grace was in the hospital at the time and she went missing. She was last seen talking to him."

Jacob heard the tremor in her voice. He longed to put his arm around her and was sure she longed for a hug. He touched her hand. She allowed it for about five seconds.

"Grace came back to the hospital, safe and sound," said Connie. "But I've never been so terrified. Rita let her husband into the hospital. She allowed him to roam around, unsupervised. I truly thought he'd… that he'd…"

"As any mother would," said Jacob.

Connie blinked hard. "He didn't harm her. She returned safe and sound. Then I found out she was going to America to live with her dad. Rita tried to offer sympathy. My heart was being torn in two and I couldn't forgive her for the terror she'd caused me. I told her I wanted her out of the department in six months."

"I'm sure she felt genuine sympathy for you," said Jacob. "But I can see it was the wrong time to offer it."

"Wrong time; wrong person," said Connie. "Things haven't been right since then." Her voice was soft; barely audible. "I was arrested. A patient - an old friend - died. The death looked suspicious and he had asked me to… to help him die. Of course I didn't. Rita had evidence that would have got me out of prison. She chose to hide it."

Jacob stared at her in shock. He could hardly believe it. It seemed so unlike Rita, but he was sure Connie wouldn't lie. Not even about a woman she hated. "I'm sorry, Connie. It sounds really tough. But you know I'm on your side, right? You're a great doctor and a great clinical lead. And even though I can't know for sure, I bet you're a great mum too."

Connie smiled slightly. "Now you're overstepping the mark, Jacob. As you always do. But I appreciate what you said. Now let's not speak of it again."

"Understood," said Jacob.

When the door opened and a nurse entered, Connie shot to her feet as though he'd just put a rocket up her delectable backside. "Is there any news?"

"I'm afraid not, Mrs Beauchamp, but there's a young man here. Mr Fairhead's son. He says he's not sure you'd want to see him. Shall I let him in? He does seem distraught."

* * *

Zoe opened her eyes. She could hear noises around her. People were talking and something was being moved. She looked around but could see only darkness. It must be night time, she decided. She could feel something pressing on her skin and deduced from that that she was naked. But she knew she wasn't in bed.

A moment later, she realised she was in pain. Bad pain. She tried to think. Max. Something to do with Max. And Dylan: he was involved in this somewhere too.

"Zoe?" A voice was calling her. A voice she didn't know.

"Hello?" she said.

"Hi, Zoe. My name's Aaron. I'm a fireman, but don't panic: there's no fire. I'm just on rescue duty. How are you feeling?"

Zoe paused to consider the question. "Cold and in pain," she said.

"Don't worry. We'll be with you soon. I've got some blankets to keep you warm and we've got doctors standing by."

"Max?" said Zoe. She was sure Max had been here.

"Max is being treated," said Aaron. "By a Dr Chao, I think she said her name was. I'll let you know any details as soon as I have them. I just need to focus on getting you out of here." There was a smile in his voice. "Max asked us to take special care of his wife and that's what we're going to do."

Zoe gave a tiny gasp. His _wife_. Max had called her his wife. He'd done that after the wedding and at the reception, but not since then. She hadn't expected him to say the word ever again. The only word she'd expected to hear from him was annulment.

"Zoe?" said Aaron, his voice urgent. "Zoe, can you hear me?"

"Just hurry up and get me out!" said Zoe. "I need to see my husband."

* * *

 _Depressed fracture of the skull… pressing on the brain… surgery… ICU…_

Ethan had said the words before. He'd treated the injuries before. He knew what was wrong and what it meant. He knew what treatment was required. But it was so different when it was his brother.

Cal hadn't regained consciousness. Ethan didn't know if he was grateful for that or not. He knew Cal would be in pain if he woke up, but he longed to see Cal's blue eyes again.

 _I can't lose him_ , thought Ethan as he checked Cal's breathing and heart-rate again. _He came in here to save me. I have to save him._

Cal's heart-rate was still slow; his breathing abnormal. His blood pressure was high. Ethan tried to speak but his throat was clogged with tears. He knew he shouldn't be treating Cal. But the idea of leaving him in the hands of someone else filled him with terror.

Cal needed him. And if these were to be Cal's last moments, he needed Ethan even more.

"Dr Hardy?" said the nurse. "Are you okay?"

Ethan couldn't remember her name and unlike Cal, he didn't like checking name badges which were located on women's chests. "I'm fine," he lied.

"You don't have to be okay," she said. "He's obviously a friend of yours."

Ethan couldn't see her anymore. His eyes were flooding with tears. "I'm sorry. Just give me a minute."

He hurried out into the corridor before anyone could tell him he didn't have a minute. He leaned against the wall and sobbed. He knew what he had to do. He had to be there for Cal and help with the surgery.

He just didn't know if he could.

* * *

"I don't want to die," said Dylan.

Lofty didn't think he'd ever been so relieved to hear anything. "You're not going to die, Dylan. You're going to come back down with me and then we're going back to the hospital."

"No-one else lives with a dog," said Dylan. Slowly, he walked towards Lofty.

"No, but that doesn't mean you're not normal," said Lofty. He put his hand on Dylan's back. "What is this 'normal' anyway?"

"Living with a partner, I suppose," said Dylan.

"Then the whole hospital's abnormal," said Lofty. "Ethan and Honey are dating but not living together. Zoe and Max are separated. Me, Robyn, Rita, Charlie, Cal, Lily, Mrs Beauchamp, Noel, Big Mac... we're all single. I think Dixie and Iain are single too. I'm not sure any of us even got a dog."

"I like living with Dervla," said Dylan. "Can it really be wrong when it feels right?"

"Of course it's not wrong." Lofty pushed him gently towards the stairs. "I'm sure she says exactly the same about you. You threw her out for not being able to curb her appetites, but she came crawling back."

"You're an idiot," said Dylan. "I'm glad you're here."

Lofty smiled. "I'm glad I'm here too."


	24. Chapter 24

**ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I love Connie's relationship with Jacob so I enjoyed writing that scene between them. Writing about Louis in this chapter was a lot more difficult so I hope it's okay.

 **Tato Potato** , Yes, Ethan does need to find the honey! Or he could just admit Cal is his brother and get out of treating him, but I don't think he wants to do that. Thank you for your review

 **Tanith Panic** , I won't be writing any romantic scenes for Dylan and Lofty in this story, but there's nothing to stop you from imagining them! I certainly have! Thank you for your review - and for your kind words about the Connie and Jacob scene.

 **Georgy-Girl** , you live alone with TWO dogs? I hope no-one tells Honey... no, I don't agree with Honey at all and I'm definitely on Lofty's side where Dylan's living arrangements are concerned. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lily knew Max had been crushed for about twenty minutes. Fifteen minutes was usually the cut-off point. After that, there was a far greater chance of tissue damage, particularly to the skeletal muscles. In addition, myoglobin would have built up around the muscles. If released suddenly into the circulation, they could cause kidney failure and possibly death.

It had seemed so inhuman not to remove the piece of ceiling that was crushing him; perhaps killing him, but it had to be done slowly. Lily had initiated a saline infusion to help keep Max hydrated and preserve renal function and inserted a catheter. As she worked, she had to fight to push her emotions aside. She usually found it easy. It was different when it was Max.

When Max was finally released and moved to a nearby room, Lily checked that Max was still receiving fluids and then turned to Louise. "Take some bloods, please. Urea and electrolytes, including potassium. Creatinine. Calcium in case of hypocalcaemia. Phosphate, creatine kinase, uric acid. FBC, LFTs and blood gasses. We also need an ECG…"

Lily stopped.

"Lily?" said Louise. "Are you okay?"

This wasn't just another patient. This was Max. The most annoying porter who ever lived.

A porter Lily wanted to keep annoying her for a very long time.

Lily felt her hands clenching into fists.

 _I can't do this. I can't._

* * *

Honey walked carefully along the corridor, balancing two teas precariously on her little tray. It was strange to be back. Not just because of the bomb. Because she'd never expected to come back here at all.

But here she was and that was because Ethan had saved her – and right now, he was upstairs somewhere saving Cal.

Her superhero.

Honey held her tray in one hand and opened the staff room door. Robyn was sitting on the sofa, looking pale and trembly. She looked up as Honey entered.

There was a slight movement about her mouth as though she was trying to smile, but she couldn't quite manage it. Honey wasn't upset. She didn't think she'd be able to smile if Ethan or her dad had been injured.

"Thanks," said Robyn, as she took one of the teas from Honey.

"It's got valerian in," said Honey, as she sat beside Robyn. "It's supposed to calm you down."

Robyn took a cautious sip. "It's nice."

"Now, we've got to think positive thoughts," said Honey. "We've got to channel all our energies on Max. And then he'll be okay. I can feel it."

"The only thing I can feel is fear," said Robyn.

* * *

Zoe pushed Dylan's hand away. "Dylan, for God's sake: do we need to do this now?"

"Yes," said Dylan. He shone his torch into her eyes. "Your pupils are equal and reactive. You seem alert, but I'm not entirely convinced you know your own mind."

On the other side of the bed, Lofty looked like he was trying not to smile. Dylan was surprised. He'd never thought of himself as being funny before. He'd never wanted to be thought of as funny. But he appreciated Lofty's amusement all the same.

Zoe glared at Dylan. "Dylan, my husband is in Resus. He could be dying." Her anger faded and she looked pleadingly up at her friend. "Dylan, please. You know how much I love him. Please let me be with him."

To Dylan's annoyance, her heartfelt words did touch him, but he ignored the feeling. "Zoe, you have a head injury. If I let you go and see Max now, you could deteriorate. He's not going to be very happy if he to discovers you lying dead on the floor of Resus, so please let me do my job."

"I'm not going to die," said Zoe. She sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "I want to be with Max. So get out of my way. You can't force me to receive treatment."

Very reluctantly, Dylan stepped aside. He was hoping that an attempt at standing would convince Zoe not to try walking around, but he knew it was a risk. He knew she could aggravate any undetected injuries.

Zoe put both feet on the floor.

* * *

Connie looked at the pathetic little boy in front of her. The nurse had been correct to say he looked distraught. His eyes were swollen and swimming with tears.

"Punctual as ever," remarked Connie. "Why didn't you come sooner? Too busy shooting up?"

Louis flinched. His voice trembled as he spoke. "I only just found out about it. It was on the news."

"It's a shame you didn't think of checking your mobile for messages," said Connie.

"I didn't get any messages. I checked straight away."

Connie looked at him doubtfully. The hospital had been chaos until Lily had taken control and she knew it was possible that no-one had informed Louis. "If you weren't informed, Louis, then I can only apologise. I was trapped in the ED, along with most of our doctors. It was, quite simply, chaos, but nevertheless, I do apologise for any oversight."

"It really was chaos," said Jacob, who was standing just a smidgen too close to Connie's side. To her irritation, she actually quite appreciated his protectiveness, but she was determined he would never know.

"How is he?" said Louis. His voice was small and wavery.

"Your father: the man you've barely visited for the entirety of his stay in hospital?" said Connie. "Or perhaps you mean the young doctor whose life you could have ended tragically early?"

"My dad," said Louis. "But I didn't mean to hurt Ethan. I really didn't. I liked that doctor. He was kind to me."

"Yes," said Connie. "He was probably kinder to you than anyone in the hospital – except your father."

Louis looked at the floor. "I want to make things right. I do. But I don't think I'm good enough for him. He deserves better than me and it's just so hard. Being with him is hard."

"He does deserve better than you," said Connie cuttingly. "But you're his son and he still believes in you despite everything. So here's your challenge, Louis."

"Challenge?" said Louis.

"Prove to your father that he's right and you're worth it," said Connie. "And prove me wrong."

* * *

Ethan held Cal's hand tightly as he thrashed about on the bed. He knew that in only a few minutes, the anaesthetic would take effect, but it seemed like hours to Ethan. "It's okay, Cal. It's going to be okay."

Cal had regained consciousness during intubation and had tried to fight the procedure, but the sound of Ethan's voice had seemed to calm him a bit. Ethan was now holding Cal's bad hand – the wrist supported but not yet treated - while the nurse held the other.

Ethan's breath caught as Cal's eyes filled with tears. He looked desperately at Ethan, unable to communicate whatever he wanted to say. Ethan spoke as calmly as he could. "It's going to be all right, Cal. We're going to make you better. You can probably feel the anaesthetic starting to work now – don't try to fight it. You know I'm here and I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

He hated saying that. He didn't know if it was true. But he couldn't let Cal know his fears. He wanted Cal to feel safe, even if these were his last moments. Especially if these were his last moments.

He felt Cal's hand starting to relax. Two tears fell from Cal's eyes. Ethan wanted to wipe them away but didn't due to Cal's facial injuries. He gently stroked Cal's hand, careful not to go too close to the wrist. Ethan suspected a fracture to the triquetrum, but the head injury had to be treated first.

He could tell the sedative was beginning to overpower Cal now. Ethan kept stroking his hand until Cal was still. He hadn't disclosed his relationship to Cal because he wanted to be able to treat him. It was Ethan's fault this had happened and he believed he should be the one to put it right.

If that was possible.


	25. Chapter 25

**Georgy-Girl** , I'm not sure what a chihuahua would count as if not a dog! Thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the update.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review - it's lovely that you're enjoying all the different storylines. It would be awful if Zoe had to spend months in hospital - she's a terrible patient! Every story needs a good Cal/Ethan scene. I hope this chapter has another!

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you enjoyed it. I know everyone talks about caring Cal and quite rightly, but I love a bit of caring Ethan too!

 **ETWentHome** , I think Lily can do pretty much anything! Possibly even marry Ethan (though not in this story). I'm still trying to decide if I should kill Cal. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lofty watched anxiously as Dylan helped Zoe back onto the bed. Her collapse seemed to have been caused by nothing more than an injured ankle – though of course some ankle injuries could be very problematic – but Lofty couldn't help worrying Dylan might question his decision to let her try to get up and blame himself for the result.

"Why can't you just leave me alone?" grumbled Zoe as Dylan bent to examine her ankle. "I'm sure the others would have let me go. But you've always got to fuss around with your silly little checklists…"

Lofty saw Dylan's hand shake slightly and leapt in to defend him. "I'm not sure Mrs Beauchamp or Dr Chao would even have considered letting you go to Max. Dr Knight and Dr Hardy might have let you try, but when you collapsed, they'd have done exactly the same as Dr Keogh."

"Good thing we've only got six doctors," said Zoe. "Or we'd be here all night. Unless you'd like to go through all the nurses' reactions as well. You're as bad as Dylan's with all your lists! Maybe you need therapy too."

"Please don't speak to our nursing staff like that," said Dylan. "I'm sorry, Ben."

Lofty smiled and said he was fine. He knew Zoe too well to be hurt by her words and he was far more worried about Dylan. He knew how the smallest throwaway comment could get into your head when you were vulnerable and make you think all kinds of things. It frightened him to think what Zoe's comments might do to Dylan.

"There is some swelling and bruising," said Dylan, "and judging from your reaction to putting weight on it, a fracture is very likely. I'll arrange for a scan. Ben, please continue to monitor Zoe's vital signs."

Lofty nodded and experienced both relief and panic as Dylan left. If Dylan was gone, Zoe could no longer hurt him, but he couldn't help thinking it was dangerous to let Dylan go off on his own. Lofty had been shocked when Dylan had pronounced himself fit to treat Zoe and although Dylan now seemed calm, it was possible he was hiding his true feelings.

He checked Zoe's readings again. Her temperature and oxygen levels were normal and although her heart-rate and blood pressure were a little raised, that was easily attributable to her concern for Max.

"So, you and Max are back together then?" asked Lofty, to fill the silence.

Zoe looked exasperated. "Lofty, we were in my office with no clothes on. What do you think?"

* * *

Charlie kept on walking towards the light. He knew exactly what it meant and he felt surprisingly calm. Maybe it really was time to go this time. After another heart attack, there was a fair chance he wouldn't be able to continue working, and his life just wouldn't be the same without the hospital.

He did feel a pang at not seeing Louis again, but perhaps he'd done all he could. Some people were beyond help, or at least beyond Charlie's help. Perhaps he could do more for Louis by watching over him from above – if such a thing proved possible – rather than by trying to help and making it worse.

Then he heard a voice.

He recognised the voice, but even if he hadn't, he'd have known from the word.

"Dad?"

"Louis." Charlie turned and hurried towards him. "What are you doing here? Are you…"

"I heard on the TV," said Louis. "I went to the hospital and they told me you were here."

 _But what happened?_ thought Charlie. _Why are you here with me now? Was there an accident?_

"I was so scared," said Louis. "I shouldn't have left you today."

Charlie wanted to hug him but wasn't sure how Louis would react. "It wouldn't have made any difference to what happened. It would have been one more person for me to worry about."

"But I'm here now," said Louis. "I know I've been a bad son. I don't know if I could ever be a good one. But I am here and I need you. I need you to get better. I need myself to get better and I can't do it without you."

* * *

Ethan had watched surgical procedures before, but it was different when it was his brother. He felt physical pain when he saw burr holes being drilled in Cal's skull and he felt slightly queasy when the fragments and bone dust were put in saline. When the surgeon used a dissector to dissect the dura, he thought he might have to leave the room, but then he remembered his promise to Cal. He would stay. The sick bowls were only a few feet away and he would use one if necessary.

Poor Cal. He'd been so confused and frightened in pain and Ethan didn't know if he'd ever be the same again. There were lots of features of Cal's personality which he thought he would have loved to change, but all he wanted now was his brother back exactly as he had been. Ethan longed to see him lying drunkenly on the sofa, completely naked with a girl on top of him with clothes and the remains of a pizza strewn over the floor.

The realisation that he was dreaming about seeing his brother naked almost made him laugh. In the circumstances, it made his eyes flood with tears, but he blinked them away.

He watched as the surgeon inserted the elevator. "I think we can just lift these up, Dr Hardy."

"Okay," said Ethan, his heart lifting slightly. If it worked, Cal wouldn't need a craniotomy. Then he could get on with x-raying and setting Cal's wrist. "And then he'll be all right?"

"No… no, on second thoughts, I'm not sure this is going to work. He needs a craniotomy. After that… well, you know we can't be sure, Dr Hardy. Caleb will go into intensive care and then it's a matter of time."

* * *

Robyn jumped as the staff room door opened. When she saw who it was, she was filled with disappointment. She knew it was too early to hear anything about Max, but she wanted so much for someone to come through the door with good news.

"Robyn, how are you doing?" asked Big Mac gently.

"I don't know," said Robyn. One moment, with Honey's encouragement, she'd almost felt hope. The next, she was plunged back into despair.

"We're sending Max positive thoughts," said Honey.

Big Mac smiled sympathetically at Robyn. "That's good. I'm sure you'll hear some news soon. I think Lily's on it and I think they've got a consultant from upstairs to help her."

"Yeah, he's got to know what he's doing," said Honey.

Robyn nodded, trying to convince herself. "And so does Lily. She's really good. She's conscientious. She's not easily distracted. She doesn't let emotion get in the way. If anyone can do it, Lily can."

"And if she can't do it, obviously no-one could have done it, so it's all good," said Honey. "Or... maybe not all good, but…" She hugged Robyn. "You know what I mean!"

Robyn did know. But it didn't help.

* * *

"Right: we'll do a forced mannitol-alkaline diuresis," said Lily. "This could help to protect the kidneys through the enhancement of renal perfusion, reduce the risk of hyperkalaemia and may also reduce the reperfusion-related components of this injury."

Louise didn't understand all of this, but she didn't have to understand it. She watched admiringly as Lily gave orders, but she was also on her guard. Lily was a good doctor, but today had shown that her confidence wasn't as high as Louise had always assumed.

A beep alerted Louise to a change in Max's condition. "Lily, his blood pressure's dropping."

"It could be disseminated intravascular coagulation," said Lily. "Have his bloods come back yet? That will give us more of an idea. If his platelet count is low, he could need a plasma transfusion. I would also like heparin on standby to prevent clotting, please."

"Shall I go and see if I can hurry the bloods through?" said Louise.

Lily gave a brisk nod, her attention almost entirely on Max. "Go and find someone else who can do it for you and then come back here, please."

Louise touched Lily's arm. "Will you be all right?"

Lily raised her eyebrows. "I am not the one who is in danger of renal failure and death."

That wasn't quite what Louise had meant, but she was reassured by Lily's reply. Lily was dealing with this, like the excellent doctor Louise knew her to be.

"I'll be back in a minute," said Louise.

"See that you are," answered Lily.


	26. Chapter 26

I'm sorry I didn't update yesterday - I'm making three or four updates a day at the moment and I'm finding it really difficult to keep up with them all. Thank you for the amazing reviews!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. It really is amazing that you're enjoying all the different storylines so much. A lot of people don't like Louis, but I really want to believe there's hope for him. I'm not sure how Ethan would cope if Cal dies - but I need to work it out if I'm going to write it!

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm glad you're going to forgive Lofty - I think he does have a naïve side to him, but he can also be the most insightful person in the hospital. Robyn would be the perfect friend - she's sweet, kind, and maybe she'd introduce me to Cal and Ethan! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , Max probably has suffered enough lately, though I still might kill him if the mood takes me. I had to keep Ethan with Cal - can you imagine how much everyone would complain if I denied them a chance of brotherly fluff? Thank you for your review!

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you like the way I write Lily. She is quite a difficult character to write, but completely fascinating. I'd definitely like to write more about her in the future.

* * *

Connie paced up and down the relatives' room. At first, she'd tried to pretend she was striding about in a commanding manner (though obviously not in a way designed to attract Jacob's attention), but now she was definitely pacing.

"Sit down!" said Jacob. "You're making me tired just looking at you."

"Oh, so you do get tired?" said Connie.

"Oh, yes," said Jacob. His eyes met hers. "And when I get tired, there's only one thing I can do: go to bed."

Connie met his eyes with almost perfect composure. "Don't let me stop you. I'll be fine. I won't miss you." She sat down and turned pointedly away.

Jacob laughed. "That's what all the girls say when they're playing hard to get."

"I'm not playing," said Connie.

Jacob's voice was serious. "Neither am I."

The door opened. "Connie and Jacob, isn't it?"

Connie looked up. Her lips parted to say she was Mrs Beauchamp, but the expression on the nurse's face stopped her. It was an expression she knew well.

She shot to her feet. "Oh God: has something happened to Charlie?"

She felt Jacob's hand on her arm and decided it would be cruel to shake it off. Jacob was probably really worried.

The nurse shook her head sadly. "No, it's not Charlie. He's doing very well and his son is obviously a great comfort to him."

If Connie weren't a lady, she would certainly have snorted.

"It's Rita, Connie." The nurse's gaze was sympathetic. "We did everything we could, but I'm afraid we lost her. I'm very sorry to be giving you such sad news."

* * *

Honey looked up as Lily entered. She heard a soft gasp from Robyn and felt the nurse shrinking against her.

"Come on, Lily," said Honey. "Do your worst."

Lily gave her an icy look. "While I would not wish to promote false hope, I do understand the necessity of being kind to the relatives of patients."

Honey was slightly annoyed to discover Lily had a point. "Good for you. It's good you get the chance to learn things like that now you're on the register."

" _Registrar_!" Lily's glare could have turned a lesser woman to stone.

"On the registra: that's what I said," said Honey. She frowned. "Does that even make sense?"

"It does not," said Lily.

"Please," said Robyn as her eyes desperately fixed on Lily. "Please tell me."

Lily sat beside Robyn. "Max is alive. He has avoided renal failure. He also had a pneumothorax which has been treated with a chest drain. He has four fractured ribs, which will take perhaps ten weeks to mend, but I predict a full recovery."

Robyn's face lit up. "Thank you, Lily!" She flung her arms around the surprised… was it regeesta? To rhyme with barista? Honey decided this wasn't the time to ask.

"You're welcome, Nurse Miller," said Lily, her back very stiff. "I will let you know when you can see him. Zoe is seeing him first as she is his wife."

Robyn's expression darkened. "That's a matter of opinion."

"How's Ethan and Cal doing?" asked Honey, partly to change the subject and partly because she wanted to know.

"Cal has had a craniotomy and is now in intensive care," said Lily.

"Intensive care?" said Honey. "Isn't that for people who are in, like, comas?"

"It is for people who are critically ill," said Lily. "Some are comatose. Cal is sedated. His pulmonary system has failed so he is using a ventilator. I believe Ethan is with him."

"Oh, I love ventilators," said Honey. "They give such a nice, cool breeze. What's wrong with his hands, though?"

Lily frowned. "His hands? I believe he has a fractured triquetrum and also a fractured zygomatic bone."

"Trick what?" said Honey. "Is that one of his ribs? Men have false ribs, don't they? Because God made a woman out of it? And what were you saying about the zygons? Is Cal possessed?"

"Of course he's not possessed," snapped Lily.

"And what's wrong with his palms?" said Honey.

"There is nothing wrong with his palms."

Honey was confused. "But you said his palmistry system failed."

Robyn touched her arm gently. She was a bit tearful, but she managed to smile at Honey. "The pulmonary system is the lungs. Cal's lungs aren't working at the moment so he's using a machine called a ventilator to help him breathe, but he'll be able to breathe again soon. He's also broken a zygomatic bone, which is his cheekbone, and his triquetrum, which is a bone in his wrist." Robyn sniffed, then spoke bravely. "You can go up and see Ethan if you want. He probably needs a bit of support. I'll be fine."

Honey was torn. She felt mean about leaving Robyn, but she knew Ethan would need her. Ethan was a superhero, but he loved his brother.

* * *

"Here we are," said Lofty as they finally reached Resus.

Zoe felt relief, then panic. She was used to seeing people attached to machines with tubes coming out of various parts of their anatomy, but this was Max. "I don't think I can do this."

Lofty knelt in front of her wheelchair. "We don't have to go in if you're not ready. But you're one of the bravest women I've ever met, Zoe Hanna, and I believe you can do this."

"I suppose I did marry Max," said Zoe with a shaky laugh. "Despite his mother. If I can do that, I'm game for anything."

She flinched slightly as she remembered that 'being game for anything' was part of the problem.

Lofty, fortunately, either didn't notice what she'd said or was too tactful to respond. "Exactly: you wouldn't catch me marrying Max!" said Lofty. An awkward look came over his face. "No offence. But marrying your best mate… it doesn't really appeal."

"It's okay," said Zoe. "I love Tess to bits, but I don't think I'd want to marry her. Even though I'm sure I couldn't find a better wife." She looked at the doors of Resus again and breathed deeply. "Okay. I can do this. I'm ready."

Lofty smiled and rested his hands briefly on hers. "Then let's do it."

* * *

Dylan was fine to begin with. His priority was to treat the patient.

Even when the meaning of Zoe's words began to penetrate his mind, he hadn't been upset. He'd simply noted the fact that the words had been said and that it hadn't prevented him from doing his job. Although by most doctors' standards, it was a small thing, Dylan was sufficiently accepting of his condition to understand that this was a positive sign which perhaps even counted as a small achievement.

He made a mental note to tell Ben Harding about it in his next session.

Then he'd started thinking about what the words really meant.

Zoe had said his checklists were silly. She'd poked fun at the fact he was in therapy. Zoe was supposed to be his friend.

Was she his friend?

Dylan found some paper and a pen and wrote two lists. The first list contained Zoe's continued attempts to persuade him to confide in her; arranging therapy sessions and taking the time to talk to him about them; her requests to Connie to give Dylan more time; her insistence that no-one but Dylan could give her away at her wedding.

The second list said that although the above conversations with Zoe had always started well, 75% of them had ended in Zoe getting impatient and cross. And his response to finding Zoe in tears on his boat was probably more supportive than her response to seeing him collapsed on the floor of Resus, covered in blood.

The first list was longer, but it had four items. Dylan did know, some of the time, that four was just a number and coincidences did happen, but now he was starting to worry.

The more he worried, the more irrational his thoughts became. He realised he was heading for a meltdown and stopped for a moment, trying to think of his coping strategies.

One coping strategy stood out above all others.

Talking to Lofty.

* * *

Ethan sat beside Cal, holding his hand and trying not to cry. He'd kept control when he'd had to. He'd treated Cal's wrist and facial injuries; he'd assisted the surgeon when requested; and he'd helped him transfer Cal to the intensive care unit.

But now, all he could do was sit beside Cal and wait. The ventilator was breathing for him and the intracranial monitor was recording the pressure in Cal's skull, ready to alert the nurse attending him if there were any changes.

"Caleb," said Ethan, as a tear rolled down his cheek. "I'm sorry. It's all my fault. I know I might have to say all this again when you wake up and maybe it's cowardly of me to say it to you now when you can't reply, but I can't just pretend it didn't happen." He wiped the tear away with his hand. "Cal, I wasn't in the hospital when the bomb scare happened. I got a text from Honey saying she was moving back to Manchester with another man. I did something you would never have done: I left without telling anyone. As soon as I heard about the incident, I came back to the hospital, but I was too late. You were already in there. In danger. Because of me." Ethan sobbed as more tears fell. "You even turned your back on Taylor because I meant more to you. I know we don't always get on, but when I need someone to protect me, you're always there. You're my safety net and my hero, and I couldn't manage without you. I'm so, so sorry." Ethan stroked Cal's hand as the tears overwhelmed him. "I love you, Cal."


	27. Chapter 27

**CBloom2** , I couldn't let Ethan be in that position without telling Cal he loved him! Now I've just got to decide if I can bear to kill Cal off... to be honest, I'm not sure I could do that to Ethan or to myself! Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I wasn't going to kill anyone at first - I just wanted to write four or five chapters to fill in the gap between episodes, after which everything would continue as it did in the series. But this story has taken on a life of its own and nothing will be the same!

 **20BlueRoses** , I don't know how I do it! My brain is fried! I'm so relieved you don't think the standard's dropped. I decided to kill Rita because I wanted it to be a bit unexpected - and of course, she isn't in the best ED in Holby. There will be brotherly scenes - I won't be able to help myself! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , I love Cal and Ethan too (as I'm sure you know) so I need to keep them together! Cal needs Ethan, and Ethan couldn't cope with being away from Cal, which is how we like it! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. Honey is very useful when a bit of light relief is needed. Lofty's comforting ways make him not so much useful as essential - he's in this chapter quite a lot! I never enjoy sad scenes either, so I know what you mean - but I wouldn't want to be without them!

* * *

The door opened, but Ethan kept staring at Cal, tears streaming down his face.

"Ethan!" Honey put her arms tightly around him. "Don't cry! He's going to be fine. Lily said."

Ethan sniffled. "We don't know that. No-one knows that." He felt Honey trying to push his head into her shoulder, but he didn't want to take his eyes off Cal. "It was my fault, Honey."

"Of course it wasn't!" Honey sounded upset too. "Why would you say that? You didn't give that guy the bomb, did you?"

"It was my fault Cal went in there," sobbed Ethan. He wiped his nose on a tissue the nurse had given him. "And if anything happens to him…"

Honey caught Ethan's face in her hands and turned his head away from Cal. "Nothing's going to happen to him. I've got a _feeling_."

Ethan wished he could believe her. He wanted so much for something to hold on to. A bit of hope. But he knew that even if Cal survived, he could be brain damaged. If so, he wouldn't be able to work as a doctor anymore. He might not even be able to go to the loo without Ethan's help.

Cal needed a miracle, but Ethan didn't believe in them.

He didn't object this time when Honey held his head against his shoulder, though he didn't let go of Cal's hand.

"I'll be here for you, Cal," he sobbed. "Always. Forever."

Then he felt something.

The tiniest pressure from Cal's hand.

* * *

Robyn looked up anxiously as the door opened. "How is he?"

"Zoe's with him now," said Louise.

"I don't see why she gets to see him first!" Robyn's eyes filled again. "You don't know what she did, Louise. She's got no right to call herself his wife."

Louise sat beside Robyn. "I'm not going to lie. Everyone's noticed there's something going on with Max and Zoe. But they're back together now, and if Max can forget about what she did…"

"Then I'm never going to forgive _him_!" Robyn cried hysterically.

Louise hugged her. "Maybe this doesn't help, but when a crisis like this happens, sometimes it helps people to realise what's really important?"

"But… but she cheated on him!" wailed Robyn. "On her hen night."

"Oh my God!" said Louise. "I'm not saying it never crossed my mind, but seriously… are you sure?"

Robyn glared at her. "That's what Max said and I hardly think he'd make it up!"

Louise still looked stunned. "But if Max has decided to forgive her… well, it's his choice, isn't it?"

Robyn's voice was hard. "And if I don't forgive her – or him – that's my choice too."

* * *

Connie was visibly trembling. Jacob slid an arm around her waist. "Come on, Connie. Let's sit down."

The fact she did what he said instantly, without question, showed how deeply the news had affected her. Jacob was determined not to show it, but he was upset too. He hadn't known Rita for very long, but he liked and admired her.

"If you'd like to see her…" said the nurse awkwardly.

Connie said nothing, her eyes fixed on her hands.

"Maybe give us a minute?" said Jacob. He moved his hand up and down Connie's back. She didn't shake him off. "It's been a shock."

The nurse's face became still more sympathetic. "Of course," she said in a gentle voice. "I'll come back in ten minutes. Shall I make you some tea before I go?"

Connie's head moved jerkily from side to side. Jacob hesitated, knowing Connie would hate to have her wishes discounted. "Maybe later.. Thank you."

When the nurse withdrew, he turned back to his clinical lead.

Not that she seemed much like a clinical lead now.

She turned tortured eyes to his face. "If I'd gone for help…" Connie's voice trembled.

"You couldn't walk," said Jacob. He took one of Connie's cold hands in his. "And you know how stubborn Rita is. She wouldn't stay where she was just because you told her to."

"I should have made her stay," said Connie, her eyes full of tears.

Jacob tried not to think about how beautiful and how vulnerable she looked. "I'm sure you did everything you could. Don't forget you're injured too and it's tough being in charge when something like this happened. You were magnificent as always, but it's going to affect even you."

A tear started to run down Connie's cheek. She dashed it quickly away. " _Even_ me? Do you think I'm so heartless, Jacob?"

"You wouldn't be so upset if you were heartless," said Jacob. He stroked her hand. "But I never thought you were heartless, Connie." He drew her gently into his arms and stroked her long, lustrous hair. It just as he'd imagined it might feel.

Connie leaned against him for a moment, her breath coming in little gasps that were almost sobs, but then she sat up and brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I need to see her."

"In a minute," said Jacob.

"Now," said Connie.

* * *

Zoe almost didn't recognise him. She was used to seeing all the machines and tubes, but she wasn't prepared for this. She gave a tiny gasp and felt Lofty's hand on her shoulder.

There was so much she wanted to say, but her mind seemed frozen. Love and fear and regret swirled around inside her and might have knocked her over if she hadn't been seated in the wheelchair. "Max," was all she could say as she lightly touched one of the very small pieces of skin that didn't seem bruised. "Max…"

Lofty squeezed her shoulder. "Let me know if you want a moment alone with him, but you know I'm more than happy to stay."

Zoe lifted a shaky hand up to the hand on her shoulder. She wondered if Lofty would have been this kind if he'd known what she had done. Perhaps he would. Lofty wasn't quick to judge and he always wanted to comfort those who were suffering. "I'd like…" Her voice was choked with tears; she stopped and cleared her throat. "I'd like a moment alone with him if that's okay."

"Of course," said Lofty compassionately. "Would you mind if I went to check on Robyn and Dylan or would you like me to hang around?"

Panic filled Zoe at the thought of being alone with the man who no longer seemed like Max, but she couldn't forget the things she'd said to Dylan. "Tell Dylan I'm sorry. Tell Robyn she can see him soon."

"Of course I will," said Lofty.

* * *

Lofty had seen many things he'd never expected to see today; things he hoped he'd never see again. He'd reached the stage where he thought nothing would surprise him, but nevertheless, he was shocked when he saw Lily's worried expression relax into relief at the sight of him.

"Lofty, I'm so glad I've found you."

"What's happened?" asked Lofty gently.

"It's Dylan," said Lily. "He's outside."

Lofty felt dread in the pit of the stomach.

"He is distressed," said Lily. "Tremors; diaphoresis; dyspnea; signs of impending lacrimation. He asked for you."

"Thanks, Lily." Lofty hurried past her. He gave a small part of his mind to wondering why Lily couldn't say shaking, 'sweating, difficulty breathing and trying not to cry', as anyone else would. But mostly, he was worried about Dylan.

Dylan was sitting on a bench with a piece of paper on his lap. On it were scribbled two lists. Lofty recognised the word 'Zoe' but not much else.

Lofty sat beside him. "Lily said you wanted me, but I was looking for you anyway."

"What does Zoe think of me?" Dylan's eyes looked dry, but he was definitely shaking and his forehead was damp.

"She thinks you're a very good friend and she trusts you," said Lofty.

Dylan nodded. "She tried very hard to help me and she asked me to give her away."

"You see?" said Lofty.

"There wasn't anyone else who could give her away."

Lofty smiled. "There was me. But you should have seen Zoe's face when Robyn suggested it! She only wanted you, Dylan."

"Really?" said Dylan, as though the answer really mattered.

Lofty rested his hand briefly on Dylan's arm. "Really."

Dylan nodded and his breathing slowed. "She did a lot for me. She talked to Connie."

Lofty gave a gentle smile. "She talked to Connie? That was brave of her. She must really think a lot of you if she's prepared to risk her life like that!"

He stopped, appalled. He shouldn't be joking about risking lives. Not now.

"Dylan, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

"Don't be silly, Ben," said Dylan with a touch of exasperation. "I know exactly what you meant and no-one else heard so why all this guilt? You made a joke. Granted, it wasn't very funny, but it was harmless."

The words comforted Lofty more than Dylan could know.

"I don't think Zoe meant anything either," said Lofty. "She asked me to tell you she was sorry."

"Is she with Max?" said Dylan.

"Yes," said Lofty. "She's a bit shocked. I didn't really want to leave her, but she asked me to."

Dylan was silent, digesting his words. "She's going to need me, isn't she?" he said.

Lofty nodded. "She's going to need all her friends. But she's especially going to need you."


	28. Chapter 28

**Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. Ethan really needs support at the moment. I'm not sure who's had the worst day, but nearly losing Cal and Honey (if in different ways) getting into a fight and running from the police probably puts him up there!

 **chloeshdw** , I felt like I should kill someone after all those hints! But I won't necessarily stop at one. Thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're enjoying it.

 **CBloom2** , it's natural to have favourite characters and I _completely_ understand about being more interested in Cal and Ethan than the other characters. I'm just glad you're enjoying it. Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Connie does blame herself - she's usually so professional, but occasionally, there are cracks. Thank you for your review - I'm happy you're enjoying it.

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you liked the Dylan and Lofty scene. I really love that they have so many scenes together so much in the series now.

 **Tanith Panic** , Robyn always seems so sweet and gentle, but she does seem to have trouble forgiving people sometimes. Maybe when she's calmed down a bit, she'll see sense! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , that's a brilliant idea about Cal and Max! The only problem is they won't necessarily both be in a position to do that. Thank you for your review - I'm really pleased you're enjoying it.

* * *

Max could hear someone calling him. Just his name, over and over again, like a wave of sound. It sounded like it came from a long way away, but he could feel pressure on his hand and immediately knew who was holding it. It was a hand that had held his in many ways, but never as gently; as carefully as it was doing now. As though he might break apart.

As he felt himself floating upwards, the explanation for Zoe's tender hold became clear. He was in pain: terrible, excruciating pain which he wasn't sure he'd experienced even after a heavy night of drinking. Besides, the pain wasn't coming from his head. That was almost the only part of him that didn't hurt.

His eyes opened and he looked up to see the hospital ceiling. He was in bed. He was hurt. Zoe was here. He didn't know much beyond that, but if he had to be injured, he was in the right place with the right person.

He tried to speak, but his throat felt dry and unused. He wondered how long he'd been unconscious. "Zoe," he croaked, and heard his name again, this time in the midst of a sob. "Pain," he added, this being the second-most important thing on his mind.

"Dylan?" said Zoe. "Give him some pain relief!"

"Of course," said Dylan's voice. "Max, on a scale of one to ten-"

"Oh, just give him the strongest you've got!" said Zoe.

Dylan's voice was disapproving. "Zoe, you know the dangers of giving too much morphine. If the dosage is insufficient, it can always be increased. Max, on a scale of one to ten, how severe would you say the pain is?"

"Five?" said Max, not wanting to upset Zoe.

"Only five? That's excellent."

Zoe sounded exasperated. "Dylan, of course he doesn't mean five! He's only saying that so he doesn't upset me."

Max smiled despite the pain. He and Zoe knew one another so well.

"All right: I'll start with a small increase and see how you respond," said Dylan.

"What happened?" said Max.

"We'll talk about that in a minute," said Dylan.

Max felt a wave of panic. He tried to sit up but was assaulted by the pain.

"It's okay, Max," said Zoe. "It's going to be okay."

Max could hear the emotion in her voice even as she tried to reassure him. "Yes… as long as… we're still getting married… it's okay."

"Oh my God," said Zoe.

* * *

Charlie could feel the light on his back. It seemed to be drawing him backwards, away from Louis. He wanted to fight it but didn't know if he had the strength. He had fought for so long, against so many odds.

"Come on, Dad. You can do it," said Louis.

Charlie felt Louis' hand gripping his.

"Yes, that's it! That's it!" said Louis. "You can do it. I know you can do it. If you don't want to come back for me, come back for that woman who came in with you. Rita something? And that scary brunette woman is in the relatives' room with some nurse guy. She seemed quite upset."

"It's not just me they're worried about," said Charlie. "They tried to hide it from me, of course, but I know there are people still in the building. Younger people. Doctors and nurses near the start of their lives and careers."

"I don't even know if you can hear me," said Louis. "I could be sitting here talking to myself really. But I've got to try, haven't I?"

 _I can hear you… but you can't hear me… does that mean Louis isn't really in front of me?_

As Charlie wondered what that meant, the image of Louis fell away.

Everything fell away.

* * *

"Ethan, are you okay?" said Honey.

Ethan realised he was holding his breath. He released it very slowly. "He squeezed my hand."

"See? Told you he was okay," said Honey.

Ethan worked himself out of his stunned state and spoke to Cal again. "Caleb, if you can hear me, can you squeeze my hand again, please?"

Cal squeezed his hand.

"I felt it!" Ethan blinked back more tears.

"Ethan…" It was only a whisper, but Ethan heard it. He watched as Cal's eyelids fluttered and then opened fully.

"Cal?" said Ethan as the tears flowed again.

"I heard… I forgive you." Cal closed his eyes again. "Doesn't matter."

"Cal? Cal, don't go back to sleep!" begged Ethan. "Squeeze my hand again, Cal? Please?"

Cal didn't respond.

* * *

Lily entered the staff room to encounter a sight she never expected to see: Lofty and Robyn having an argument.

"She cheated on my brother!" wailed Robyn. "How am I supposed to forgive her for that?"

"Max has forgiven her," said Lofty.

Robyn sniffed loudly. "Then he's stupid, isn't she? How can he go back to her, knowing what she's capable of? People like that never change. They just do it again and again. You're supposed to be Max's mate!"

Lofty nodded. "I am Max's mate. Max has made the decision to get back with Zoe and because I'm his mate, I'm going to support him. And if it does go wrong again-"

"-which it will!" interjected Robyn.

"-which it might, then I'll be there to support him."

Robyn's voice rose to a shriek. "Oh, what would you understand about any of it? Like you've ever loved anyone."

Lily walked over to them. "I think you both need to calm down," she said sternly. "It is a very upsetting situation for everyone, but arguing doesn't help. Our first concern should be for Max's physical wellbeing. If this interests you, I would be pleased to give you an update."

She watched as Robyn hung her head. Lofty gave Lily an apologetic look.

"How is he?" said Robyn softly.

"Max has regained consciousness," said Lily. "He has been given pain relief and so far there are no signs that he has suffered any complications. It will be a slow and difficult recovery and he will need a lot of support from his family and his friends. I'm sure it would also help Max if you could refrain from killing one another. We have been very fortunate today not to lose a member of our hospital. I would like to keep it that way."

Her voice trembled just slightly during the last sentence, but Lily found she was grateful for, rather than annoyed by, Lofty's look of silent compassion.

Lily paused for a moment, then sat beside Robyn. "At present, we have no physical cause for concern and his spirits seem good. He has some difficulty in speaking as he finds breathing slightly painful, but we hope this will be alleviated by the pain relief and this will of course be temporary." She put her hand clumsily on Robyn's arm. "We do have one slight cause for concern: Max appears to have lost a portion of his memory. He believes the wedding has not yet taken place."

Robyn gasped and looked at Lofty.

"Do you think his memory will return?" asked Lofty.

"It is impossible to say," said Lily. "There was no sign of a severe head injury, though he will have another scan to be on the safe side. Dr Keogh and I believe it is possible that his loss of memory is a reaction to the fact he has only recently regained consciousness and was then almost immediately given pain relief, which can cause drowsiness." Lily paused. "If you'd like to see him, you can come with me now."

* * *

Connie looked down at the tiny figure on the bed. There were many adjectives that she'd used to describe Rita over the time they'd worked together (or perhaps 'failed to work together' would be a more accurate description), but none of those words came to mind now. The first thing that struck Connie about Rita was how beautiful she looked. How fragile and vulnerable. Connie had always thought of her as quite a hard, aggressive person, but she could see no signs of that now.

 _Is it death that changed her?_ wondered Connie. _Or was she always this way and I just didn't know?_

She felt Jacob's hand squeezing her shoulder.

"She looks so… small," blurted Connie.

"I know," said Jacob.

Connie extended her hand slowly towards Rita's, which lay on top of the blankets. She'd touched the dead many times. Some of them were friends. Yet to touch Rita now, to extend the hand of friendship when Rita had nothing more to give, filled her with a sense of desolation that was new to her.

She felt as though she should say something but didn't know what. Sentences entered her mind, only to be immediately dismissed as trite or self-pitying or simply wrong. So instead she looked at Rita and held her hand and felt glad to have known her. Then, after some time had passed, she slowly let go and turned to Jacob. "Can we go now?" she whispered.

Jacob smiled sadly and brushed tears from her cheeks she hadn't known were there. "Whatever you say, Connie."

"We'll go and see Charlie: get an update," said Connie tremulously. "Then we'll go back."

Jacob nodded. "But you won't be going back alone."


	29. Chapter 29

_I wanted to update all the storylines in this chapter, but once I'd written it, I realised it was twice as long as it needed to be. So I'm afraid I've cut it into two. As Chapter 30 is already written, it will be posted tomorrow - probably in the afternoon unless there's an emergency or I read it through and decide it's not ready to be posted._

 **Tanith** **Panic** , I hope it was an enjoyable rollercoaster and not just terrifying! I'm afraid you'll have to wait to find out about Cal, but I do have a proper medical explanation for it. Yes, we know who Lofty loves! Thank you for your review.

 **Georgy-Girl** , I'm sorry it took me so long to update - I used to be several chapters ahead of my updates, but now I'm usually writing the chapters on the day they're due to be posted. I'm hoping I can get back to my old ways! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I think any more than two deaths would be a bit excessive, but that does mean I could kill someone else off if I want to. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

 **CBloom2** , someone told me that if I was going to kill Cal off, he needed to forgive Ethan first. So now he's forgiven Ethan! There's no Cal in this chapter so I understand if you don't have time to read it, but I always love receiving your reviews - thank you!

 **20BlueRoses** , if someone else was writing this story, I'd be ignoring the possibility of Cal not recovering too. There might or might not be repercussions for Connie... no, I'm not teasing you. I genuinely haven't decided! Thank you for your review.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. I was a bit nervous about writing Connie's feelings so I'm really glad it worked for you! Even if Max's memory loss is permanent, I imagine someone will fill him in. Poor Max. Maybe he'd rather I'd killed him.

* * *

Robyn entered Resus nervously. She didn't know what she was dreading most: seeing Max or seeing the slapper he'd married.

Max was lying very still. He looked smaller than usual and much more fragile. There were machines and wires, of course: Robyn had expected that, but she still wasn't prepared. She gave a tiny gasp and reminded herself not to cry. She had to support Max now. She had to be strong.

As Robyn approached, Zoe lifted a tearstained face.

"I've come to see my brother," said Robyn.

Zoe nodded and stood up. "I'll be back soon, Max."

"I love you," said Max.

"I love you too," said Zoe.

"Yeah, right!" said Robyn.

She waited until Zoe had gone, then she sat on the chair her sister-in-law ( _no, that's not something I want to think about!_ ) had vacated.

Max was looking confused. "What the hell did you say that for?"

Robyn didn't pretend not to know what he meant. "I just…" She looked around uncertainly, but there were no doctors in the room. She had no idea what approach they were taking with Max's memory. She mentally called herself names for not keeping her emotions in check.

"What's your problem, Robyn?" She could see Max was growing agitated. He was struggling to breathe and his face was screwed up as though he was in pain.

Robyn looked automatically at his monitor. "Max, you've got to calm down, okay?"

"Just tell me what you mean!" said Max between gasps. "I'm not stupid, Robyn."

"I know you're not," said Robyn.

The fight seemed to go out of Max. His head flopped slightly to the side as a look of exhaustion came over his face, but he didn't give up. "I can tell there's something you're hiding from me. I could tell Zoe was too."

"It's just… it's just you weren't the only person injured," improvised Robyn. "A couple of people are in a really bad way."

"Who?" said Max.

Robyn hesitated. "Charlie and Rita went to St James'. There hasn't been any news, but they weren't looking good."

Max shook his head. "No, it's more than that, Robyn. I know there's more. I saw the way you looked at Zoe. Like you hated her."

"I don't hate her. We… we had a professional difference of opinion," said Robyn. "So things are a bit awkward now, but I'm sure…" Her voice trailed away as she saw the look of anger on Max's face.

"Don't lie to me, Robyn. Just tell me. What did you do to her?"

His heartbeat was increasing again. "I think I should go and find Lily," said Robyn.

"No." Max's hand shot out to grasp Robyn's wrist. The movement made him groan in pain, but his grip was surprisingly strong. "You've got to tell me, Robyn." His voice was shaking with emotion. "You've got to tell me now."

* * *

Dylan wondered if seeing Lofty would always give him such a sense of relief. Lofty gave the impression he could deal with anything. Dylan knew there were things he struggled with sometimes, such as carrying things, but when you needed comfort, reassurance and support, no-one was better than Lofty.

Dylan was surprised to realise he'd known this for a while, but it wasn't until recently that he'd experienced it himself.

Lofty put his hand on Dylan's arm. "Are you all right, Dylan?"

"I think so," said Dylan.

Lofty nodded sympathetically. "It's been quite a day, hasn't it?"

"Yes, you always did have a great capacity for understatement," said Dylan.

"I was wondering about going up to see how Ethan was doing," said Lofty. "But I could stay if you wanted… I mean, if you wanted to run anything past a nurse."

Dylan was touched. He knew what Lofty really meant, but he'd known Dylan wouldn't like that so he'd modified his statement accordingly.

Dylan hesitated, toying between telling Lofty that he was fine and sharing some of his emotional strain. But instead he asked: "Are you all right, Ben?"

"I'm fine," said Lofty reassuringly. "Thanks for asking." It seemed for a moment that this was all Lofty would say, but then he continued. "I'm worried about Cal. Worried about Ethan too. Worried about Charlie and Rita. But I'll be fine."

"You don't have to say that, you know," said Dylan. "I know I'm not the sort of person anyone would go to with their problems. I'm not the most sympathetic and I'm… not at my best at the moment, but I'm… I'm willing to listen."

Lofty smiled at him gratefully. "You seem very sympathetic to me."

Dylan regarded him suspiciously, but it seemed as though Lofty meant it. "Ben. If you wanted to go up and see Cal, and you think they might like the opinion of an ED consultant, I could always…"

"If you've got time, Dylan," said Lofty with even more gratitude, "I would really appreciate that. But we won't go just yet. It's been a stressful time and I think I need a bit of a break first."

It was strange, thought Dylan, how much was communicated between them without saying the words. "Then we'll have a break first, Ben," he said. He paused, looking into Lofty's tired but still friendly face. "I think perhaps we both need it."

* * *

It was a new feeling for Connie. Walking (or, in this case, limping) through the hospital corridors, feeling weak and helpless. It was partly that it wasn't her own hospital and she couldn't have taken control even if she wanted to (though had she been in a stronger frame of mind, she might have tried), but it was more than that.

She had felt helpless before. She'd lost people who were close to her. But in every other instance that came immediately to mind, Connie had at least had the comfort of knowing she'd done everything she could. If there were decisions to be made, no matter how difficult, she knew that she'd considered each option carefully and made a decision in the best interests of the patient.

But not this time.

If she'd instructed Rita to remain in the hospital; if she'd insisted on taking Rita to Resus (the bomb had already exploded by then and as far as Connie knew, there was no structural damage to Resus); even if she'd sent someone back into the hospital for the equipment, perhaps she'd still be alive.

"There was nothing more you could have done, Connie," said Jacob.

"Mrs Beauchamp," she murmured, but without really caring. "Let's think about Charlie now."

They were taken into St James' Resus. On another day, Connie would have looked around and compared it with the Resus she considered to be her own, but today, she only looked for that familiar face.

He was awake and looking straight at Louis, though neither seemed to be speaking.

Charlie turned his head towards Connie. There was a light in his eye as he recognised her. Then his mouth moved silently, his lips framing her name.

"Charlie," said Connie, as Jacob helped her over to them. Louis at once stood up, allowing Connie to sit down. Connie wished she could be sure if this was a rare sign of good manners or a desire to get away from his father.

"Connie," said Charlie, and she realised he probably had been speaking before: just too softly for her to hear.

"How are you?" said Connie.

Charlie smiled. "I'm alive, Connie. At my age and with my medical history, that's enough."

Connie didn't know what to say. She took his hand.

"How's Rita?" said Charlie.

"She's upstairs," said Connie softly.

She felt the pressure of his hand increase just slightly. "Connie, you don't have to pretend with me. You know that. I know what life is like and I know what medicine is like."

"We lost her," said Connie, and felt tears slipping down her cheeks. She turned away from Charlie and caught Jacob's sympathetic look.

"I'm sorry," said Charlie. "She was much too young. But I know you did everything you could, Connie."

Connie shook her head.

Jacob came to stand beside her. "It's true, Connie, and I'm going to keep saying it for the rest of my life if I have to. Connie could not have done more for Rita."

"I know," said Charlie simply.


	30. Chapter 30

**Georgy-Girl** , I know the feeling well! It was a story by Tanith Panic that made me fall in love with Dyfty - and I'm just so happy the writers are developing their friendship too! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. You know I love Dylan and Lofty together, even just as friends, and I'm really starting to love Connie and Jacob together too. I'm really happy you like the way I write them. No, Robyn isn't the best at keeping things to herself - which could prove useful for this story!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy that you read and enjoyed it, even though our favourites were absent! But I've made up for that in this chapter, I hope.

 **Tato Potato** , I do need to make a decision about what to do with Cal... miraculous recovery or something else? Either way, I think Ethan will cry! Thank you for your review - I really am thrilled you enjoyed the chapter.

 **beckyboogle** , I am planning on as happy an ending as possible for some of the characters, but there is more emotion and sadness to come! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Honey had expected tears, but there were none. Instead, Ethan was shaking in Honey's arms, his tremors so violent that Honey couldn't help but shake along with him.

Ethan was a brave man. Honey had seen a lot of evidence of that today. More than she'd ever believed possible. But when it came to Cal, Ethan was just one human being fearing for the life of another. Someone he loved very much.

It might have made him seem weaker, but Honey didn't think so. You needed strength in order to love someone.

She'd nearly made the weak decision of leaving Ethan. She'd told herself that he was boring, but in her heart, she'd been afraid she was the dull one. She'd believed her lack of intelligent and knowledge could never make Ethan happy. Her inability to understand what seemed so obvious to him didn't make him boring. It made her not good enough.

But now she'd seen him fight, both literally and… what was the opposite of literally? Oh yes: she'd seen him fight literally and illiterately. She'd seen him fight for the brother he loved and cry for him too. And Honey wanted him. Forever.

"I can't lose him," said Ethan.

"You won't lose him," said Honey. She massaged up and down his spine. "I saw his lifeline. It's okay."

"Do you really think everyone's life is mapped out from birth?" said Ethan.

Honey looked at him in slight confusion. "Of course I do."

"You're could be right," said Ethan, and fell silent again, through the trembling didn't stop.

"I love you, Ethan," said Honey. "And whatever happens, I'm not going nowhere."

"You're not going _anywhere_ ," whispered Ethan distractedly.

"No: I'm not going anywhere neither." Honey kissed him. "Are you going to tell me you love me or what?"

"Of course I-" began Ethan, but then the door to Cal's room opened and he froze in Honey's arms.

As Honey looked at the expressionless face of the doctor, she realised she was frightened too. She reminded herself of Cal's lifeline, but it didn't help.

The doctor touched Ethan's arm. "Ethan, I'm sorry."

It seemed to Honey almost as though Ethan's bones had disappeared. He seemed to fold up as he collapsed onto the floor with Honey's arms around him.

"Ethan, are you all right?" said the doctor.

"Of course he's not all right!" said Honey. "You've got a degree in doctoring; I haven't even got no GCSEs. But you just told him his brother's dead. What do you expect him to do? Dance a Clementine Tango?"

The doctor knelt down too. "I apologise, Ethan. I was unclear. I meant I'm sorry for causing you so much worry. The alarm was Cal's intracranial pressure monitor, telling us that the pressure on his brain has decreased. I can't say he's going to be all right, but the signs are more promising than they were a few minutes ago."

Ethan moved his mouth, but no signs came out. It looked like he was trying to say 'thank you', but Honey was less generous.

"You really need to work on how you break good news, don't you?" she said. "Come on, Ethan. Let's go and see Cal."

* * *

Louise entered the staff room to find Lily scrolling through her phone. "Who are you phoning?"

"That's absolutely none of your business," said Lily.

"I just thought I might have known the number?" said Louise. "Seeing as I did use to work on reception and everything?"

Lily lowered her phone with a sigh. "I'm sorry. That was rude of me."

"But understandable after the day you've had," said Louise, mollified by Lily's apology. "I shouldn't have been sarcastic. I'm sorry too."

"I think sarcasm is understandable after the day we've had too," said Lily. She sighed and put her phone on the table. "I don't suppose you know the number for St James'?"

"Yeah, but if you want to know about Charlie and Rita, wouldn't it be better to call Jacob?" said Louise, having already considered and dismissed the possibility of calling Connie.

Lily picked up her phone and started scrolling again. "I don't seem to have a number for Jacob."

Louise looked at the phone. "Why are you looking for Jacob under S?"

"He is Staff Nurse Masters," said Lily, as though this was obvious. "I use my phone for professional purposes."

"I've got his number," said Louise, and produced her own phone. "There you are. Use my phone if you like."

She wasn't surprised when Lily declined. Lily dialled the number and pushed her attractively-cut hair behind one ear so she could use the phone more easily.

"Jacob?" said Lily. "This is Lily Chao from the ED."

Louise tried not to roll her eyes at Lily's method of introducing herself. There was professionalism and then there was ridiculousness.

"I am very well," said Lily. "Dr Knight has a head injury, but I can give you no further information. He is being treated in the main part of the hospital. Dr Hanna has an ankle injury but appears as mentally sound as ever."

Louise smiled at that. She was sure Lily intended it as a positive comment, but it was amusing all the same.

"Max, one of the porters, has a number of injuries but is expected to make a full recovery," said Lily.

Louise shook her head and wondered if Lily really believed Jacob might not know Max.

"Dr Keogh and Nurse Miller are rather emotional but unharmed," said Lily. "Nurse Chiltern is his usual self… I'm sorry? Could you repeat that, please?... no, he hasn't dropped anything. I meant that he is very calm with an excellent bedside manner."

This time, Louise's smile held no amusement. It was good to hear Lily praise a nurse, especially considering how brilliantly Lofty had coped. Louise's admiration for him had risen by the hour and she now suspected Lofty could handle anything that was thrown at him, as long as he wasn't expected to catch it.

Then she sensed a change in Lily. She had gone very still and Louise, with her nurse's training, detected a slight quickening in her breathing.

"What?" said Lily, her voice very soft, through it was stronger when she next spoke. Her hand tensed slightly around the phone. She lifted her other hand and touched her cheek, running a finger over it. There was a sharp intake of breath and Lily spoke again, her voice higher than usual. "I think it's best if you tell me, Jacob."

There was a silence as Lily's eyes first opened wider, then were screwed tightly shut. They opened again as she shot a horrified glance at Louise, then they closed again. Her chest heaved and emotions passed across her face. She covered her mouth with her hand. She was completely silent and from that point, completely still.

Louise heard the faint sound of Jacob's voice, but she could decipher no words.

She wanted to get up and run out of the room; to hide from or deny whatever terrible news Lily had been told, but she couldn't move. All she could do was watch and wait.

At last, Lily spoke again, her voice stilted. "Thank you, Jacob." A muscle moved near her mouth. "Thank you for telling me. I will inform our colleagues. Goodbye."

She slowly lowered the phone to her lap.

Again, something in Louise's brain screamed at her to run, but she didn't. She reached out a shaky hand to Lily's.

"I am sorry, Louise," said Lily. Her voice was tight with emotion and she was blinking hard. "I have some bad news."


	31. Chapter 31

_This chapter is a bit different. I hope it works. I'm afraid there's no Cal or Ethan as the whole chapter is based in the staff room and they're not there._

 **beckyboogle** , this is going to sound completely weird, but I'm really happy you thought Cal was dead! Not that I want to upset you, but I really wanted to create that effect and I wasn't sure if I'd done it. Thank you for understanding what I was trying to do - and for writing a review to tell me.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I couldn't let Honey go running off back to Manchester when Ethan was going to need someone to support him! I'm sure anyone would have supported him, but everyone else is quite busy! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , I hope you weren't too scared! Thank you for telling me that as it really is amazing when I try to write something difficult and it actually works. One reason why I was in two minds about killing Cal was because killing Cal would kill Ethan too. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , you were scared too? Brilliant! I mean I'm really sorry. But I really am so happy that the scene works - thank you for telling me. Lily will be breaking the news in the next chapter - you're right that it's not easy! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , I had to have Lily praising Lofty because it's about time someone noticed how amazing he is. The rollercoaster doesn't travel very far in this chapter, but I hope it's a bumpy ride. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lily had faced many challenges in her life. A large number of them had come in the last few hours. Some had caused to feel more afraid than she had ever felt; some made her question her abilities as a doctor.

But there had been nothing like this.

She looked around at her assembled colleagues. Cal and Ethan were still in the main part of the hospital and were likely to remain there; Lily planned to inform them later. Zoe was still with Max and had refused to leave him.

She stood on one side of the room with only Louise at her side. The others were sitting facing her. Watching. Waiting.

A ripple of fear circled the room. Lily knew that fear couldn't really be tangible, yet she felt something.

"I have an announcement to make," said Lily quietly.

Everyone had been sitting around, talking quietly as they waited for her to begin. Her words shouldn't have come as a surprise: they all knew they'd been called to the staff room so Lily could make an announcement. But at her words, Lily's colleagues became silent and still.

"I have some sad news from St James' from Staff Nurse Masters," said Lily.

There were no signs of shock; only despair. Lily watched as eyes filled with tears; bodies sagged; hands reached out for those of their neighbours with little care for who they were.

She'd never worried about upsetting her colleagues before. She was there to do her job and she didn't intend to let anyone get in her way.

But she cared about these people now and she knew she was going to upset them very much.

* * *

Dylan felt he ought to say something. He should be the one making the announcement, not Lily. He was an experienced consultant. Lily had only recently become a registrar.

But after his behaviour lately, he couldn't blame Lily. She'd virtually taken on the role of clinical lead while Connie had been first trapped and second taken to St James', and she'd acquitted herself so much better than Dylan had in his short time in the position. Perhaps she was the right person to be standing there, but this only made Dylan even more aware of his own inadequacy. Lily had taken control because he hadn't been able to leave Resus. He could tell from the strain on Lily's face that she hadn't found it easy.

But at least she'd found it possible.

But now, standing up at the front of the room, she looked young and vulnerable and Dylan wanted to help her; to take some of the burden from her. (Also to prove to himself and others that he wasn't incapable, but that hardly mattered. Not now.)

At last, after a long while, Dylan spoke, trying to gain some perspective. "Of course, Charlie wasn't a young man and we all knew he was gravely ill."

"Dylan!" said Robyn in shock, and even Lofty gave the doctor a slightly reproving look. Dylan looked at Lily to see if she felt the same. There was no look of gratitude on her face, but he hadn't expected it. Not from Lily. But she didn't look angry.

"I am sorry," said Lily faintly. "I did not make it clear. It's not Charlie."

Dylan could almost feel the relief in the room. Almost immediately, it was superseded by horror as the whole room wondered who Lily meant.

Lily spoke again. "It is too early to speak of recovery, but Nurse Fairhead is awake and speaking and, according to Staff Nurse Masters, appears his usual self."

* * *

Robyn didn't want to be here. She'd wanted to stay with Max. She'd been about to tell him what had happened; what Zoe had done, only for Lily and Louise to interrupt. She'd try to say no to Lily, but then Louise had stepped forward, a serious look on her tearstained face. "It's bad news, Robyn, and trust me: you're going to want to hear it when you're with your friends."

So here Robyn was, watching and waiting, and all the time, the dread was building in her stomach. Metaphorically, Charlie had the biggest, strongest heart of anyone in the ED, but physically, it was a very different matter. This was, Robyn believed, his fourth heart attack. He would need a miracle.

But it wasn't Charlie. It was someone else, and the relief Robyn felt didn't last. She thought first of Cal but remembered he wasn't at St James'. But who else had gone there? Who else who mattered?

"Oh, do you mean it's that girlfriend of Cal's?" burst out Robyn suddenly. Taylor wasn't important enough to warrant an announcement like this, but perhaps Lily was making the announcement so they'd know Cal needed their support. Robyn seized on the possibility with relief; gratitude; desperation. "Oh my God: you really scared me for a minute, Lily." Robyn checked herself: she sounded too happy. "Obviously, it's still very sad. She's very young. Of course Cal will be upset, but we'll all support him." She looked around at the others. "Won't we?"

"It's not Cal's girlfriend," said Lily. "I have not been given an update on Cal's girlfriend and would not tell you in this manner if I had."

 _It's one of us_ , thought Robyn, as the whole world seemed to darken. She couldn't pretend anymore. _One of us is really gone._

* * *

"Who is it, then?" The pressure was getting even to Lofty. He was trembling, gripping onto the edge of his chair for support. He didn't want to know but he also did want to. He had to. His head was spinning and he couldn't even remember who'd gone to St James' now, but it must be someone who wasn't in the room. His head moved from left to right. Connie, Zoe, Cal, Ethan, Rita, Charlie, Jacob, Max. Charlie was okay. Jacob had made the phone call.

Why hadn't _Connie_ made the phone call?

Lofty thought she'd only injured her ankle, but she'd fallen down the stairs. Perhaps there was a head or back injury which she either hadn't recognised – or had denied because she was Connie and she never showed any weakness if she could help it. "Is it Mrs Beauchamp?"

"No, it is not Mrs Beauchamp," said Lily, looking unusually flustered.

Lofty didn't even know he'd moved his hands until he felt them pulling at his hair. "Just tell us, Lily. Please. Don't just make us stand around and guess. Don't make us suffer the loss of every single person in this ED before telling us it's not true. Even you should be able to tell how cruel that is. Even you."

* * *

Louise thought she probably knew better than anyone how much Lily had suffered. She had seen Lily in the staff room after hearing the news, almost breaking down yet trying so hard not to. She had to agree that Lily wasn't helping by drawing it out, but she could see how hard it was for her to find the words. Louise saw it in the slump of her shoulders. She saw it as Lily flinched at Lofty's words and turned a helpless face to Louise.

 _I can't do this_ , Lily's eyes seemed to say.

Louise quickly stepped forward. "Lofty, I know it's hard on you, but that doesn't mean it's easy on Lily. We've all experienced in breaking bad news to patients, but have you ever had to break bad news to a friend? If any of you would find that easy, then I'm glad it's Lily standing up here and not you."

Lofty looked ashamed. "You're right, Louise. Sorry, Lily. It's a horrible thing to have to do and we should be supporting you."

"Yes, that's right," agreed Robyn. "And we're all here for you, Lily."

Louise caught Lily's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze.

"Thank you," whispered Lily.

* * *

Lily faced the room again. She felt frightened and wretched, but Lofty was right. She needed to say it. She never baulked at delivering bad news to patients and relatives and there was no reason for this to change now. She took a deep breath and glanced at Louise.

Louise gave her the tiniest nod.

"You are correct, Lofty," said Lily. "It is kinder to tell the truth and I will. I'm sure you know that Rita was also taken to St James' with a head injury. The doctors did all they could, but the head injury was more serious than anyone realised and I'm afraid she did not survive. I am very sorry to be giving you this news. She never regained consciousness and it's likely she felt no pain."

There was silence. It stretched and lengthened and Lily dared not break it, but then it ended in a swirl of emotion. Some of the nurses started crying. Lofty lowered his head. Dylan gave him a concerned look, but said nothing. Big Mac looked deeply upset as he put his arm around the weeping Robyn.

Noel alone addressed Lily. "Does Honey know? She likes... liked Rita."

"She doesn't know yet," answered Lily. "As I'm sure you know, she is with Cal and Ethan in the main part of the hospital. My plan is to go over there now. Whether I inform them immediately depends on Cal's condition." She paused, suddenly realising that she was afraid to go alone. "You may accompany me if you wish."


	32. Chapter 32

**Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review and for saying you liked the way I wrote the last chapter. I'm sad about Rita too! Rita isn't one of my absolute favourites, but she's definitely not one of my least favourites.

 **Tanith Panic** , I know you wouldn't agree with Lofty just out of loyalty - I've seen you smack his hands before! I had a feeling Lily would struggle with trying to break the news gently and that gave me the idea for the chapter. Thank you for your review!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I really didn't want Lily to seem cold and inhuman when she broke the news, which she can do sometimes, and I'm really glad her struggle came across. I hope you enjoy this chapter - Cal and Ethan are in it.

 **Angel2021** , thank you for your review. There's an update on Cal's condition in this chapter. It is sad about Rita - I should probably include something about her funeral, which means more sadness.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - I really appreciate your kind words. It was difficult getting into all the characters' heads at such a scary moment, but it was fun! It's great to know that you and others liked it.

 **Tato Potato** , I'm really sorry, but I'm afraid you're going to be disappointed. A couple more things are going to go wrong... and that's just in this chapter Thank you for your review - I hope you enjoy the next chapter, despite the sadness!

 **littleboots1966** , thank you for your review - it's great to have a new reader and lovely that you have read right from the start. Thank you so much for your kind words. There's a Zoe and Max scene in this chapter - I hope you enjoy it.

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. It wasn't an easy chapter to write, so it's really nice to know you think it's well-written. It wasn't easy for Lily at all - but luckily, supporting each other is something the characters do well.

* * *

Dylan didn't miss Lofty's reaction to the news. He also didn't mess Lofty's uncharacteristically fast exit. Dylan waited for a moment or two and left the room in search of him. He eventually found Lofty outside, breathing deeply and clearly trying to calm himself down.

"I was – concerned," said Dylan awkwardly.

Lofty turned to face him, his eyes dry but sad. "I'm okay. Sorry I ran off like that. I'll go back now."

"No, you're too upset," said Dylan. "Stay out here, take as much time as you need and then come back in."

Lofty nodded and blinked back tears. "Thanks, Dylan. I won't be long." His voice quivered and he brushed a hand under his eye. "I'm sorry. It's just a shock. I mean… _Rita_. It's awful, but I forgot she was even hurt. I just kept thinking about Charlie, Cal, Zoe, Max…" He raised guilty eyes to Dylan's. "How could I have forgotten? She's my manager. No, she's more than that: she's my friend."

"I suppose she's just not the kind of person you'd expect to die," said Dylan. "Charlie's old. Cal, Zoe and Max can be stupid and reckless and you'd expect them to go running into trouble. But not Rita."

"No," said Lofty. He met Dylan's eyes for a moment, then looked away.

Dylan hesitated, then sat beside him. "If you feel… guilty… for… finding this difficult, there's no need. You reaction is… understandable. Natural. I'm sure, later, you will be able to… continue as normal."

The tears began to flow down Lofty's cheeks. "Sorry, Dylan."

"No. I'm sorry. I'm… not suited to comforting. I clearly made it worse." Dylan stood up. "I'll… leave you in peace." He turned and started to walk away.

"Dylan!" said Lofty.

Dylan turned. Lofty's expression was pleading; one hand half-held out towards him.

"Please stay," said Lofty. "Just for a few minutes. Just till I'm ready to go back inside."

* * *

Ethan sat, one hand in Cal's and one in Honey's. Cal was in a natural sleep now and could wake at any time. The relief Ethan had felt when he'd heard had nearly made him cry again, but he was determined there would be no more tears. Cal was alive. Ethan still didn't know what state he was going to be in, but he was alive. He would stay with his brother until he awoke and then he would do everything that was needed to look after him.

"He'll be okay," said Honey.

Ethan took his eyes off Cal very briefly to smile at her. "Yes. Thank you, Honey. Yes, he will."

The door opened. He thought it would be the doctor and didn't bother to look up, but Honey squealed when she saw who it was. "Dad!"

Noel hurried over to his daughter and hugged her. "Honey, are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm good," said Honey. "I've been looking after Ethan. He's been crying loads."

"Cal is his brother," said Noel, and patted Ethan's shoulder lightly. "I'm sure I'd be crying loads if it was you lying there."

"Really?" said Honey, her voice soft.

"Of course," said Noel.

Ethan was just recovering from his embarrassment when another voice spoke.

"Dr Hardy, how is Dr… I mean Ethan, how is Cal?"

"He's much better, thank you, Lily," said Ethan. "He's asleep. A natural sleep."

"I'm glad," said Lily. She stood there for a moment, indecision in her eyes.

Ethan realised she probably hadn't come all this way just to check on Cal. Foreboding curled around his heart, but he ignored it and stood up, offering Lily his chair. "Lily… um, why don't you sit down."

"Thank you. I prefer to stand," said Lily.

Ethan stayed where he was, one hand on the back of his chair.

"I need to tell you something," said Lily.

Ethan felt his knees wobble, but he didn't sit down. He could cope with this. Whatever Lily had to say, it wouldn't be as bad as being told he could lose Cal.

Honey gasped. "Oh my God, Lily: someone's died, haven't they?"

"Honey, let's not jump to conclusions," said Ethan. He quickly sat beside her and held her hand. It was for his sake as well as. He forced himself not to think. It wouldn't help matters. It would only make him more agitated when he needed to be calm. Unflappable. He could do unflappable.

"I am very sorry, but we have lost a member of our team," said Lily. "Rita was taken to St James' with head injuries. They tried to save her, but here injuries were too severe. I'm very sorry."

Honey made a sound not unlike a squawk. "But I liked her!" She began to sob loudly.

"Honey, I'm sorry." Ethan held her tightly. He was upset too. He wasn't close to Rita, but he liked and respected her. "Thank you for telling us, Lily. It's very sad news, but we needed to know."

Noel came over and rubbed Honey's back. "Lily said she wouldn't have suffered."

"I'm sure she didn't," said Lily. She stood stiffly in the doorway, looking uncomfortable but completely in control.

"But how do you know?" cried Honey. "How could anyone know? She might have suffered horribly!"

"I… I don't know," said Ethan quietly. His resolve not to cry was weakening. Honey was right. They couldn't know there was no pain. Ethan had said the same words himself and never questioned them, but Honey was right. In the end, it was just guesswork – based on sound and scientific reasoning, but it was something they couldn't really know for sure.

"This speculation helps no-one, Honey," said Lily.

"Why couldn't it have been someone I don't like?" wailed Honey. "Like Dylan or Mrs Beauchamp or-"

Ethan broke in quickly. "Honey, I really don't think…" He stopped himself. "I'm sorry. You're upset. I understand that. It's all right, darling."

Out in the corridor, he heard footsteps. Quiet, heavy, deliberate footsteps. They stopped outside the door, but Ethan didn't look up. He was too busy trying to comfort Honey whilst keeping an eye on Cal. It was probably the doctor.

"Can I help you?" said Lily. Judging from her tone, their visitor was not welcome. But Ethan still showed no interest.

"I'm looking for Dr Ethan Hardy."

Ethan turned without letting go of Honey. In the doorway stood a policeman. "I'm Dr… Dr Hardy," he said unsteadily.

"Ethan Hardy. I am arresting you on suspicion of assault."

* * *

Zoe looked miserably at Max. "You don't need to know, Max. It wasn't important. Why can't we just forget about it and go on as we are?"

"Because I don't know what you did, Zoe!" said Max. "Can't you see that? If my wife has done something to hurt me…"

"How do you know I did something to hurt you?" said Zoe, too quickly.

"Robyn told me," said Max, his eyes boring into hers. "And Robyn wouldn't lie."

Zoe tried to smile. "She might, you know. She really doesn't like me."

"Robyn wouldn't dislike anyone unless she had a very good reason!" said Max.

Zoe saw an opening and grasped it. "She… she does have a good reason. She's the person I hurt. Not you. You know I love you. I'd never hurt you." Even as she said the words, she wished she could call them back. She was lying to her husband. _Lying_ to him. She hated to lie: if only she was better at that, they might be happily married.

"What did you do to her?" said Max.

"I can't tell you," said Zoe. "It's confidential. In-house."

Max's eyes darkened. "That's very convenient. But I'm sure Robyn would have told me about it, so you might as well tell me."

"She hasn't told you," said Zoe quickly. "She hasn't told anyone. We agreed it would stay between us. But Robyn hates me, Max. She would do anything to keep us apart." It was almost a relief to say the last two sentences The last two sentences was true. Robyn did hate her, and the more Zoe lied, the more she felt she deserved it.

But she couldn't stop. She'd already lost Max once. She couldn't lose him again.

He seemed to have forgiven her earlier. At least enough to take her in his arms and make love to her as though nothing had happened. But had he really forgiven her or just given in to the lust that was all that remained of their relationship; of their marriage? Zoe knew she couldn't take the chance.

"Max, I wish I could tell you," said Zoe. "But I really can't. I can't betray Robyn no matter what she does to me." _What am I doing? Why am I saying this?_ "I'm sorry, Max."

Max looked at her for a long moment. "Zoe, you know if you're lying to me, I will find out? These memories might not be gone for good. They could come back at any time and then I'll know."

"It… it doesn't matter if they do come back," said Zoe faintly. "I mean, I want them to come back. I want you to remember our wedding. I want you to remember how happy we are."

"So do I, Zoe," said Max. "So do I."

Zoe forced a laugh. "You can't think we've broken up or anything like that. Look: I'm wearing my wedding ring. You're obviously not wearing yours because your hands were trapped. It had to be removed in case of swelling. And you know what condition we were found in. Naked in my office! That doesn't sound like a married couple with a problem, unless our problem is uncontrollable lust!"

She saw some of the worry fade from Max's face and then his familiar smile returned. The smile she hadn't seen for so long. "So everything's cool, Zoe, yeah?"

"Everything's cool, Max," said Zoe. "And I love you."


	33. Chapter 33

**Tanith Panic** , I completely agree about Zoe! She's not going to be able to keep Max from finding out for the rest of their lives. Yes, they do need to get their hands off Ethan! Not that I blame them for wanting to get their hands _on_ him. Thank you for your review!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. It is getting worse for Ethan - all we can do is hope he gets back before Cal wakes up. But whatever happens, they're both in for a very difficult time.

 **Tato Potato** , you're right - the only place Ethan needs to be is with Cal. So naturally I've separated them! It certainly wouldn't be the best time for Ethan to wake up. Thank you for your review!

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review - I'm really happy you're finding the story interesting! Ethan probably should have been arrested a bit earlier, but I forgot about it!

 **ETWentHome** , whenever Max's memory returns, it's going to make things very awkward for Zoe! Assuming no-one else tells him first. Thank you for your review!

 **20BlueRoses** , I love a bit of vulnerable Cal too, so you're almost certain to see it! I'm glad you think Zoe's lies are true to her character - and that's very true about Robyn. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lofty felt embarrassed as he re-entered the staff room. Embarrassed that he'd left; embarrassed that he'd cried. Dylan had tried to reassure him, but he still felt terrible that he'd abandoned his colleagues at a time when they'd needed comfort.

"Lofty!" Louise was the first person to notice him and he tensed, far from sure Louise would welcome him with open arms. But that was exactly what she did: she enfolded Lofty in a hug, asking if he was okay.

"I'm fine," said Lofty quietly as he hugged her in return. "I'm sorry for leaving."

"Lofty, I know there's no way you would have left unless you needed to," said Louise. "It's been a tough day. A horrible day. We've all had moments when we've needed to take a break."

Lofty felt himself relax slightly. He didn't think Louise would have said that unless he meant it. "Where's Robyn?"

* * *

It had all seemed like such an adventure at first. Ethan was the big, brave hero, defying logic and the law in order to save his girlfriend and his brother.

But now someone was dead and the fun had ended for Honey. She sat in the passenger seat of Noel's car and cried as he drove to the police station. Noel was doing his best to cheer her up, pretending the police were actually villains dressed up as policeman who had kidnapped Super-Ethan, but all Honey could think of was that Rita was dead and Ethan might go to prison.

"And now we're tailing the car," said Noel. "I'm keeping it in my sights, Honeygirl. They're not going to get away with this. We'll get Super-Ethan out of there: don't you worry. We know Super-Ethan would never hurt anyone – and I'm sure even the real police would only need five minutes with them to know that."

"But he did hurt someone!" cried Honey.

"What?" said Noel, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"This guy was trying to hurt me, and Ethan hit him with a chair and knocked him out!"

Noel turned to her in alarm. "Someone tried to hurt you?"

"Keep your eyes on the road!" screamed Honey, who really couldn't cope with another accident of any kind. When Noel had done as she'd asked, she tried to speak calmly. "I'm fine, Dad. He didn't hurt me. Ethan rescued me."

"When did this happen?" said Noel.

Honey lowered her head. There was so much her dad didn't know and she had to tell him now. She couldn't let him find out for the first time when she told the police. "Earlier today. I… I'm sorry, Dad."

"What on earth are you sorry for?" said Noel.

Honey sniffed. "Everything. He said if I didn't go back to Manchester with him, he'd tell you I used to be a stripper."

Noel burst out laughing. "As if I'd believe that! My daughter a stripper. As if."

Honey said nothing.

"Oh God," said Noel. "You're being serious, aren't you?"

Honey started crying again.

"Right," said Noel, who was clearly trying to get his head around it. "Okay. You were a stripper. This guy found out and he was blackmailing you. And Ethan found out and hit him with a chair?"

"Yeah," said Honey.

"Good," said Noel. "That's exactly what I'd like to do to him."

Honey risked a glance at him. "You're not… disgusted with me?"

"I'm disgusted with myself," said Noel.

* * *

Charlie almost didn't recognise Connie. She sat with her head bent, seldom meeting his eye. Her voice was soft and often tremulous. He knew there was much she hadn't told him. She'd deflected most of his questions, telling him he needed to concentrate on getting better, but Charlie didn't usually give up when he wanted an answer to something.

He wasn't going to give up now.

He'd heard some of the news when Jacob had returned. Charlie had been surprised when Connie had asked Jacob to phone the ED and break the news. It wasn't like her. She was not someone who shied away from unpleasant tasks. On the contrary, she chose to perform them herself so she could ensure they were done properly.

Either she trusted Jacob very deeply or she had felt too upset to make the phone call.

Charlie considered Connie for a moment and decided it was a bit of both.

"You should go back, Connie," he said at last. "The department needs you. I will be all right."

"I'm sure Dr Chao is doing an excellent job," said Connie, her voice tight.

"Lily is very young," said Charlie. "She's inexperienced. She's an excellent doctor, but she finds it difficult to show sympathy and compassion."

"You could say the same of me," said Connie with a wan smile.

"Some might say that," said Charlie. "But they're wrong. How do you think Lily is coping really, Connie? And how much support do you think she'd getting from Dylan and Ethan?"

Jacob ended his silent contemplation of Connie and met Charlie's eyes, his own slightly narrowed. Charlie smiled to himself, realising Jacob was trying to read his mind, most likely unaware that Charlie had already read his.

"I can stay with Charlie if you want someone to stay, Mrs Beauchamp," said Jacob. "I'm very happy to do that."

"I'm sure we'll get on famously," said Charlie. "He can tell me about the modern methods of nursing. I can tell him how things were in my day."

Connie's voice was barely audible. "It still is your day, Charlie."

Charlie smiled sadly. It was too early to say that. His mind felt as sharp as ever, but his body was old and tired. Sooner or later, it would fail him. "Perhaps. But you should go back, Connie. It's a difficult time. If ever they need their clinical lead, it's now."

"But what can I do?" said Connie. "I can't bring Rita back."

"It won't be easy, but you're the best person to help them through this." Charlie smiled. "I'm glad you came to see me though. Knowing that you're here has made a difference."

The fatigue hit him in a wave and he closed his eyes, trying to regain his strength, but he opened them almost immediately as bitter, angry words filled the air.

"And you wonder why I keep going off?" said Louis. "Why I can't stay with you? Why I turned to drugs? How would you like to be in second place all the time? Second place to a _hospital_?"

"Louis, come on, mate," said Jacob, putting a calming hand on Louis' shoulder, but Louis shook it off.

"You said you needed me," said Louis sadly. "I said I'd help you. But you don't want me, do you? All you want is them."

Charlie shook his head. He tried to sit up but was too weak. "No, Louis. No, that's not true."

"I'm the one who sat beside you, talking to you!" said Louis. "They've been off in the relatives' room; off with Rita, but I've been here the whole time."

"You were hardly here the whole time," said Connie reprovingly.

"Oh, shut up, you stupid old bag!" said Louis.

Charlie spoke sharply. "Louis!"

"Oh, yes, that's right: protect her," said Louis. "I'm only your son!"

"Louis, I do want to protect you," said Charlie. "I do."

But Louis had already gone.

* * *

Cal opened his eyes in a panic. "Ethan!"

He looked around the room but saw only a blur. He didn't understand it. Ethan was the one who needed glasses. Not Cal. Cal could see. Couldn't he?

"Ethan?" he called again.

A hand took hold of his and a voice spoke coolly. "Cal, it's Lily. Ethan isn't here at the moment."

"What? Why isn't he here?" said Cal. He began to shake. This was wrong. He didn't know how, but it was just wrong. To his relief, the room began to swim into focus, but then he panicked again because he didn't know the room. He clutched on to Lily's hand: the only piece of familiarity. "Where is he, Lily? Where is he?"

"Cal, please," said Lily. "You need to calm down. Ethan is very busy. He has other patients."

Cal desperately tried to gasp in air. Nothing was making sense and he just wanted Ethan. Ethan would explain everything. Ethan would make him feel safe.

Lily spoke again, her voice sharp. "Cal, I need you to calm down. Breathe with me. Come on. Breathe in…"

"Please get Ethan!" Cal was beginning to cry now. "Where is he? I don't understand. Lily, I'm scared. I need Ethan." He was shaking so hard, he could hear the bed shaking too. He realised he was attached to some kind of machine and his terror increased. "What's happening? Where am I? Why won't you get Ethan?" He sobbed loudly, gripping tightly to Lily's hand.

"I will get… someone," said Lily. She let go of his hand and stood up. "I won't be long."

Even though he wanted Ethan, the thought of being left alone was too much for Cal. "No, don't go! Please don't leave me. I'm scared, Lily. I want Ethan." He lifted a hand to wipe his tears away and realised it was encased in plaster. "Lily, what happened to me?"

He felt Lily take his hand again. "Cal, we were all evacuated from the building because of a bomb. You incorrectly thought Ethan was in the building and went to look for him. The bomb exploded. You sustained head and facial injuries and a fractured triquetrum."

"There was a bomb?" gasped Cal. "And Ethan… Ethan's gone?"

"Ethan is not 'gone'," said Lily. "He is simply not here."

Cal sobbed loudly. "I don't understand, Lily. Nothing makes sense. It's all different. It's wrong. Lily, why don't I understand?"


	34. Chapter 34

**Tanith Panic** , Louise had to make amends for what she said about Lofty earlier in the story! I'd like a happy ending for Charlie and Louis, but I think that might be stretching the realms of possibility too far. Reassurance isn't Lily's strong suit, unfortunately! Thank you for your review.

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. Ethan isn't getting out quite yet, but I won't be locking him away for a hundred years. Cal is really struggling, but they will be back together before the end of the story. Whenever that will be!

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. I'm sorry for being cruel to Cal again! I do actually completely love him to bits!

 **CBloom2** , I think Cal would be very happy for you to take Lily's place! She's a brilliant doctor but not such a good comforter. Thank you for your review - I'm glad you enjoyed the update.

 **Georgy-Girl** , and I love love love your reviews! Thank you and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review - I'm glad you liked the way I wrote Cal's panic and fear. There will be brother time eventually. I wouldn't let an opportunity like that go to waste!

 **Tato Potato** , Ethan won't be back with Cal just yet, but Cal really needs Ethan's comfort and I doubt Ethan is overly happy about being arrested so he'll be glad to be with his brother too. Thank you for your review!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review. Cal is really struggling without Ethan, but I'm going to be mean and keep them apart for a little bit longer. Connie's return to the ED will definitely be an interesting moment - I'm slightly scared about writing that!

* * *

Ethan sat in the interview room and wondered if he'd ever felt so scared.

He wasn't that scared of the policemen. Ethan had acted to protect Honey and he knew Honey would be able to corroborate his story. He was fairly sure the legal issues would all be resolved fairly soon.

But he was still afraid.

What if Cal woke up and he wasn't there?

"I'm terribly sorry if this sounds rude or in any way suspicious," said Ethan, "but when do you think I might be able to return to my brother?"

"I can't say, Dr Hardy. We'll need to speak to the victim again, as well as to Miss Wright."

"Victim?" said Ethan disbelievingly. "He's not a victim. He was attacking and blackmailing Miss Wright. She is the only victim."

"That's exactly what we've got to determine, Dr Hardy. For what it's worth, I have no problems in accepting your side of the story, but we need to do this properly. I imagine it's similar in your job. Even if you're absolutely sure of a diagnosis, would you send them for treatment immediately or would you want to be absolutely sure?"

Ethan slumped back in his seat. "Unless delaying the treatment meant considerable risk to the patient's life, I would always make absolutely sure."

* * *

"How are you doing?" asked Lofty as he sat down beside Robyn.

Robyn shrugged and tried to smile, but her eyes filled with tears. "Everything just keeps getting worse."

Lofty put his arm around her. "But Max is doing much better and he's out of danger."

"That depends on your definition of danger," said Robyn bitterly.

Lofty looked confused.

"He knows there's something I'm not telling him," said Robyn. "I told him to ask Zoe. But if she doesn't tell him the truth, what do I do?"

"You could tell him yourself," said Lofty.

Robyn nodded sadly. "But how's he going to feel when I tell him? Will he even believe me?"

Lofty gave her a hug. "You won't know until you tell him. At least this time, it's not coming out of nowhere. He knows something isn't right."

"But it might hurt just as much," said Robyn.

"Yeah," said Lofty. "It might. But I'll be here for both of you. I know there's not much I can do, but I will be here."

* * *

Lily looked down at the distressed man in the bed and could hardly believe this was the arrogant Dr Knight. She moved her chair closer to the bed and tentatively put her arm around him. "Cal, it's all right. You have a head injury. That's why you're confused. But you're okay."

Cal carried on crying. "I want Ethan."

"I think it's best if I try to explain everything from the beginning," said Lily. There was a coldness in her heart telling her that Cal could be brain-damaged. But he could simply be confused, frightened and unwell. "There was a bomb scare at the hospital."

"Bomb?" sobbed Cal, an expression of terror on his face. "Where's Ethan?"

"Ethan is fine," said Lily. "He wasn't in the hospital. He was out on a call. But you thought he was in the hospital so you went inside to look for him."

"Booty call," said Cal, almost as though he was speaking to himself. "Ethan."

Lily honestly couldn't tell if he was just repeating things or if he was able to make an intelligent guess. "Yes, Cal. That's right," she said soothingly. "Ethan was on a…a booty call, but you thought he was in the hospital. You went into the hospital and the bomb exploded. You hurt your head and your wrist."

Cal began to tremble. He clutched at Lily and whimpered. "Where's the bomb?"

"It's gone now," said Lily. She realised she was close to tears. Much as she hated Cal's arrogance, this was far worse. "The police got rid of the bomb. It's not going to hurt you or Ethan." She handed Cal a tissue. "Can you wipe your eyes and nose for me, Cal?" Apart from the fact he needed to, it would give her some idea of whether he could understand simple instructions.

Cal looked at her uncertainly, but then he did as he was told.

Lily knew it didn't prove much, but he could obviously understand a little bit. "Well done, Cal. Can you tell me your name?"

"Dr Caleb Knight, registrar." Cal paused. "Where's Ethan? Dr Ethan Hardy, registrar?"

Lily had to swallow a lump in her throat. When someone asked Cal a stupid question, he usually made some sort of smart reply.

"The police wanted to interview some of the doctors," said Lily. "They asked to speak to Ethan. Ethan is the most senior doctor who isn't injured or unwell. Cal, do you know what an intracranial pressure monitor is?"

Cal shook his head and started to cry again. He pushed his head into Lily's shoulder. "Lily, where's Ethan? I want Ethan."

Lily blinked back tears. "Ethan will be back soon, Cal. I'm sure he'll be back soon."

* * *

Dylan knew as soon as he saw her. Zoe was agitated and upset. She had something to say – and most likely something to confess. Dylan also knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Dylan, I think I've done something terrible," said Zoe.

"Yes, well: we all do terrible things sometimes," said Dylan. "We haven't fallen out so far so I doubt we'll fall out over this."

Zoe was biting her lip. "I… I told Max everything is fine and we're happily married."

Dylan felt a sinking feeling, but it wasn't disappointment. He also wasn't surprised. This was Zoe: he'd expected no more, no less. "Have you thought about what you're going to do when he remembers, or if someone else tells him?"

Zoe's head turned sharply towards him. "Dylan, you wouldn't…"

"Of course I wouldn't," said Dylan. "But someone else might."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," said Zoe, as tears filled her eyes. "I just want to be happy with him, Dylan."

Dylan couldn't help thinking she should have thought of that before she'd slept with someone else. "I know. But he's going to find out, Zoe." He wished Lofty was here. Lofty was sensitive. He'd know what to say.

Zoe put her head in her hands. "Why did I do it, Dylan? Why? Why did I throw it all away?"

"You don't really expect me to know the answer to that, do you?" said Dylan. He had enough trouble disentangling the workings of his own mind without worrying about the workings of the feminine mind too.

"No, I suppose not," said Zoe sadly. "But what do I do, Dylan? What do I do?"

* * *

Connie didn't want to walk away when Charlie needed her. He said he'd be fine, but Connie didn't understand how he could be. He'd had another heart attack; he'd lost a valued nursing colleague and Louis was being his usual self, just when Charlie had begun to feel some hope for them.

But Charlie was right. The ED needed her.

"Are you sure you don't need me to come with you?" said Jacob as they waited for the taxi Connie had called.

Connie wanted badly to say yes. She was afraid of going back to the ED. She didn't know what she was going to find when she got there. Cal with a head injury. Max, 'expected' to make a full recovery, which meant a full recovery was not guaranteed. Dylan, upset of course. Understandable but it made things difficult. Zoe would be worried about her husband; Ethan about his brother.

And Rita... everyone would be upset about Rita.

"Connie?" Jacob laid a hand on her arm.

"No. Thank you, Jacob. I don't need you."

"I live in hope," said Jacob with a smile as a taxi came around the corner. "I think this is you."

"Hardly a flattering comparison, Jacob," said Connie.

"Oh, I don't know," said Jacob. "That taxi is beautiful on the outside, but tough on the inside. It has to be to stand the rigours of the job; to keep going, day after day, for hours. Breaks determined not by its needs, but the needs of the people around it. I think you're a lot like a taxi, Mrs Beauchamp."

Connie gave him a withering look. "I won't tell you what you're like, Jacob. It would be most unprofessional to use words like that."

Jacob laughed, as she'd known he would. "On that note, boss, I'll say goodbye."


	35. Chapter 35

**beckyboogle** , thank you for your review - I'm really glad you're still enjoying the story. I'm worried it's starting to drag a bit, but I basically know where it's going!

 **Tanith Panic** , I think it would take a lot for Connie to fall under anyone's spell! I like Dylan and Zoe's friendship too. I think Dylan is actually very supportive if you don't get caught up in the way he says things. I'm afraid The Holby One won't be freed just yet... thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , Cal broke your heart? Well, isn't that just typical of him! Even now, when he's so upset and ill, he's still the Holby heartbreaker. Ethan's heart could be next to break... thank you for your review!

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. Cal really isn't in a good state, but I'm sure he'll be calmer once Ethan is there. I didn't like Jacob at all at first, but I do like his relationship with Connie. I'm glad you like the way I write him - thank you! I really struggled with Jacob in this chapter.

 **ETWentHome** , Zoe really does need help! I like her friendship with Dylan - they're very different, but it works. I'm enjoying exploring the different characters. Some are easier than others, but I think trying to understand them helps me to appreciate them even more. Thank you for your review.

* * *

Lofty almost didn't recognise her.

He was used to see her striding through the ED as though she owned the place – and she probably thought she did. If there were occasional moments of hesitation that proved she was human, they were quickly swept aside as she took control again.

This Connie Beauchamp was slow and unsure. Her hair, usually so elegant and perfectly in place, was tangled and crookedly parted.

Lofty was sure Connie wouldn't want him – or anyone else – to see her like this, but he couldn't walk away.

"Mrs Beauchamp," he said, walking towards her. "Can I… um… help with anything?"

"Get me a coffee and bring it to my office, please."

Lofty heard the tremor in her voice she was trying to hide beneath brusqueness. He also saw her smudged eyeliner. "Yes, Mrs Beauchamp."

By the time the coffee was made, Connie looked more like herself. Her hair was brushed and her make-up repaired. "Thank you, Lofty," she said.

She had many ways of thanking people. It was often a dismissal, but Lofty sensed it wasn't in this case. "Is there anything else I can do?" he said softly.

Connie raised her eyes and he was shocked to see they were full of tears. "I didn't push her," she said.

"Of course you didn't," said Lofty. He said the words as a statement of fact rather than an outpouring of sympathy. "No-one thinks that."

"She did," said Connie.

"Rita had a head injury," said Lofty gently. "She probably didn't know what happened."

Connie put her head in her hands. "I can't bear that she died thinking I hated her."

"Rita was overemotional sometimes," said Lofty. "But her gift was understanding how we really feel."

Connie stayed where she was for a moment, not moving. Lofty wanted to put his arm around her and comfort her. He felt instinctively that Connie wanted to be held, but he knew the comfort couldn't come from him. It might help her to feel a bit better now, but the knowledge that he'd outstepped the boundaries of his job would only cause her more suffering later on.

He stood silently, keeping his gaze lowered and waited for her to speak.

At last, Connie lifted her head. "Thank you, Lofty."

This time, it was a dismissal, but Lofty saw the gratitude too.

He nodded and left the room.

* * *

Honey didn't often feel intimidated by people. When she'd first arrived to work at the ED, she'd had no problems with walking up to everyone and introducing herself. The fact that a lot of the staff were doctors with medical degrees while she couldn't even boast a single GCSE didn't bother her in the slightest.

But now, sitting with a policeman and policewoman opposite her and Noel at her side, she felt terrified. She clasped her hands together in an effort to stop them from shaking and tried to move her chair a bit closer to Noel's. The chair leg made a shrill squeak as it moved across the floor and Honey cringed, the blood rushing to her face.

All she wanted to help Ethan. To help him get out of here and back to the ED where he belonged.

But she knew that kind words, cups of tea and telling the future wouldn't help, and what else did she have to offer?

Honey felt Noel shift slightly in his seat. He put his warm hand over both of hers. She looked up at him and he smiled. Honey had the feeling that if she wasn't being interviewed by the police, he might have winked.

She was still afraid. But her dad believed in her and that meant everything.

* * *

Louis was leaning against a wall, resting his arms on the top. His back was to Jacob and he didn't seem to have sensed his presence. He looked as though he was staring up at the cloud formations, but Jacob doubted he saw very much at all.

Jacob's footfalls were soft as he approached. He leaned on the wall too, also looking upwards.

From the corner of his eye, he saw Louis tense.

Jacob waited for Louis to speak. He was prepared to wait a long time.

"Did my dad send you?" said Louis, after some minutes had passed. He sounded defensive.

"No," said Jacob. "I wanted to know if you were still here."

"Well, now you know," said Louis belligerently. "So you can go now."

Jacob was silent as he looked up at the sky.

Louis' voice tightened. "Didn't you hear? You can go."

"I heard you," said Jacob. "But I don't want to go."

Louis' face twisted. "I suppose you want to be the big hero who gets me back in the hospital and reconciled with my dad."

Jacob shook his head. "I do like playing the hero sometimes. But I would rather you went in by choice."

"I don't want to go in!" said Louis.

"Then why are you still here?" said Jacob, quietly curious. He could do aggressive when he wanted to, but he felt this wasn't the approach to take with Louis.

Louis shrugged. "I've got to be somewhere."

"But there are other places you could be. Like your home. Or the places you go to get your fix. But you're here."

There was a long pause, then Louis spoke. His voice was fierce. "I just want him to be all right!"

"If you went inside, you'd know if he was all right," said Jacob.

"I can't, okay?"

Jacob nodded understandingly. "But you're hoping that soon, you will be able to. That's why you're still here."

Louis' voice rose with frustration. "Stop putting words into my mouth!"

"Then why don't you tell me how you really feel?" said Jacob.

"Because I don't know how I feel," muttered Louis.

* * *

Zoe paced the corridor outside her room. She knew Dylan was right. She had to tell Max the truth.

But how could she do it? How could she say the words that would break his heart again?

It had been bad enough confessing it once. The shock on his face. The pain. The tears. Zoe couldn't bear to see that again.

"Have you told him yet?"

It was Robyn. Her usually-sweet face was fierce. Zoe shivered at the sight of it.

"I don't know how," she said.

"You don't know how to break my brother's heart?" Robyn was almost sneering. "You did a pretty good job of it last time."

Zoe flinched. "I love him, Robyn," she said as tears came to her eyes.

Robyn glared at her. "Forgive me if I find that difficult to believe!"

"It was a mistake!" cried Zoe. "I was drunk. I was scared of the future. I was stupid."

"That's not really an excuse, is it?" said Robyn.

Zoe knew it wasn't. She took refuge in anger. "Maybe if you hadn't gone off and left me on my own hen night, this wouldn't have happened!"

Robyn's eyes widened in shock. "Zoe, you don't seriously think this was my fault!"

"If you'd been there; if you'd tried harder, maybe you could have stopped me."

"You shouldn't need someone to stop you from cheating on the person you love!" said Robyn.

Zoe tried again. "I wasn't responsible…"

Robyn actually shouted in her face. Sweet, gentle Robyn. "Of course you were responsible, Zoe! You're forty, not four. You were responsible for your actions and you've got to take responsibility now. Go in there. Tell him what you did. And then get out because I'm sure he won't want to see you ever again."

* * *

Cal was so frightened. He was being wheeled along a long corridor and all he could see was the ceiling. Another doctor had come in and shouted at Lily for not informing him Cal was awake. Lily had answered him calmly and coolly, but Cal didn't know why he was shouting. Lily was a good doctor. She knew what she was doing.

The doctor hadn't shouted at Cal, but he'd asked so many questions which Cal couldn't answer. He was sure he knew the answers, but he couldn't reach them. He'd cried again and felt grateful when Lily had stroked his arm. But he still wanted Ethan.

He felt Lily's hand on his shoulder. "It's going to be all right, Cal. This shouldn't take long."

"Where's Ethan?" he said. He knew he'd asked this before, but none of Lily's replies made sense. Nothing much made sense. Cal felt tears leaking out of his eyes. He was sure he ought to understand. They were in a hospital and he was a doctor.

"Ethan is talking to the police," said Lily.

Cal knew that already, but that wasn't the answer he needed. He didn't know if Ethan was in the next room or miles away. "Where is he, Lily?"

But the ceiling and the walls were closing in around him. He cried out for Lily, his good hand groping blindly. "Why... where... I can't see!"

He felt her take his hand. "You're going to have a scan, Cal. I know it's frightening, but I'm here. I won't let anything happen to you."

As the darkness closed over Cal, so close to his head, he began to thrash about in fear. There was no air in here. He needed air. "Let me out! Let me out! I want Ethan."

Lily kept hold of his hand. "You can come out soon, Cal. Try to keep still. Everything is all right."

Cal was sure he'd had scans before, but they were never like this. He felt smothered; suffocated. He lay and sobbed and begged to come out as Lily stroked his hand. The walls were getting closer and he knew he was going to die.

Then at last he was moving and he was out in the air again; able to breathe. But not able to stop crying.

"Well done, Cal," said Lily. "It's over now. It's all right."

He put his arms around her and trembled as he wept. "I want Ethan."

Lily held him. "I know, Cal. I know."


	36. Chapter 36

**Tato Potato** , don't worry - Ethan will be with Cal as soon as I can get him there! Lily's bedside manner is coming along quite nicely, but he really wants Ethan. Thank you for your review!

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I actually haven't quite decided how Cal will react when he sees Ethan, but Ethan will be able to calm him down if anyone can.

 **ETWentHome** , I think Louis definitely needs someone to help him and maybe Charlie is just too close to him. Ethan should be with Cal soon! Thank you for your review.

 **T** **anith Panic** , I'm really happy you enjoyed so much of the story. Zoe and Louis both needed a bit of confrontation so let's hope it worked! I don't like scans either. I especially hate it when the scanner makes screeching sounds. It makes me want to screech too! Thank you for your review.

* * *

Honey didn't want to cry. She knew that being arrested was tough even on a superhero, especially one with a brother who was in a serious condition in hospital. She wanted to be strong for Ethan, but it was such hard work.

Noel glanced at her, then he put his arm around Honey's shoulders. "He'll be okay, love. I'm sure he will. Nobody who spent more than five minutes with Ethan could seriously believe he was the violent type."

"He did hit someone over the head with a chair," said Honey, as the tears threatened to leak out of her eyes.

"Only because he was protecting you, Honey. And he only knocked him out. If it was me, I'd probably have killed him."

Honey put her head on her dad's shoulder. "I hope I said the right things to help him."

"Everything you said was exactly right," said Noel. "I'm proud of you, Honey. Ethan will be too. I'm sure he'll be-"

He broke off. Instinctively, Honey turned her head in the direction he was looking.

It was Ethan.

* * *

Louise didn't think she'd ever seen Robyn look so angry. It was almost like looking at a different person. Louise knew that Robyn wasn't all sunshine and smiles: she'd seen her scared; she'd seen her cry. But she'd never seen her like this.

"I just hate her!" said Robyn with clenched fists.

"Hating someone takes a lot of energy," said Louise.

"That's what I always thought," said Robyn. "But hating Zoe Hanna is the easiest thing I've ever done."

Louise's eyes travelled over Robyn's face. She noted the set jaw; the tension throughout her face; the creases in her brow and the narrowed eyes. "Are you sure about that?"

Robyn's eyes filled with tears. "How could I not hate her for what she's done to my brother?"

"That doesn't make hating her easy," said Louise. She still couldn't quite believe she was doing this. Over the last few hours, there had been so many changes. Her differences with Robyn seemed like such a long time ago. Louise could now approach her job – and her mentor – with more confidence, knowing that she'd been able to help and support Lily, who was far from the easiest person to work with. She'd seen people she'd always considered to be strong show emotion – and she'd sympathised.

It was a terrible day with terrible happenings and if Louise had the choice, she would undo the whole day so it had never happened. But she did think the day had made her a better nurse and one thing she'd always owed Rita was to be the best nurse she could.

"Zoe made a mistake," said Louise. "She made a really bad mistake that caused a lot of damage, but everyone makes mistakes. But Zoe isn't the important person here. Max is."

"Yeah, exactly!" said Robyn.

"Max needs you to support him," said Louise. "Max has decided to forgive Zoe, so if you want to support Max, you need to respect that. Every time you show your hatred of Zoe, it's going to hurt Max, isn't it?"

Robyn gasped and her eyes filled with tears. "I do respect Max! I love Max. How can you stand there and tell me I don't respect my own brother!"

"No, I didn't mean respecting Max. I know you respect Max. I meant respecting his decisions."

"Save it!" spat Robyn. "Save it for someone who cares."

Louise watched her go. _Maybe I do still have a lot to learn_.

* * *

Connie made her way slowly through the hospital, leaning on Lofty's arm. She felt that crutches didn't go with the image she had carefully cultivated, but she certainly didn't mind holding the arm of an attractive young man. Lofty, she now realised, was kind, courteous and discreet. All qualities Connie appreciated in a man, and particularly at this moment.

She'd just spoken to Dylan and had received an update on everyone's conditions. Her first thought had been to visit Zoe and Max, but Dylan had hinted it might be better to leave them to themselves for the time being. Her next thought had been for Dylan, but he'd insisted he was fine and Connie had to admit he was surprisingly calm by his recent standards.

So she'd asked Lofty to take her to see Cal – which also meant she'd be able to speak to Lily. Connie was deeply impressed by the way in which Lily had led the team and felt this was one occasion where a compliment was merited. Connie was certainly not pleased by her own actions, but Lily had done well.

Once in the main part of the hospital, they found someone to direct them to Cal's room. Lofty knocked on the door and they heard Lily's voice telling them to come in. Lofty held open the door for Connie, who stopped short at the sight Cal crying in Lily's arms.

"Thank you, Lofty. I can manage from here. Please return to the ED."

Lofty looked very worried about Cal, but he nodded and did as he was told.

Connie limped into the room. "Dr Chao, what is wrong with Dr Knight?"

"He is very distressed and confused," said Lily, administering an awkward pat to Cal's shoulder. She spoke with a reasonable attempt at gentleness. "Cal, can you sit up for me, please? Mrs Beauchamp is here."

Cal lifted his face from Lily's shoulder, leaving a wet patch on her blouse. "Where's Ethan?"

"At the police station," said Connie. "Stop crying, please, Dr Knight."

"Why is he at the police station?" said Cal, sniffling.

"The police are speaking to him," said Lily. "Sometimes they prefer to ask questions at the police station." She gave Cal a tissue. "Can you blow your nose for me, Cal? Well done. Now can you stop crying for Mrs Beauchamp?"

Connie sat beside Cal's bed and took a moment or two before speaking. "I didn't realise it was this serious."

"We don't know how serious it is," said Lily. "Cal has had a second scan, but we're not sure at this stage if he's suffered an injury to his brain or if he's severely distressed by the experience."

Connie looked at Cal, whose sobs had calmed to slight gulps. In her mind, she felt him switch from being a doctor to being a patient. "Cal, how are you feeling?"

"I'm scared," said Cal, as his eyes welled with tears once more. "I want Ethan."

"I know you do," said Connie gently. "And I'll make sure Ethan comes to see you as soon as he finishes talking to the police. It's going to be all right, Cal. Can you tell me what happened Why did you come here?"

Cal dabbed his eyes. "To find Ethan."

"Did you find him?" said Connie.

"No," said Cal. He looked at Lily. "Ethan was… Ethan was on a… a booty call."

Lily patted his shoulder. "Well done, Cal. Almost right. Ethan found out that Honey was very upset about something so he decided to go and see her during his break."

Connie frowned, convinced this wasn't the whole story, but she decided to deal with Ethan later. "How did you hurt yourself, Cal? Can you tell me?"

Cal looked like he might cry again. "The ceiling fell on my head."

* * *

Max smiled as he saw Zoe enter the room, but his happiness faded as she got closer. To begin with, he was concerned by how heavily she was limping, but then he realised her eyes were full of tears. "Zoe, come here. What is it? Is your ankle hurting?"

"I don't know," said Zoe brokenly as she sat beside him. "Maybe the pain relief is wearing off. Maybe I've been doing too much walking. I've been pacing up and down, Max. Thinking. Panicking."

Max wished he could sit up. He wanted nothing more than to take his lovely wife in his arms. Instead, he held out his hand to her. "I love you, Zoe Walker. Now tell me what's wrong."

Zoe gave a sob and her tears began to fall.

"Hey, don't cry!" Max instinctively tried to sit up, but the dull ache across his chest became a fiery pain. "Sorry, Zoe. I can't sit up. But it's going to be okay."

"No, it's not," said Zoe with another sob. "I know exactly what's going to happen because it's already happened."

Max held tightly to her hand. "Zoe, you're not making any sense. Just take a minute, yeah?"

Zoe wiped her free hand across her cheeks. "Max, I've got to tell you something."

* * *

Dylan had been feeling all right, in that he was coping. Lofty's presence had continued to be helpful and Dylan was glad he'd managed to support the younger man through his own wobble. Dylan was sad about Rita, even though they hadn't been getting on particularly well, but it hadn't devastated him as it had some of the others.

He'd felt a certain amount of apprehension on Connie's return and his feelings had admittedly been hurt when she'd initially asked for Lily, but he'd managed to deal with that too and had given a reasonably concise description of recent developments when asked.

Then Connie had decided it was time for the ED to reopen for business. Dylan had agreed with that: the hospital was safe and they needed to get on with their jobs and help people. As long as Connie was there, he was sure he would be all right.

Then Connie had announced her intention of going to see Cal.

Now, Dylan was alone. He had nurses to help him, but no doctors. He wondered if this was how Lily had felt when she'd been the only healthy doctor. Guilt began to rise steadily inside him. There was no real reason why he shouldn't have helped Lily. He'd been upset but not injured.

Nevertheless, he hadn't been able to do was required of him. His condition had prevented him from doing his job.

So maybe he was in the wrong job. If he couldn't work under stress, he was no use to the ED.


	37. Chapter 37

**CBloom2** , it's not selfish to enjoy the Cal and Ethan scenes most - that's how I feel when I watch Casualty! I usually love the whole episode, but Cal and Ethan are special. I'm enjoying the challenge of multiple storylines, but I still enjoy writing Cal and Ethan most! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. I didn't think Connie was in the right state of mind to be too severe - which is just as well considering Cal's condition! It is very difficult for Robyn too. She's a really lovely character and very loyal.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , I do like the idea of Zoe being pregnant - sometimes doctors do make mistakes, especially in Holby City Hospital! - but I'm sure a lot of people have written about Zoe and Max having children. So I'd need to think of a special twist. Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your review. I'm really happy you enjoyed so much of the last chapter. I'm really glad I got Lofty into a situation where Connie and other characters were able to appreciate him. I think everyone needs to appreciate Lofty!

 **consulting and insulting** , thank you for your review - I'm so happy you've found and enjoyed the story. It sounds like we have similar opinions of Dylan and Zoe! I didn't used to like Dylan, but I'm completely in love with him now! I hope you enjoy the next chapter.

 **20BlueRoses** , Cal is showing signs of improvement and Ethan's arrival will probably only help, but unless I have a miraculous recovery planned, it's still going to be a shock for Ethan! Thank you for your review - I'm so pleased you're enjoying it.

 **ETWentHome** , I'm sure Ethan will want to get back to Cal as quickly as possible, even though he doesn't know Cal's woken up. Thank you for your review - I appreciate all your reviews, but this one gave me an idea which I've used in this chapter, so thank you!

* * *

Max's face fell slightly. "That doesn't sound good."

Zoe looked down at her hand, entwined with Max's, and her eyes filled with tears.

Max smiled at her. "Zoe, we're married and I love you. There's nothing you can't tell me."

 _Say it, Zoe. Just say it!_ "It's about… it's about my hen night."

Max laughed softly, then winced slightly in pain. "Did you have a stripper? Is that what this is about? You want to confess to me?"

"Yes… no…. well, yes…" Zoe was becoming confused now. She pressed her hand to her forehead and tried to think. "Max, I got very drunk. I don't know how because I don't think I drank that much. I didn't want to be hungover for my wedding. But I got very drunk and I woke up in the flat and… I'm so sorry, Max… there was a man there. I don't remember anything about it. He says all he did was bring me home because I was in a state and I couldn't find any of my friends, but Robyn thinks something happened and I'm just so scared she's right. I love you so much, Max, and I don't know what to do!"

* * *

Lofty was shaking as he re-entered the ED. He was used to seeing people in a confused state. He was even, to an extent, used to seeing injured colleagues. But nothing had prepared him for seeing Cal.

He went outside, still in a bit of a daze, and discovered Dylan sitting on a bench, staring moodily in front of him. Lofty felt a wave of emotion. He sat beside Dylan and threw his arms around him.

"Ben? What are you doing?" Dylan sounded confused, but then his voice changed. "What's wrong?"

"Everything," said Lofty quietly.

Dylan put a tentative hand on Lofty's back. "Yes, I know. It's very difficult."

Lofty blinked back tears. He let go of Dylan but stayed close to him. "I just saw Cal. I think he's brain-damaged or something."

"Ben, you're a much more competent nurse than I realised, but you're not qualified to diagnose a brain injury. Even if you're correct, a full recovery is possible. Wait and see what the experts say."

"I know you're right, but he… he was like a little boy," said Lofty. "So lost and scared. Mrs Beauchamp was different too. Sort of defeated and sad and… well, unsure of herself. Mrs Beauchamp never gets like that! Lily's keeping it together really well, but even she's different. She was giving Cal a cuddle and being nice to him. _Lily!_ Where have they all gone, Dylan? And will we ever get them back?"

"Of course we will," said Dylan. "We've all been through a lot. It's going to affect us, but the effects won't necessarily be permanent. Not for Cal; not for Mrs Beauchamp; not for Lily..." An odd look came into his eyes. "And perhaps not for me."

Lofty put his hand on Dylan's arm. "You're going to be just as affected as anyone else, Dylan. If not more so because you weren't well to start with."

"I feel as though I'm not coping," said Dylan slowly. "As though everything is falling apart. Do you think anyone else feels like that?"

"We all do, Dylan," said Lofty. "Not necessarily all to the same extent or in the same way or at the same times… but yeah. All of us."

"So, my feelings; my reactions: they're… _normal_?" said Dylan.

Lofty smiled. "They're not a lot of fun for you, but they're completely normal, Dylan, yes."

* * *

Ethan was grateful for the warmth of Honey's hand in his. When he'd finally been told he could leave, he'd run into Honey's arms and nearly cried. On the journey home, he'd still been fighting tears. Noel had said a few supportive words and then left him to Honey. Now, as Ethan and Honey made the journey to Cal's room, he wondered how much more he could take; how much longer he could stay in control.

When they reached Cal's room, he stopped.

"Are we going in then?" said Honey.

Ethan was considering his answer when the door opened.

"Ethan," said Connie, much to his surprise. She almost always called him Dr Hardy. "How are you?"

"Perhaps a little bit wobbly by my standards," he said with a shaky smile. "How's Cal? Can I go in?"

Connie held up her hand. "Please wait a moment, Ethan. Cal has woken up, but he's very distressed and frightened. He's been asking for you."

"Then I'll go in at once," said Ethan, taking a step towards Cal's door, but Connie forestalled him.

"Ethan, before you go in, I need to tell you something. Are you happy for Honey to be with you?"

"He better had be because I'm not going anywhere!" said Honey. She put her arm around Ethan's waist and held him tightly.

Ethan's heart was beating fast. "I would like Honey to stay if that's all right. Is it bad news, Mrs Beauchamp? Please just tell me."

"All right," said Connie. "Firstly, I would like to stress that this could be nothing other than a reaction to the events of today." Connie's voice softened. "But he isn't himself, Ethan. I'm so sorry."

"Not himself?" burst out Ethan, as Honey held him more tightly. "What does that mean?"

"He's very distressed, confused and frightened," said Connie. "He doesn't really know what's going on, though he did recognise Lily and me. He can't remember very much of what's happened, though of course that's not uncommon with a head injury. He's had an MRI scan and we're waiting for the results. That's all I can tell you." Connie squeezed Ethan's arm. "I'm so sorry, Ethan."

* * *

Jacob sighed. "I'm sorry, Charlie. I tried, but I couldn't get through to him."

Charlie saw the regret and guilt in his face and smiled reassuringly. "It doesn't matter, Jacob. It's very difficult to get through to Louis. It means a lot to me that you tried."

"I don't think he's a bad kid," said Jacob. "He was really worried about you."

"I know. He was talking to me," said Charlie. "I heard his voice in my dream."

Jacob nodded. "It's like, his intentions are good, but when it comes to it, I think he kind of panics a bit."

"That's what I've been telling myself," admitted Charlie. "I've tried to understand. I've given him so many chances, Jacob. There have been times when I seemed to be getting somewhere. Times when he was doing really well."

"I think with something like that, there will always be ups and downs," said Jacob.

"I suppose the only question," said Charlie, "is how many ups and downs I'm prepared to go through."

He saw the shock on Jacob's face, though the other man quickly tried to hide it. "You're thinking of… of…"

"Of giving up on him?" Charlie gave Jacob a sad smile. "Yes, I suppose I am."

There was no censure on Jacob's face. "Sometimes, giving up can take more courage than carrying on."

"I think Louis would agree with that," said Charlie heavily. "The thing is, with something like this, I think you do have to be ready to make a change. If he doesn't feel ready to let the darker side go, there's nothing I or anyone else can do."

Jacob nodded, sadness in his eyes. He put his hand supportively on Charlie's arm. "So, that's what you're going to do?"

"That's what I need to think about," said Charlie. "I'm not a young man, Jacob, and not a healthy man. I need to consider myself too. It's not an easy thing to do after years of devoting myself to other people. But I need to treat myself like any other patient. Think of my own needs. Decide what they are. And then..." He stopped.

Louis had just entered the room.

* * *

Robyn jumped as she felt a hand on her arm. "What are you doing?" she hissed.

"I was going to ask you the same question," said Louise.

Robyn didn't know why she was so angry with her, but in truth she felt angry with everyone at the moment. Especially herself. Max had suffered so much and even though she was his sister and a nurse, she could do nothing.

"Okay, if I answer your question, will you answer mine?" said Louise. "What I'm doing is making sure you don't do anything stupid."

Stung, Robyn glared at her. "It's Zoe who's done something stupid!"

"Yeah, obviously, but that doesn't mean it's okay for you to do something stupid too," said Louise.

"I don't have time for this." Robyn looked through the window of Max's room again and gasped in horror. Zoe had got to her feet and was bending over Max. As her lips touched his, Max lifted a hand slightly and placed it on her hip. Robyn wrenched the door open, ignoring Louise's plea for her to stop, and rushed over to them. "I told you to tell him!"

Both of them jumped and Max gave a small cry of pain.

"Now look what you've done!" said Robyn, and burst into tears.

"I have told him!" said Zoe. "And he's decided to forgive me. Is that so hard to believe?"

Robyn stared at Max, tears dripping down her cheeks. "You're seriously going to take her back? After everything?"

"I already have done," said Max.

Robyn ran out of the room and into Louise's waiting arms.


	38. Chapter 38

_Thank you for taking me to over 200 reviews - it really is amazing to have so much support and encouragement._

 _I've planned two more chapters for this story, but if the scenes overrun my target word length, there might be more._

 **consulting and insulting** , I used to like Honey, but I hate the way she treated Ethan. Unfortunately, she was at the ED at the time that this story is set (plus I'm writing another story about Honey and Ethan) so I'm kind of stuck writing about her! Thank you for your review - I'm so glad you're enjoying this.

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you like the way I write Robyn - I was worried she was a bit out of character. She's one of the characters I've enjoyed writing most in this story so your comment really means a lot.

 **Tanith Panic** , here's the second slice you asked for! I like a bit of sensitive Lofty! I think Robyn probably will accept it eventually - she's usually very forgiving, given time. But there's not much time until the end of the story... Thank you for your review.

 **littleboots1996** , thank you for your review - it's really good to know you're still enjoying it. I don't think Connie and Lofty have had much to do with each other in the series, so I was pleasantly surprised to discover they make quite a good team.

 **ETWentHome** , I agree with you about Zoe - she's much better at her job than she is at marriage! There isn't very much Robyn doesn't find out. I think Ethan's presence can only help Cal. Thank you for your review!

* * *

Lily looked up as the door opened. She saw Connie framed in the doorway, poised and elegant, as Lily dreamed of being. Beyond Connie stood a rather pale Ethan with Honey at his side.

"Ethan?" said Cal. He sat up and held out his hand to his brother. "Ethan?"

Lily got out of the way so Ethan could envelope Cal in a hug. Cal was crying again. Ethan didn't seem far from it. It seemed a private moment which Lily had no wish to intrude upon, but she also knew it would be difficult for both brothers and they would need support – not that she was best-equipped to provide it.

"Lily, let's give Cal, Ethan and Honey some space," said Connie. "I need to speak to you."

Lily nodded and withdrew from the room, passing Honey in the doorway. Their eyes met but, for once, not with dislike. In the corridor, Lily faced Connie, realising that the clinical lead wasn't poised and elegant after all. Every hair was perfectly in place and her make-up was immaculate, but at the same time, Connie seemed in disarray.

"Lily, first of all, I hope you'll allow me to say that I'm very impressed with your work today," said Connie. "It sounds like you've done an excellent job in very trying circumstances and this only confirms what a very bright future you have. So I would like to say congratulations – and thank you."

"Thank you, Mrs Beauchamp!" Lily would have liked to receive the compliment calmly, but she couldn't. It meant too much to her. "I wasn't always calm inside."

Connie smiled slightly. "Shall I tell you a secret, Lily? I don't think anyone is calm inside all the time. Not in this job. It's not possible. A lot of the time, even outward calm deserts us. One reason why we work as a team in a hospital is because we all need support, however much we might like to think we're invincible. What I do know without doubt is that everyone connected with the ED needed you – and you delivered."

Lily looked almost shyly up at Connie. "Do you think, one day, I will be a consultant?"

"If that's what you want, Lily, I don't doubt it for one moment. You're intelligent, capable and mentally very strong." Connie paused. "And that's why I'd like to ask your advice."

* * *

"So, that's it?" burst out Louis. "You're giving up on me?"

"No, I'm not," said Charlie quietly. "I've just given up on thinking I can force you to do what you're not ready to do."

Louis looked even more upset. "No, Dad, I can do this. I can. I mean it this time."

Charlie felt his hopes begin to rise. He squashed them firmly down. Sometimes, hope wasn't a positive thing. "If you are ready, Louis, then that's good news."

Resentment came into Louis' face. "But you don't think I am."

"I honestly don't think I'm in any position to know," said Charlie. "You would know that better than I would. If you're ready, then I'm very happy."

Louis glared at him. "You're doubting me!"

"Of course I'm not doubting you," said Charlie. "I'm just not allowing myself to have hopes or expectations. They make it more difficult for you. For both of us."

Louis' eyes were wide with hurt. "If you don't believe in me, who will?"

"I'm not saying I don't believe in you, but you've got to believe in _yourself_ , Louis," said Charlie. "You've got to believe you're ready to beat this."

Louis backed away from the bed. "You don't believe in me… you're my dad…"

Jacob's hand came down on Louis' shoulder. "That's not what he said, Louis. You've got to listen to the words. Listen to the way he says the words."

"I heard them," said Louis in a low voice. He twisted away from Jacob's grasp. "I can't believe you'd just give up on me!"

Charlie held out a hand to him. "No, Louis. That's not what I meant. I'm still here for you. Whenever you're ready, I'll be here."

"But in the meantime, I'm on my own, right?"

"Of course not," said Charlie.

"On my own. On my own. Always on my own." Louis seemed almost to be talking to himself. "No-one believes in me... No-one likes me..."

"I like you, mate," said Jacob. "And if you'd just listen to your dad…"

Louis swung round to glare at him. "He's the one who's not listening to me. But listen to this, Dad!" He faced Charlie again. "I'm going. And this time, you won't see me again."

* * *

Cal clung to Ethan desperately. He didn't know what was going on and he was scared, but it wasn't so bad now Ethan was here. He felt Ethan stroking his hair.

"Where were you?" said Cal fretfully.

Ethan kept his arm around Cal but sat back so he could see his face. "I was asked to go to the police station."

"I'm scared," whimpered Cal. "I don't understand."

Ethan's face seemed to quiver. "I know you're scared, Cal. But I'm here now and I'm going to look after you. Can you tell me what it is you don't understand?"

Cal tried to think, but it was so hard. He knew the answers to Ethan's questions were there. But something was obscuring them; preventing Cal from getting there. "I don't know, Ethan. I'm just scared."

"It's natural to be scared after what's happened to you," said Ethan. "But you're safe now."

Cal put his arms around his brother and buried his face in his chest. Ethan's arms closed around him.

"Safe," said Cal. "Safety net."

There was a pause, then a little gulping sound. "That's right, Cal. I'm your safety net."

"I'm glad you're here," said Cal.

Ethan stroked his hair. "I'm glad too."

"I fractured my wrist," said Cal. "Simple fracture. Closed fracture."

"That's right," said Ethan encouragingly. "Do you know which bone?"

"I don't know," said Cal. He was sure he ought to know, but the answer wouldn't come. "Why don't I know, Ethan? I'm a doctor. I know the wrist bones. Trapezium. Trapezoid." It was all right. He knew them. "Capitate." Then his mind went blank again. "I don't know the next one, Ethan! Why don't I know?"

Ethan made another gulping sound. "You've had a big shock, Cal. I think it's going to take you a little while to recover. But I'll be here every step of the way."

Cal felt soothed by the sound of his brother's voice. He sounded like he knew what was going on. Perhaps it was enough if one of them did. "I love you, Ethan."

"I love you too," whispered Ethan.

* * *

Zoe looked down at Max as he slept and wondered what she'd done. She'd saved their relationship, but she didn't feel happy.

It was only a minor but significant retelling of events. If their marriage was to be a success, she would have to keep lying to him for the rest of their lives.

Zoe felt a tear slide down her face. Could she really do this? Could she really keep up this lie forever?

It might not work, of course. Sooner or later, Robyn might either figure out for herself that Max didn't know everything or she might refer to the incident in a way that would make Max realise the truth. Zoe's lie didn't guarantee lifelong happiness.

From Zoe's point of view, it didn't guarantee happiness at all – and sooner or later, Max would realise she wasn't happy.

Wouldn't he?

If he really loved her, he would. And if he didn't really love her…

The tears were getting out of control now. Zoe got out of her seat and limped towards the door. She didn't know where she was going. She walked, blinded by tears, until she bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going!" said Robyn sharply.

Zoe cried even harder. "Robyn, what am I going to do?"

* * *

Louise wasn't always good at understanding how people were feeling. The scientific side of nursing wasn't a problem for her, but the social side continued to be a struggle.

Yet, as Dylan and Lofty walked towards her, she could see exactly how they were feeling. Exhausted. They weren't quite holding each other up, but Lofty's body slumped towards Dylan's and Dylan's towards Lofty.

"How are you doing?" she asked gently. Louise was good at speaking gently when she wanted to, though it was usually a cultivated effort rather than a genuine expression of concern.

"We're perfectly all right," said Dylan.

Louise didn't believe it for a moment. "Come on. I'll make you a cup of tea."

Lofty shook his head, but there was a smile on his face. "Thanks, Louise, but there's no time. We have patients to help."

"And I'm the only doctor," added Dylan.

"You'll be a much better doctor with a tea inside you," said Louise.

One interpersonal skill with which she didn't struggle was forcefulness.

"Go on. Go and see to one patient," she said. "When you're done, come to the staff room and there'll be a cup of tea waiting for you."

She looked at them challengingly. The smile on Lofty's face showed that he'd seen the futility of arguing.

"You need to look after yourselves too," said Louise. "Or at least look after each other."


	39. Chapter 39

_Thank you so much for the reviews - it really is the loveliest feeling to get so many._

 _The parts about Cal might not be medically accurate. I looked at several sites, but they all gave slightly different information._

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. I'm certain Ethan would be completely behind Cal if anything like this ever happened in the series - though I really hope it won't! Writing it is emotional enough!

 **Tato Potato** , I'm sure it does help Cal to have Ethan there. I hope he seems a bit calmer now! I'm relieved you feel sorry for him because that means I haven't messed up writing it! Thank you for your review.

 **Tanith Panic** , this has turned out to be a much sadder story than I intended, but one of my original plans was for Louise to become a nicer person. So I've succeeded in that at least! Thank you for your review.

 **CasualtyFanForever81** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the previous chapter - I hope you will enjoy this one too, though it isn't the happiest chapter I've ever written!

 **CBloom2** , I usually find Louise annoying too. There are sometimes hints that she's changing for the better, but I'm always disappointed! So now I'm changing her irrevocably for the better! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I've always thought the staff of Casualty were caring, but there are also cliques and rivalries. One thing I've enjoyed with this story is mixing it up so they're supporting people they're not really close to. Though of course I couldn't keep Cal and Ethan apart forever!

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review and for your very kind comments about the Cal and Ethan scene. I really hope the Cal and Ethan scenes in this chapter will work too! I agree with you about Zoe - let's see her do the right thing for a change!

* * *

Honey felt like a spare part. Unwanted. When they'd been running from the police, Ethan had needed her. Now he seemed to have forgotten her existence.

Ethan helped Cal to lie down and tucked him in. "There you are, Cal," he said gently. "It's okay. I'm not leaving you. I promise."

Ethan stroked Cal's hand as he drifted off to sleep, then sat quietly, watching him. As Honey watched, Ethan's control broke. Tears streamed from his eyes and he put his hand over his mouth to muffle his sobs.

Honey gave him a hug. "It's going to be okay, Ethan."

"I'm sorry," sobbed Ethan.

"No, it's okay," said Honey. "It's really… manly to have emotions."

"It's just so hard seeing him like this," wept Ethan.

Honey massaged his back. "Yeah. Yeah, it must be. But at least he doesn't fancy himself anymore."

The look Ethan gave her was far from loving. "Honey, I would give anything for him to turn back into his old self right now. I would love him to wake up now and tease me for being a crybaby and then push the bedclothes back to reveal two naked blondes. All I can do is hope that one day he'll ask me to cover for him while he runs off on another booty call. But I love him as he is now. Of course I do. I'll look after him forever if I have to. I'll do whatever it takes. But most of all, I just want him to be happy. And he's not!"

Honey tried not to feel horrified. "So, you think he might have to live with us? Forever?"

"If this is permanent, he'll have to live with _me_ forever," said Ethan. He squinted down at Cal and ghosted his thumb across the back of his hand. "I love you, Honey, and I very much hope you'll live with us too. But it's your choice. If you want to be with me, you have to know that Cal might be part of our life too. And I want him to be part of it. I love Cal, Honey."

"Right," said Honey. She reminded herself of how impressed Noel would be if she married Ethan and helped to care for his mad brother. "Yeah. Yeah, I want that too."

* * *

Robyn ignored the voice in her head telling her to give Zoe a hug. Zoe didn't deserve a hug! Not after what she'd done to Max.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" said Robyn.

"I lied to Max!" wailed Zoe. "I told him I was completely drunk and I didn't know what I was doing and I couldn't remember what happened that night. I told him the guy swore nothing happened. And Max forgave me and I hoped we could move on and forget about it, but I can't forget it. Max deserves better than that."

"Yes: he deserves to know what kind of woman he's married to!" said Robyn.

"Yes, he does," agreed Zoe, sniffling. "I think the drink probably did play a part. And pre-wedding nerves. It doesn't make any difference, but I've never done anything like that to Max before. I never will again."

Robyn knew she shouldn't trust anything that came out of the woman's mouth. She'd already admitted to lying to Max. But Robyn, for some reason, believed her. Part of the reason why Zoe's behaviour had shocked her so much was because it did seem so out of character. Zoe had a bit of a short temper and, yes, she could get a bit silly after a few drinks, but she'd always struck Robyn as being a really kind, loving person – both as a doctor and as a girlfriend.

"I promise you, Robyn," said Zoe, more calmly. "I am telling the truth."

"I believe you," said Robyn slowly. "God knows why after everything you've done, but I believe you."

Zoe looked at her desperately. "So what am I going to do?"

Robyn wanted to scream at her to go to Max and tell him the truth, but she didn't. "How would you feel if you were in his place?" said Robyn instead. "If he told you a story like that and you forgave him and then one day you woke up and remembered everything?"

"I would feel very betrayed," admitted Zoe. "And manipulated."

Robyn nodded and finally allowed herself to put her arm around Zoe. "So maybe that's your answer?"

* * *

Connie wasn't used to being in this position. She did, very occasionally, ask other people for advice, but they tended to be other consultants or people she'd known for a long time: people whose sound judgement she knew she could rely on, such as Charlie.

She hadn't known Lily for that long. She was young and relatively inexperienced. But she'd done an excellent job today.

But now it came to it, Connie wasn't sure what to say. It seemed a ridiculous thing for a clinical lead to say to her most junior doctor (even if the doctor was a registrar); ridiculous in any case that Connie would need advice.

"Do you require an update on any of our staff?" said Lily. "I have been keeping an eye on both their mental and physical conditions."

"Good," said Connie. "Is there anyone you feel should not be working?"

Lily considered. "I have doubts about Dr Keogh."

Connie nodded: this was no surprise. "Tell him to go home."

Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "You wish _me_ to do this, Mrs Beauchamp?"

"Yes, why not?" said Connie. "You have been leading the team very well and it seems as though they trust you."

"I… I have tried to do a good job," said Lily with unusual uncertainty.

"And you have done a good job," said Connie. "So, carry on, please." She turned away.

She couldn't stay here. She would go home and leave Lily in charge and decide what to do tomorrow.

"Mrs Beauchamp, are you in pain?" said Lily. "I will help you back to the ED."

"Thank you," said Connie, and took Lily's arm. They walked in silence and Connie was grateful for that. Lily was not one to indulge in idle chatter. Rather like Connie herself.

But if Connie asked her a question, Lily would answer it calmly, clearly and truthfully. If Connie asked her whether the others blamed her for Rita's death, Lily would not dodge the question.

Connie turned to look at her as they walked. Lily walked confidently, but her face showed signs of strain. Finally, Connie realised what she had to do. Lily had done admirably, but she had done enough. Connie couldn't give her further responsibility. If Connie was blamed for Rita's death, she would find out soon enough. There was no need to worry Lily; to show weakness to Lily. Perhaps one day, they could have a more equal relationship, but it couldn't happen now.

"Do you still wish me to take the lead?" said Lily, her face expressionless.

"No," said Connie with firmness. "But I appreciate and value your support, Lily. I want you to know that."

She thought she saw a spark of happiness in Lily's eyes, but her voice showed only determination. "I will do everything I can, Mrs Beauchamp."

Connie spoke with quiet confidence. "I know you will, Dr Chao."

* * *

Ethan jumped as the doctor entered the room. He felt Honey's hands moving soothingly across his shoulders. Cal remained asleep.

"Dr Hardy, I have news about your brother."

Ethan felt his hand tense around Cal's. With an effort, he loosened his hold.

"We have the results of the MRI scan. I'm very sorry to inform you that Caleb has sustained a moderate injury to the brain."

Ethan tried to speak but couldn't. He heard Honey gasp, but she too said nothing.

"As Caleb is young and very healthy, a full recovery isn't impossible," said the doctor. "But it's too early to say one way or the other. If recovery does happen, it's not always immediate. But I won't lie to you, Dr Hardy. I'm sure you know how difficult brain injuries can be. If two people sustain identical injuries, they won't have identical symptoms or be affected to the same extent. I really can't make any promises."

Ethan's eyes were full of tears. "I understand."

The doctor's voice was sympathetic. "We'd like to keep him overnight for observation. If we're satisfied, he is likely to be released in the next couple of days as long as there will be someone available to look after him. It's likely that he'll need psychological support and occupational therapy. Perhaps physical therapy or speech and language therapy: it's too early at this stage to tell what he'll need. The only thing I can say for sure is that Caleb will need support."

"I'll be here for him," said Ethan, as the tears poured down his cheeks. He looked down at his brother. "I'll be here for you, Cal. I promise."

* * *

Max watched as Zoe wept. She was too overcome to continue, but Max waited. He felt as though he could wait for a long time.

It wasn't as though he was happy to wait. Every moment was agony and not because of the physical pain. That had faded almost completely away because it didn't matter.

But he had to wait; he had to stay silent because in order to speak, you needed to move and Max couldn't. He was frozen. Mind and body frozen in a moment of horror - but the cold feeling around him did not numb the pain.

"I was very drunk, Max," cried Zoe. "I was drunk and nervous. I can't tell you what I was thinking because I don't know. But I remember what happened. I made the decision to bring him back to my flat and I did sleep with him. I didn't want to tell you this. I love you so much and I have never regretted anything as much as this. But I can't live my life knowing that, at any point, you might remember. I think that would hurt you more than telling you now. I know you won't want me back. But if I tell you now, you've got your life ahead of you. You've got time to recover and find someone who deserves you." Zoe stopped speaking again and cried some more. "Okay. I'm going to go now. I know it won't mean anything, but I love you, Max. And I'm so, so sorry to cause you so much pain."

She stood up and limped away.

Max heard the door closed. He heard Zoe continuing to sob as she walked down the corridor.

He lay there and the agony of the rest of his life began.


	40. Chapter 40

_I know I said this would be the last chapter, but as usual, I'm wrong. There will be one more chapter after this - or two if I can't fit everything into one chapter._

 **Guest** , thank you for your review. I don't think I can do a Zax reunion as this story is about losing people, but I was thinking of writing a scene with hints that a reunion could be possible. Zoe and Max's story is so complicated, their reunion would really need a story of its own!

 **CBloom2** , I definitely agree about Honey! If she really loves him, she will accept Ethan's decision. If she doesn't really love him, the sooner she gets lost, the better! Thank you for your review.

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. It will be very tough for Cal, but Ethan's support will definitely help him. I love the way they're always there for each other when anything bad happens, so I wanted that to happen in this story too.

 **Angel2021** , I was never that keen on Max so I can understand, but I tried to write all the characters (with one exception) as sympathetically as possible in this story, even when they were driving me mad onscreen! Thank you for your review.

 **Guest** , thank you so much for your review. That's really kind of you and I do appreciate it. I have read a lot of amazing fanfictions on this site so that is a great compliment. I hope you enjoy the last couple of chapters.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. I thought about Max hearing it from someone else, but I wanted Zoe to do the right thing. Brain injuries are difficult to predict, but Ethan will be clinging on to the possibility too!

* * *

 _A few days later_

Someone was in the room with him.

Charlie opened his eyes. He half-sat up; half-called out a name.

But nobody was there.

He sank back onto his pillow. Just another dream. More wishful thinking. That was all.

Charlie jumped as the door to his room opened. He sat up again, his eyes going eagerly to the door, but only Jacob was there.

"Charlie, you okay, mate?" Jacob crossed the room with quick strides. "What is it?"

Charlie couldn't help asking. "Has Louis been here?"

There was sympathy in Jacob's eyes. "Sorry, Charlie. I don't think so."

* * *

Lofty could see and hear the change in Dylan. At first it was so slight, only a close friend could have detected it, but the longer Dylan remained in the cubicle, the more his tension and discomfort grew.

Lofty moved around the bed, stepping into Dylan's field of vision, hoping that would give Dylan some comfort. He saw Dylan's eyes flicker briefly in his direction.

The minutes ticked by. Dylan finished his examination and asked Lofty to take some bloods before almost running out of the cubicle. Lofty wanted to go after him, but he knew he had a job to do and if he rushed, he would only drop things.

Then he saw Louise coming towards him. A new, calmer, kinder Louise who smiled at Lofty as though she meant it and stopped to ask if he was okay.

"Louise, I need your help," said Lofty.

"That's what I'm here for," said Louise.

* * *

Zoe knew she could take more time off if she wanted to. Ordinarily, Connie would have insisted she went home, but they were still very short of doctors. They didn't know when or if Cal and Ethan would be back and Dylan was struggling.

Zoe left Resus and stopped for a moment, leaning against the wall, trying to let the stress of saving the patient's life seep out of her without allowing thoughts of Max to creep in.

The doors opened again and Robyn came out, her expression sombre. "You okay, Zoe?" Her voice was guarded.

"Yeah," said Zoe. She stood up straight and gave Robyn a smile. "It's not an easy job, is it? But I wouldn't do anything else."

Robyn nodded, a look of complete understanding on her face. "No. Neither would I."

* * *

Ethan kept his arm around Cal as they walked into the living room together. Cal was still a bit shaky walking and often became dizzy. "Here you are, Cal," he said as he helped his brother to sit down. "What would you like to watch?"

Cal sat quietly while he thought about it. " _24 Hours in A &E_."

Ethan hesitated. Cal had got so upset last time they'd watched that. He'd had trouble following the procedures, though his headache had been particularly severe that day.

"You said I could choose!" said Cal.

"Okay," said Ethan quickly. He reminded himself that Cal never had liked it when Ethan objected to his choice of TV programme.

There was a knock on the door. Cal looked fearfully at Ethan.

"I'll answer it," said Ethan.

He opened the door.

"Hey, Ethan," said Honey.

* * *

Dylan sat on a bench outside the ED and tried to breathe more slowly. He was trying not to let things bother him, but he knew now that disasters could happen and they could tear your life apart.

"There you are!" Lofty sat beside him.

Anxiety gripped Dylan again. "Is there something wrong? Does the patient need me?"

"No, everything's fine," said Lofty reassuringly. "I just wanted to check you were okay."

Dylan felt close to tears. "Ben, I can't do this. It's too much. I keep thinking things."

"Did you go to counselling yesterday?" asked Lofty.

Dylan shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it. I'm not ready to talk about it."

Lofty nodded as though he understood. "Maybe you should take a few days off. Zoe's almost back at her normal hours and the locums are getting to know the place pretty well now."

"I can't," said Dylan abruptly.

"Can you tell me why you can't?"

"Going off work is surprisingly easy," said Dylan. "it's the coming back again that I don't think I can do."

* * *

Lily held the phone more tightly against her ear. "No," she said sadly. "I don't think I'll be able to take my consultant's exams anytime soon."

"Then why are you telling me this, Lily?"

"I led the department when the hospital was facing a state of emergency," said Lily unsteadily. "I proved that I can do the job not only of a consultant but a clinical lead and I did it well."

"For a few hours, and only in your opinion."

"Not only in my opinion," said Lily as a tear ran down her cheek. "In the opinion of many people."

"Lily," said her father, "why are you telling me this? What did you expect me to say?"

Lily sniffed. "I hoped you would say you were proud of me."

"When you have done something to make me proud, perhaps I will."

Lily ended the call as tears of anger and disappointment coursed down her cheeks. "And when I have done something to make you proud, perhaps I won't tell you!" she whispered.

A hand touched her shoulder. "Lily, I'm sure he's proud of you," said Connie.

"He's not," sobbed Lily. "I'm starting to believe he never will be. So, that is it. It is finished. I will not contact him again. Not even if I become clinical lead of the best hospital in the world."

Connie smiled. "After my job already, Dr Chao?"

Lily blinked at her, confused, and then the reality of what she'd said sank in. "Mrs Beauchamp, I apologise," she said as she wiped her tears away. "I should not have said that. I should not have made a scene."

"Don't apologise," said Connie. "I wouldn't!" She smiled again. "You stood up to him, Lily. I'm proud of you."

Lily stared at her. "You're what?"

"Proud of you," said Connie, almost conversationally. She took Lily's arm and led her towards her office. "And not just for that, Dr Chao. Certainly not just for that."

* * *

Max couldn't see much through the window. Just blurred images of people walking past. Most of the time, he didn't know who they were. But he knew Robyn and he knew Lofty and he knew _her_.

Lying here, often all alone, there was little he could do but think, and much as he'd tried to chase the thoughts of Zoe from his mind, he'd realised pretty early on that it was impossible.

He turned her words over and over in his mind. Not just what she'd confessed to him, but everything he could remember since they'd first got together. Desperately looking for clues without knowing why.

But he found nothing. They said everything seemed obvious in retrospect, but nothing was obvious to Max.

Nothing but the fact that Zoe really had seemed to love him.

* * *

Cal didn't understand. He didn't understand a lot of things now. Ethan said it was because he wasn't well and it was going to take him a bit of time to get better. Cal's head ached all the time, even after he'd taken his painkillers, and it was hard to think when you had a headache.

He certainly had no idea what Honey was going on about. It didn't make sense. How could anyone want to break up with Ethan?

"It's just not working," said Honey. "I thought I'd do anything to make my dad proud and it turns out that isn't true. I can't sacrifice my whole future for him. It's not fair on me to be with a guy I'm not that into just because going out with a doctor would impress my dad."

"You're not into me?" Ethan could hardly get the words out. "Since when?"

"Since always, really," said Honey. "I mean, I do think you're hot. And I'd so much rather be with you than Cal or Dylan. But I want an exciting life, Ethan. It was okay when you were saving lives and running away from the police, but if you're going to spend your whole life sitting at home with Cal, I'm sorry, but that's not for me."

"So, you never liked me?" said Ethan. His eyes filled with tears.

Honey shrugged. "No point in pretending. Not really."

Cal stepped in front of Ethan. "Get out!"

Honey gave him a dismissive look. "Ethan, please keep him under control."

"Get out and leave my brother alone!" shouted Cal. "He's worth a million of you."

Honey didn't leave, but she did take a step back. Cal slammed the door in her face and turned to his tearful brother.

"Come on, Ethan," said Cal. He put his arm around Ethan and walked him over to the sofa. "She's stupid. You'll meet someone much nicer than her. " He went to get Ethan a tissue, trying to ignore the pain in his head. Ethan needed him. "Here you are, Ethan. Don't cry." He gave Ethan a big hug. "It's okay, Ethan. She's just horrible. You're the most interesting person ever and I love you."


	41. Chapter 41

_Okay, I lied again. This isn't the end as I couldn't fit the whole of the ending into one chapter. I'm sorry. You'll never trust a word I say ever again!_

 **Tato Potato** , thank you for your review. Even though Cal has changed as a result of his injury, I wanted him to be the same person in other ways and I felt at least some of his instincts - for example, to protect Ethan - would be the same. I'm really glad you liked that.

 **CBloom2** , I'm so happy you like the way I write Cal and Ethan. They've both been changed by Cal's injury, but I hope in some ways they're still Cal and Ethan. A full recovery for Cal is definitely possible or I never could have written this! Thank you for your review. I really appreciate it.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - it's really nice to know you think I've written it well. It has been difficult to write in some ways, but I'm really going to miss it when it ends! Tragedies can really bring people together - I almost feel guilty for how much I've enjoyed writing about it!

 **consulting and insulting** , I love Connie and Lily's relationship too. I'm hoping that they'll gradually get closer in the series. I was in two minds about making Honey horrible in this story, but to be honest, she was getting in the way of Cal and Ethan's relationship! Thank you for your review.

 **20BlueRoses** , thank you for your review. It is difficult squeezing every character into one chapter, but I have just about managed to do it! I agree that Cal will definitely want to get back to being a doctor. Honey is an idiot, but Ethan can do better! And you were right not to believe this is the last part!

 **Tanith Panic** , thank you for your reviews and here's the 'more' you requested! I think Robyn has realised Zoe is more fool than bitch (sorry, Dervla). I thought Dylan would need support and only one person could offer it. I really wanted to show that Cal can still support Ethan so I'm glad you liked that.

* * *

Connie mostly remembered the positives now.

Occasionally, a bad memory would shoot across the edge of her consciousness: Rita putting Grace in danger. Rita framing Connie for murder.

But then the good would come to the surface. Rita the excellent nurse: caring, sympathetic, empathic and probably as good as Connie at knowing when someone was hiding something. A very dangerous enemy, as Connie knew only too well, but perhaps there wasn't a better friend.

It was unfortunate Rita had hardly ever been Connie's friend, but that didn't change the good she'd done for the department.

That was why Connie wanted to be at Rita's funeral, but the question remained: what would Rita want?

* * *

Charlie didn't know why he was thinking of him now. He should be thinking of Rita: his colleague. His friend.

Rita was gone and that was tragic. It was a day to think of Rita and to support the many who were affected by her death. Not a day to remember someone who didn't want to be part of Charlie's life.

It was foolish to wish Louis could be there beside him. Even if their relationship was mended, Charlie couldn't have let him go to the funeral. Not after what had happened at the wedding.

But it was still Louis Charlie was thinking of as he got ready; Louis who came into his mind a hundred times a day.

Louis, who, for all Charlie knew, could also be dead.

* * *

At first, Zoe hadn't worried about the funeral. She'd known it would be difficult, but she'd thought she would get through it.

Then she'd found out Max was going.

Zoe didn't know if she was grateful to Robyn for telling her or not. Perhaps, without all this time to worry, she might have found it easier. She was used to dealing with sudden shocks. Almost every patient was unexpected. Many diagnoses came as a horrible surprise. Zoe knew how to act on instinct and do the right thing, at least when she wasn't on her hen night.

Dealing with impending disaster was a very difficult thing.

But there was one good thing about knowing Max would be there. At least Zoe had the option of staying away.

She couldn't help wondering if that was why Robyn had told her.

* * *

Dylan wasn't sure whether to smile at Lofty or not. It was the friendly thing to do and he always tried to be friendly towards Lofty because Lofty had done so much for him.

But it seemed wrong to smile today.

Dylan and Rita hadn't always seen eye to eye. She'd offered her support and seemed to understand. Then she'd betrayed him to Zoe and forced him to work in Bay 4. But she'd been a good nurse and Dylan had appreciated her quick intelligence and good sense. So many nurses were on the slow side.

And no, he did not mean Lofty. Not now.

"Are you r…. I mean, shall we go now?" said Lofty.

Dylan did smile then. Lofty had understood, before even finishing his sentence, that he wasn't ready and would never be ready for this.

Dylan hadn't told Lofty that he was afraid of going alone; of leaving his temporary home for the first time since he'd agreed to take some time off work. But Lofty had known.

"Let's go," said Dylan.

Lofty smiled too.

* * *

Ethan knocked on Cal's door. "Can I come in?"

There was no answer. Ethan opened the door to find Cal almost in tears.

"What's wrong?" said Ethan anxiously. He sat beside Cal and hugged him.

"I can't tie my tie, Ethan!" said Cal miserably. "Why can't I tie my tie?"

Ethan stroked his shoulder. He was grateful to have a problem he could deal with without being the least bit economical with the truth. "You've always struggled a bit with ties, Cal. Would you like me to do it for you?"

Cal nodded his head and looked gratefully at Ethan. "Yes, please, Ethan."

Ethan smiled and set to work. It broke his heart to see Cal's lack of confidence; how little it took to reduce him to tears; how he struggled to do what had once been easy. But there was also much to make him smile: Cal's newfound, open-hearted affection for Ethan; the hours he'd spent patiently comforting Ethan about Honey; Cal's appreciation of everything Ethan did for him.

He wanted Cal to recover because he knew his brother wanted that more than anything, but Ethan loved Cal now just as much as he'd loved Cal then.

* * *

Jacob pushed the wheelchair into Charlie's room. "Here's your vehicle, sir. I'm your chauffeur for today." He came closer, immediately aware of the bleak look on Charlie's face and somehow sensing it was unrelated to Rita. "What have you got there? A photo?"

Charlie hesitated, then handed it to him.

It took Jacob a moment or two to recognise the young man in the picture. Jacob wasn't used to seeing Louis smile. "Handsome young man. Just like his dad."

Charlie's laugh almost convinced Jacob. "I wouldn't say that in front of him if I were you." He sighed. "If you ever get the chance."

Jacob handed the photo back and spoke with a quiet confidence he wasn't sure he felt. "You'll get him back, Charlie."

"But not like that," said Charlie, nodding towards the happy boy in the picture.

"You never know what's just around the corner," said Jacob. "It's been a terrible time for all of us. But that doesn't mean the good times will never come back."

* * *

Lily checked her phone and her email before she left, but there was nothing from him. She hadn't expected it and didn't think she wanted it, yet she felt the same sinking sense of disappointment every time.

She wondered if that was what he felt when he thought of her.

Lily didn't know what he'd think about her going to Rita's funeral. He might have thought she was showing respect for a colleague, but she wasn't convinced. It was far more likely he'd consider it a waste of her time.

She could hear his voice in her mind. Phrases she'd heard so many times, she'd even started using them herself. _You're not there to make friends, Lily_.

In the doorway, Lily paused. She looked back at the table where her textbooks lay.

He would want her to study. Attending a funeral would not help her to become a consultant.

 _But it's not what he wants that matters_ , Lily told herself. _I'm free of him now. I need to do what_ I _want_.

* * *

Robyn carefully wheeled Max into the lift. She felt emotionally exhausted already and they hadn't even left the hospital.

She would have to care for Max throughout. Give him painkillers if necessary. Help him to move if he was uncomfortable. He'd suggested letting Lofty do it as he would be less emotional than Robyn. But Robyn knew Lofty would be busy with Dylan and besides, she wanted to do this herself.

He was her brother and he needed her.

There was just one problem. Something she hadn't told him; something she was afraid to tell him.

Robyn hadn't told Max she and Zoe were almost friends.

* * *

Lofty watched Dylan from the corner of his eye. He was sitting beside Lofty in the back of the taxi, staring at the back of the driver's head.

"Okay?" whispered Lofty.

"No. I am not okay," said Dylan, his voice quiet but panicky. "I don't think I can do this. They're all still working. They must despise me for being weak enough to need time off."

Lofty put his hand lightly on Dylan's arm. "You're not the only person who had time off, Dylan. Zoe had time off. Cal and Ethan haven't been back. Neither have Charlie and Max."

"Zoe, Cal and Max were injured," said Dylan. "Charlie is seriously ill. Ethan is caring for his brother. I have no excuse."

"Yeah, you do," said Lofty. "You were trapped in the ED."

"Trapped by my own stupid fears," said Dylan.

"It doesn't matter how or why," said Lofty. "You were trapped. You couldn't leave. Anyone would be frightened."

* * *

Louise looked at her phone; at all the texts she'd received today.

It was a new feeling. She'd got on fairly well with some of her colleagues before. She'd had a good working relationship with Noel when she'd been a receptionist and they were still friends now. She'd also got on with Honey, though she'd been shocked to hear she'd broken up with Ethan and would soon be leaving Holby. She and Jacob, of course, went way back.

But she hadn't think anyone else liked her. Not really.

But today, Robyn had texted to check Louise had been able to make alternative arrangements for getting to the church. They'd originally planned to go together, but their plans had changed after it was decided Max would be able to travel to the funeral in the ambulance.

Jacob had texted to offer Louise a lift but warned her that he was also taking Charlie and an early departure might be necessary in the interests of Charlie's health. Louise had declined only because she was worried her presence might make Charlie uncomfortable.

Lofty had invited her to share a taxi with him and Dylan, but Louise knew how much Dylan was struggling at the moment. She didn't want to make him uncomfortable on what was already a difficult day for him.

Then there were texts from Lily, firstly asking if Louise was going to the funeral and secondly saying she'd see her there.

Finally, there was a text from Noel, offering her a lift. This time, she had accepted.

It was a sad day, but the texts - no, the friendships - made Louise smile.

* * *

"Okay?" said Ethan when he was finally ready.

Cal hung his head. "I don't want to go, Ethan. I'm scared."

Cal knew he'd changed, but he thought Ethan had as well. Instead of getting annoyed with Cal, Ethan sat beside him and put his arm around him. "You don't have to go if you don't want to, Cal. But it'll be okay. I'll be there and I know everyone would like to see you."

"But I'm different," said Cal as a tear ran down his cheek. "I can't do things now."

Ethan wiped it away. "You're still Cal and you always will be. We're all a little bit changed by what's happened, but we're still ourselves. You'll be okay. I'll be with you the whole time. If it does get too much, we can leave early. Don't worry. I'm going to look after you."

"I'm going to look after you too," said Cal. "Especially if... you know... if _she's_ there."

Ethan hugged him tightly. "I know you will," he said.

* * *

Max tried not to cry out in pain as he was wheeled up the ramp into the ambulance by Dixie and Iain. Both paramedics were subdued. Both had been close to Rita, but perhaps it was slightly worse for Iain. Max had known for a while that Iain liked Rita, but he'd delayed making his move and now it was too late.

Dixie and Iain secured Max's trolley in the ambulance and Robyn took his hand.

"How's it going with Zoe?" asked Iain, once they were on their way.

"It's not," said Max shortly.

Robyn spoke quickly. "Max, maybe we shouldn't think about that now."

"I'm sorry," said Iain. "I know it's difficult for you, Max. I can't imagine how you must be feeling now. But I know what it feels when you wake up one day and find you've left it too late."


	42. Chapter 42

_So, this really is the end. I planned this would last for a few chapters, just filling the gap between two episodes, with the idea the characters' lives would continue from here as they did in the series. Instead, I killed Rita, gave Cal a possibly-permanent brain injury, gave Louise a personality transplant... and really enjoyed writing it! Thank you so much for all the support and encouragement. Without it, the story would probably have been much shorter and less dramatic._

 **Georgy-Girl** , thank you for your review. It isn't always easy to see every update so don't worry. It's so kind of you to say this story is your favourite. I hope you enjoyed catching up and that you like the ending.

 **Tanith Panic** , I'm so happy you like Cal. I didn't want his story to be entirely sad. I think it's probably natural for Charlie to want his family with him now, though I'm sure he'll put a brave face on for the others! Thank you for your review.

 **CBloom2** , thank you for your review. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter - I'm glad you like Cal and Ethan's altered relationship. It was sad to write sometimes, but it gave Cal and Ethan a great excuse to show lots of brotherly love!

 **beckyboogle** , thank you for your review. I hope you enjoy the last chapter.

 **Gillian Kearney Fan** , thank you for your review. There will be more thoughts from everyone in this chapter.

 **20BlueRoses** , I'm afraid I wasn't clever enough to write an 11-way conversation, but I hope you like the ending! Thank you for your review - I'm so happy you like Ethan's reaction to Cal's condition. He does really care about Cal, so it seemed right.

 **ETWentHome** , thank you for your review - it's really lovely to know the story feels real. Getting into the characters' minds wasn't always easy, but I can think of worse places to be than Cal's mind! Or even Honey's mind!

* * *

Jacob lifted Charlie from the car to the wheelchair and tried not to notice how thin and frail he seemed. Charlie seemed almost immortal at times. He was as much a part of the ED as any wall, ceiling and floor (and had probably been here longer than some of those) and he'd cheated death so many times, you might be forgiven for thinking Charlie's death was an impossibility.

But it was not.

As Jacob carefully wheeled Charlie into the church, he was aware that one day they'd be sitting in this church, mourning Charlie.

That moment probably wasn't as far away as everyone wanted to believe.

* * *

Dylan felt himself tense as they walked closer to the church. His mouth felt dryg. He missed his footing slightly, but before he could fall, Lofty gripped his arm and steadied him.

"Okay?" Lofty said softly.

"Yes. Thank you," said Dylan. He stopped walking again. "No. I'm not okay."

Lofty touched Dylan's arm again. "You can do this, Dylan."

Dylan shook his head, tears forming in his eyes. "I can't."

Lofty turned Dylan to face him. He spoke, his voice forceful but gentle. "Dylan, if you can walk into Bay 4 and save a patient's life, you can walk into this church and remember Rita."

Dylan looked into Lofty's blue eyes and saw strength intermingled with supportiveness and understanding. He blinked his tears away and nodded. "All right. I can do this."

Lofty stayed close to him as they walked into the church.

"You did it," said Lofty, smiling.

"No. _We_ did it," said Dylan.

* * *

Zoe tried not to cry as Iain and Robyn brought Max into the church. He was in a wheelchair, his face pale and his head lowered. His posture looked awkward and Zoe longed to rush over to him and made him more comfortable, but she had no right anymore.

Louise moved closer to Zoe and gave her a hug. "It will get easier. And you never know what might happen. It's a weird time for everyone."

Zoe wiped her eyes and hugged Louise back.

One thing that definitely had got better was Holby ED's newest nurse.

* * *

Connie had always been good at walking with confidence. That was what she did as she entered the church. She nodded at those who caught her eye; offered small smiles and quiet greetings.

Jacob's smile of approval warmed her more than she liked to admit. Lofty looked at her with respect in his eyes. Lily looked more relieved than anything as Connie sat beside her.

"I'm glad you could make it," Connie whispered to Lily.

"I'm glad you could make it too, Mrs Beauchamp," said Lily. It seemed like more than politeness.

Connie hesitated. She had seen the change in Lily more than anyone. The dropping shoulders; the hesitant steps. Lily hadn't been close to Rita, but her world had been overturned too. Connie reached for Lily's hand. "It's 'Connie' for today, Lily. Okay?"

Lily's smile was much more than just relieved now. "Okay, Connie," she said.

* * *

Cal was trembling as Ethan helped him out of the car. They were a little bit late, but Ethan knew he couldn't hurry Cal.

"It's okay, Cal. It's going to be fine. We'll sit right at the back and if you need to leave, all you've got to do is tell me. Okay?"

Cal nodded shakily and slipped his hand into Ethan's.

Ethan squeezed it. He didn't let go as they walked into the church. Cal tripped slightly as Ethan helped him into the pew and heads turned.

"Cal!" Lofty got up from his place beside Dylan. "It's good to see you, mate." He gave Cal a hug. "We'll talk more later, okay?"

"Okay, Lofty," said Cal shyly.

Zoe, Louise and Robyn all said hi and Cal waved. Max kept his back to Cal, but apologised for not turning round and said he was looking forward to seeing Cal later.

"You see?" said Ethan, relieved that his prediction had been correct. He squeezed Cal's shoulder. "They're all glad you're here. And so am I."

* * *

Robyn's feelings were mixed when she saw Zoe. Relief that she hadn't stopped Zoe from attending a colleague's funeral; anxiety that her presence might upset Max.

But when the service began, Robyn forgot Zoe. She forgot everyone but Rita and Max.

Robyn had always wished she was more like Rita. Rita always understood everything, often even before you said it. If you were upset, Rita just accepted it as how things were and made any necessary adjustments. Rita always explained everything clearly and calmly.

Now, Robyn decided she would stop wishing she was like Rita and do her best to _become_ like her friend. To keep Rita's practices and ideals alive.

It would be a tall order. Listening to the eulogies made that even clearer, but Robyn was determined to try her best.

* * *

Lily had never seen Rita's parents before. When Rita's father got up to say a few words, Lily's eyes flooded with tears. There was so much pride in his voice. Rita had been a nursing manager, not a consultant, but Lily had the impression he would have been proud of her even if she'd been a staff nurse all her life.

He was proud of Rita for becoming a nursing manager, but he was mainly proud of her because she was Rita.

Connie touched Lily's arm lightly and pushed a tissue into her hand. Lily wiped her eyes and looked at Rita's father again. He looked sad, of course, but he also looked proud.

Lily sniffed and pushed thoughts of her own father to one side. Today was Rita's day.

* * *

Lofty did try not to cry at first. When the tears did come to his eyes, he tried his hardest to blink them away. When they escaped against his will, he turned his head to the side and wiped them as discreetly as he could.

"Ben, you silly boy." Dylan's voice was no more than a whisper, but Lofty heard it. "You're allowed to cry at a funeral. You're allowed to cry anytime you need to."

"Sorry," whispered Lofty as he wiped away more tears.

He felt Dylan move closer to him. A moment later, his arm was around Lofty's shoulder.

Lofty gave him a grateful smile and returned his attention to Rita.

He let himself cry.

* * *

Charlie looked up as a hand landed on his shoulder.

"Ready?" asked Jacob.

Charlie nodded and let Jacob help him from his seat into the wheelchair. He said nothing as they went outside to watch Rita's coffin being lowered into the ground.

"It's difficult losing someone," said Charlie.

"Yes, it is," agreed Jacob.

"But sometimes you need to think about the people who are here," said Charlie. "I include Rita in that, of course. I'm sure she's here, keeping an eye on us all. I could spend the rest of my life worrying about Louis and forget about all the many friends I can still help. But I won't."

He could tell Jacob was smiling. "I can't imagine you forgetting about anyone, Charlie. It's natural that you wanted Louis here today. It's a difficult day for you and he's your family. But you're right. You've got another family right here and we know you've got watching our backs. Just don't forget we've got yours too."

* * *

Everyone stood for a moment in silence around Rita's grave. To Louise, they seemed almost like statues. It felt wrong to move, but they couldn't stay here forever. Louise turned to Zoe, who was beside her, and put her arm around her. Zoe jumped slightly, but then she smiled at Louise and hugged her back.

Without letting go of Zoe, Louise held her hand out to Lily. Lily jumped when Louise's hand brushed hers, but then she seized it. Lily couldn't summon a smile, but for a moment, their eyes met.

Then Louise saw Robyn, her eyes red from weeping, walking towards her. She gently released Zoe and Lily, holding out her arms.

"I want to make Rita proud," said Robyn.

"You always do," said Louise. "But if there's anything I can do to help, I'm here, okay?"

This was something she'd said before, on numerous occasions. But this time she meant it.

* * *

Cal could tell Ethan was barely keeping it together. There were lots of things Cal just didn't know anymore, but he still knew his brother.

In some ways, he actually knew him better now. It turned out Ethan was even more amazing than Cal had (very secretly) thought.

Ethan hadn't only lost Rita. He'd also lost his girlfriend and kind of his brother. But he was so strong; so kind; so patient.

Cal put his arms around him as he finally gave in to his tears. "It's okay, Ethan. I'm here. I don't mind if you're sad. Everyone cried a little bit. Even I did and you know everything I do is cool."

"It really is," said Ethan through his tears.

"It's going to get better," said Cal. "Soon it won't hurt as much about Rita and you'll forget all about Honey and then maybe I'll get better too and I won't be such a nuisance." He hoped he would get better. He didn't know what he'd do if he didn't. But everyone had been nice to him so maybe they still liked him.

Ethan's sobs began to subside. "You're not a nuisance, Cal. I'm glad you're here."

"Really?" said Cal, a bit surprised.

"Of course I am!" said Ethan.

* * *

Max saw Zoe's face change as Robyn wheeled him towards her. First she stared at Max in a panic, then she looked everywhere except Max.

Robyn parked the wheelchair in front of Zoe. "I'll leave you to talk."

Connie, who was standing next to Zoe, murmured something tactful about checking on Lily.

Then they were alone.

When Zoe looked at him like that, he could barely think.

"Zoe," said Max. "I'm not making any promises. You hurt me a lot and I don't know if I still want to be married to you. Which is a slight upgrade on how I felt at first and maybe more upgrades might happen in the future, but there's one thing I do know."

Zoe's mouth formed the word _yes?_ but no sound came out.

"I've lost too many people already," said Max. "I don't know how much I want you in my life, but I know I don't want you out of it. So… maybe we could hang out as mates with some other people and see what happens?"

He'd forgotten what a beautiful smile Zoe had. "Yes!" she said.

* * *

Honey stopped outside the church and looked over the wall. Ethan was standing next to Cal, who looked very nervous and awkward as he talked to Lofty. He obviously wasn't back to normal then. Honey had obviously made the right decision.

She turned to her new business partner, a lovely girl she'd met quite by chance who said she could get Honey some sponsorship, whatever that was. "Okay. I've seen enough," said Honey. "I'm going now."

"Do you think he remembers me at all?" said Taylor. She sounded upset.

Honey shrugged. "How should I know? I'm done with that family. Let's go."

As she walked back to the car, she was aware of Taylor giving Cal a backward glance.


End file.
